I have a lot of issues apparently. Well...uh...my grandfather was a pedophile(he's dead now) and it didn't really bother me at the time (I thought it was normal.) When I was 12 I started to look at pornography; Almost all "hentai," not much "real stuff." and yaoi as well. I got caught by my family (GOOD LORD) when I was 13 or so. Brother, older sister, mother, father, they all found out. It was just...the worst experience ever...having a family meeting over it!? It was just....UGH! So I stopped looking at it for several years. In the meantime, I realized that my desire to be a male that I had since I was little was not normal, and had increased greatly. I was getting books about transgenderism and hiding them from my Mom and sister.
Twin sis has been aware of my feelings since I was 12, it tears her apart so I keep to myself now. I've tried to talk to my Mom about it but she didn't get it. Since I was 12 my Mom makes sure "I don;t look like a boy." So, anyways, fast forward a little, I date(ish) a guy online for a year and he's a chimera, meaning he absorbed his twin sister in the womb and feels like a woman and a man (he's 5 years older than me) Mom finds out, I'm screwed, AGAIN. Can't talk to him anymore. Year later, date a guy for 2 years(16-18), but NEVER kissed or even really touched (hell, we probably hugged like...20 or 30 times?) thanks to strict parents. He finds out about how I might not be able to have sex ever and says "I think it's time we move on." Yeah. That felt great. I also got in trouble when my twin sister found out sent bad pictures to the first guy I dated, cause we still stay in touch with a really weird relationship.
Oh, forgot to mention that when I was 12 I loved my best friend Satoshi, a gay 15-year old. He said if only I was a guy he would love me so much. My friends Cary and Erika said if I was a guy I'd be so cute, that'd be so great. I'd be the perfect guy. Kiss me on the cheek. Tina said I'd be a cute boy too.
And a guy came into my apartment and tried to sleep with me when I was 14.
Last year I started to look at hentai again. And I am obsessed with yaoi and shonen-ai so badly. It started with picking a manga at a bookstore called "The Tyrant Who Falls in Love." Oh boy. That made everything flare up again.
I'm a crossplayer, which means for anime conventions I go as guy characters. The only time I can get away with it.
I FEEL LIKE SEX IS BAD BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN, BUT OKAY BETWEEN TWO MALES.
And currently, I have a crush on a girl. So, all in all, I feel totally screwed. She's amazing, and makes me NOT feel like a total freak. She's a lesbian, not sure if she likes me still...I told her how I felt(in past tense) and she said she liked me too. So...don't know how that'll go.
Do I get therapy? What kind of therapy should I get? What should I do?
If anyone reads this, thank you much. You have NO IDEA how much it means to me. No one else will listen.
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I was terrified to have sex but I don't know what it's like to want to be a male but I do feel for you. Have you ever tried hypnotherapy it's the best thing I have come across. I have had problems with my sex life and my sex therapist didn't help me much but I went to see a hypnotherapist and she really changed my life it's amazing how much it helps. It's worth a shot! I hope you find the help you need and have a happy life :)
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Really its how u feel what's make u happy and feel good in side your family have to deal with it live your life no one else
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believe it or not but therapy is different in different parts of the world ... people are the same but there are psychologist, therapist, psychotherapists etc ...
so where are you in the world??
so where are you in the world??
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Homosexuality and wanting to change genders are both normal, so I don't see why you would need therapy for either, but it may help you sort out your feelings and true desires, given that you meet with a good psychologist. You didn't say whether or not you were actually abused by your grandfather who was a pedophile, but if you were, it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you nor was it your fault, but you may want therapy just to again, sort out your feelings. Watching porn, hentai, etc is also normal as it helps many self stimulate and masturbate, so there's no need to feel guilty about it- just don't get too obsessed with it. Sex between a man a woman or between two people of the same sex is normal, as I said earlier- it's all a matter of psychology or personal preference. Your family may not be supportive or understand you, but it seems that you have friends who do. Remember that you are not alone :)
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Hi, friend! That's a tough situation. I can connect with you about a few things, here, especially the twin sister thing, because I have a gay twin sister. First of all, there is no rush to have sex. If you don't want to, then don't do it. There's no harm in waiting, and there's no harm in being scared of it. It's a powerful thing.
About being trans-gender: It was pretty clear from reading your post that you want to be a boy because of the things your friends told you when you were younger. You believed the lie that you would be better if you were a boy, but you won't be. You were born a girl for a reason; don't let what others want of you change you.
About your sister: Have you tried opening up to her about any of this? I know I would give anything for my sister to be honest with me.
God bless!
About being trans-gender: It was pretty clear from reading your post that you want to be a boy because of the things your friends told you when you were younger. You believed the lie that you would be better if you were a boy, but you won't be. You were born a girl for a reason; don't let what others want of you change you.
About your sister: Have you tried opening up to her about any of this? I know I would give anything for my sister to be honest with me.
God bless!
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Being gay is completely natural, but your situation is a bit odd. It's basically your decision, weather to ask the girl out or have a sex change. Try to act more like a boy and be as masculine as you want. Then you might feel a bit more comfortable. Hope this helped! :D
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