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We take you now to the Oval Office.....



George W. Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi (Condoleezza Rice): Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader
of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the
Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of
China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of
milk And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N.?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the
U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we
should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East

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although I'm not at all lifelike
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Here is another one from SNL...



Homeland Security Briefing

Tom Ridge.....Darrell Hammond
Craig Fenson.....Robert DeNiro
Reporter #1......Maya Rudolph
Reporter #2.....Jimmy Fallon
Reporter #3.....Jeff Richards




Tom Ridge: Good afternoon! Before we begin today's briefing, I wish to announce that, on the basis of change in the nature of Al-Queda chatter, we are changing the current threat level to Magenta. Let me repeat: the threat level is now.. Magenta. What is Magenta? It's a darker maroon. It's not quite an ox blood. It's more plum color than.. say.. a crimson. How serious is it? [ sighs ] I honestly don't have an answer for that. We'll try to have that for you by early in the week. In any case, I'd like to introduce Craig Fenson, the new senior spokesman for the office of Homeland Security, and he'll be happy to take your questions.

Craig Fenson: Good afternoon. In the past few weeks, through our national hotline, we have collected hundreds of names of suspected terrorists, and I'm proud to say that most of the calls have come from high school and college students nationwide. In fact, we received over 475 calls alone regarding this man: M'Balz Es-Hari. We also received information on such nefarious terrorists such as Graabir Boubi, and Haid D'Salaami and.. let this be a message to you, Haid D'Salaami: we will not play your dangerous games We are also currently searching for a man we believe to be a Al Queda leutinant: Hous Bin Pharteen, his cousin I-Bin Pharteen, and their close companion I-Zheet M'Drurz. Question over there?

Reporter #1: Is there a way to identify Hous Bin Pharteen?

Craig Fenson: Ah.. our operatives have picked up his scent. Also, according to our intelligence, he is targeting gas refineries, fertilizer plants, and, oddly enough, baked bean canneries. He is a silent, but deadly killer.

Reporter #2: What can you tell us about I-Zheet M'Drurz?

Craig Fenson: We're told that, when he was fleeing the scene of his last attack, he left skidmarks. He is extremely dangerous. Our sources say that he is planning on attacking the New York City sewer system with what we believe it is to be a dirty bomb.

Reporter #3: Do you have any other names you're willing to release?

Craig Fenson: Yes! Please call our hotline at once if you have any information on the following men: Shaif Hirboush.. Al-Suq Akweer.. Mustaf Herod Apyur Poupr. I hope I got that right! Awan Afuqya.. Yul Strokheet Al-Wauch.. Apul Madeek - who we believe will be targeting adult bookstores sometime in the near future. And this man, the notorious Yuliqa M'Diq, A.K.A. Uwana M'Diq, A.K.A. Usuqa M'Diq. Uh.. thank you, that is all, and, "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

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Both of those were great!
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good one pro
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