The First Memory That Pops Into Your Head Is Probably Right

In an earlier experiment, Dr. Bridge and her collaborator Dr. Ken Paller measured brain activity during accurate and inaccurate recall of selected memories. Hooking up their test subjects to electroencephalograph (EEG) machines, they found that brain activity for accurate recall took 400 to 700 milliseconds, a little less to a little more than half a second. When recall was inaccurate, however, it usually took more than 700 milliseconds.

Moreover, distorted memories tend to lead to more distorted memories. The hippocampus integrates the various components of each memory. It blends the "facts" of a memory with information about events in space and time, emotional content, and information from taste, touch, and smell. When just one aspect of a memory is recalled, that aspect is strengthened, and the other aspects are weakened. We may remember the love of our lives coming down a staircase in a red dress, for example, but forget whether her mother was frowning at you or smiling at your or shaking her finger or pointing in your beloved's direction. How we remember the details surrounding the "main event" of each memory can change over time.

But why do we remember details at all?

Unless we practice remembering the details of falling in love, our brains tend to rewrite the story in ways that keep us in love. Our memories of first love and falling in love tend to be what we "need" to remember in the present to make the relationship work.

And to maintain stable relationships, our brains are not limited to just one kind of love. Different parts of the brain are involved in sex drive, in romantic love, and in unconditional love. What we can no longer remember as romantic we may still remember with affectionate, unconditional love. Before we have developed the capacity for unconditional love, we don't naturally stay alone, because of our sex drives.

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Scientists also have looked at the interrelationships between romantic love and aggression. Humans are activated to fierce behaviors in the pursuit of sex. Sexual love is tied to aggression.

Romantic love, however, is more passive. When romantic love is thwarted, we may become depressed, or we may pursue or stalk a partner who doesn't want us, or in extreme cases, we may do ourselves harm. In all of these instances, however, we are unlikely to harm the objects of our affection. Even when we no longer remember the context of love, our brains send on the search for relationships, and they rewrite history to make relationships possible.