Husband has always had trouble maintaining an erection during intercourse. About 7 out of 10 times he loses his erection. I usually finish him off with a hand job. Oral sex is harder work but it can happen. I honestly was worried he was gay when we first started dating because I've never had this happen on a chronic basis like this (he was also so nice I honestly didn't believe he was real, neat, responsible, etc... I thought to myself I really couldn't be this lucky). I've overlooked it and now were 5 yrs in but it's still happening. I pushed him to tell me what the issue is he states I put on some weight (can't be true because this has been happening from the beginning and honestly i've only put on about 20 lbs. If my weight was such an issue why marry me?). The gay theory has returned for me due to other reasons. He honestly does not seem interested in my breasts and when he does pay attention to them he seems to have no understanding of what to do with them (uses them for balance more times than not). His eyes are closed a lot or he's looking in other places (wall, out the window). When he loses his erection it's always something; tired, feeling sick, it's hot, headache, there's too much background noise. I've never been with a man who's had a chronic issue like this with such generic excuses. When I do orgasm I'm the one who makes it happen. I don't fake it but I have to work really hard to make it happen. It only happens when he's behind me because it just seems like we're incompatible all around. I've been asking him since after the 1st year to seek help. He has yet to do so which makes me feel he knows what the issue is. If he didn't know what was going on wouldn't this be driving him as nuts as it's making me? Wouldn't he want to fix this? We are not kids (41) he's old enough to figure out how and where to seek help. Over the last year he's started asking me about men I find attractive when we watch TV. When I give him an answer, if I say no he will continue to question... "really I thought women think he's goodlooking" and make note of this thought 2-4 times after I've already said I don't find the person particularly attractive. A while ago, I did come right out and ask him if he was attracted to men. He only became very angry at me. There are other issues in our marriage. Our personalities are polar opposites and it's really starting to wear on me. He is honestly a very good man, I just don't think he is the right fit for me anymore. At first I thought our differences were a good thing because we could keep each other on our toes and keep it interesting but what I've found is I have more fun when I'm not with him. If we're doing what he wants, I will become bored sooner rather than later. If we're doing what I want, I'm worried about him not enjoying himself so I'm no longer having a good time. We end up living pretty separate lives a lot of the time (I don't force him to do what I want and he doesn't force me to stay home - he's homebody). Having those issues coupled with bad to mediocre sex 7 out of 10 times is really starting to make me question my ability to stay married. Am I being too harsh? Does my gay theory hold water? Sorry if I sound like a raving lunatic... just stressed and tired of asking him to get help and getting nothing but beating around bushes and generic excuses. I'm very direct, he avoids confrotation at all costs. He doesn't want to face this issue and I don't know what else to do here.