Hemorrhoid Surgery and PAIN

Well its day 7 after my surgery and early this morning I honestly thought I had turned the corner and the worst was over, well how wrong I was. I actually felt well enough to get up and make my own breakfast, then all of a sudden I had a jet of a bowel movement (barely made it to the toilet) and I screamed the house down. My poor husband quickly gave me two nurofen tablets and I had the hottest shower I could tolerate. After 10 minutes it had settled down and I am now back in bed.  I had the surgery on 12th March, was ok for two days in hospital but on the way home I felt very very sick.  Unbeknown to me I was given morphine. Well hello I am allergic to Morphine and everyone knew it, the surgeon, the hospital, they even put the RED TAGS and HAT on me to show I cant have any morphine. Day three and four I was sick as a dog at home could not even keep a drop of water down, my dear husband was desperately trying to give me water drop by drop as i was bringing it up. He called the surgery and they suggested an ambulance back to the hospital but I felt I would not make it so he called our wonderful GP and he gave me three injections, Stemitel, Phenergen and Cortisone.  By next morning i felt a little better and hopefully on the road to recovery.  With all the suffering I really didnt need the morphine problem on top but this is very neglegent on the hospital and we will be looking into it when i am better so it doesnt happen to anyone else.  Well my dear husband is trying to keep me regular so he keeps making sure I have prunes and prune juice at every opportunity. Every day is a day closer to being well. When I get pain that is a little too strong I put a thick facewasher inbetween my legs and jump in the shower and have the hottest shower I can bear, this helped me the most. Try and keep your mind occupied, the computer helped. I wish each and every one of you that has had or is about to have this operation all the very best as you will need it. God bless you all.  Regards Mary.

Mary, I had the sugery on March 5, 2013 and when I left the hospital I was also sick as a dog. My butt is so bad and hurts still. I'm moving around but cant set for a long time. Cant were anything but sweatpants and I feel like some mess when it comes to that end. I wont eat things that I normally would it. And I have lost so much weigh in a short time. I will say about 10lbs. This operation isn't a joke and I wish I would have never had it. Good Luck to you as well. Angie

O you poor thing Angie, just when i think i am on the mend and turned the corner i have a setback. I am so lucky though to have the best husband in the whole world who has taken time off his busy work to look after me full time. He gives me strenght when i am ready to give up and cry. We will keep you in our prayers for a full recovery. xx mary and bill.

Hey Angie, been thinking about you, how are you feeling now. Its day 12 for me today and the pain is alittle better to handle at times, once I stop the pain killers though it seems to come back so still taking meds. I hope its not to bad for you, let me know how you are going Angie. take care, Mary.

I thank the pharmacist at Mustafa, an young pleasant looking indian guy, whom recommended the pill Noxasel ( I call it No-Sex-Sell). It comes in a box of 20 pills. Content is Diosim & Hesperidin, made in Greece and approved for sale over the counter.

I seriously questioned why hospitals or GP do not precribed this medicine, which works miricle on Hemorriods sufferer. I am one. Since I was in my 20s, suffered from painless bleeding. Got worse in 2 years, when i see fresh blood flowing. Since no pain yet. I was 33. Now I'm 34 and for the 1st time in my life, i have progressed to Stage 4 HMR. Tell me about supportiories, creams, garlic spread, hycortisol cream, Chinese herb cream, Sitz bath, etc. I've used them. This time was really bad enough - i have a high tolerance for pain but still this cant compared to those chaps who has gone thru the cut.

I know surgery is extremely painful, and you are at the mercy of those doctors who just see u as a piece of meat. i went thru knee surgery during army, and when the local is off, u start cursing.

So, In Jan 2013, i found my whole a$$ turned swollen. that was a day in office. The pain went through my nerves below and i could feel my anus wall hardens as i pee. The pain rose up the my pain index (1-10) , reaching scale of 9. I cant walk or stand up now, instead of seeing my usual GP, i went to a TCM doctor who claimed to have treated external HMR.

That didnt help. Lied on bed for 2 days - paralysed. the medication and plastered ass with chinese herbs was useless. MY HMR continued to swell due to blood pressure. the Pain came on and then off. i google the whole world on what i can find, no one spoke about verbal medication. I know there are solutions, such as stapling, tied a string, cutting it. But i am not keen. I tried to believe that there should be a way to treat this internal. Any external procudures have thier own risk and torture.

Days pass, the swell went down. I went back to work and endure this tempermental anus. While shopping at mustafa, i just happen to ask the pharmist, he told me to try Noxesel. I bought it just for standby - and that was the right decision. I went on to google on Diosim & Hesperidin, they are meant to strengthen your veins walls, meant for women in fact. HMR are unisex isn’t it? But strangely, why isn’t doctors prescribing? Its an approved OTC drug! Its either science is preventing them, or the cost of the pill is too expensive for them to stock up, or hospitals earns more from the cut, staples, or consultation.

My scale 9 pain came before Chinese new year. It swell again, this time I can see pus forming. Its was so bad that I forgotten I had Noxasel. I went to RafflesHospital at 2 am on CNY day 1! Upon a check, A&E doctor ask me to check in , as he said it too messy to pierce the swollen anus. I can feel that I need to let the blood out, as its so damn swollen. He resufed and I have no choice but to register myselg, thinking about my car in the carpark and my wife who is with me. Honestly -  flashes ran thru my mind, don’t just trust the doctor. He is too young to know my problem , they just follow textbooks and procedure. Rather than mess up the bed at A&E, they gave me the advise to CUT! Thanks to my quick decision, I decided to head home first, and try out Noxesel. I pray to god to help me. I was preparing to check in the next morning at RafflesHospital and already registered, but I need to fast before any local surgery.

I took 2 pills as said in the leaflet. I also took a painkiller, Ponstan. Slowly I laid myself with my wife help, put some chopped garlic over my ass. I tell u, Garlic works!!! The natural sting in chopped garlic force the nerves to retract and blood back flow. It’s a natural remedy. The doctors can laugh, let them laugh. It did the job of external painkiller with hardly any side effect.  Next morning I work up, the HMR burst and the swell disappeared!! i’m not joking. I called the hospital to cancel the surgery! I finish the box of pills and watch my food intake. After 1 box, the HMR subsided. I have pictures to show how it swell and how it shrunk. Its Diosim & Hesperidin. Google on them, u find scientific papers on them. Proven to restore veins. I not talking about restoring back to original state like a baby arse, as long as they can strengthen as we aged, it’s terrific!

Today, last night I just got a slight pain again. In my case, it’s a swollen HMR that need to release some blood. I let the blood out by pressing my arse. The presuure is relief and I took NO-Sex-Sell again. I’m back to my usual. Walk and run, this morning I just ran to the busstop.

Hi. I'm so stressed about this; need to talk. I have a follow-up appointment with a rectal surgeon tomorrow morning and he is the FOURTH doctor who has tried to talk me OUT OF this procedure, stating the pain is "excruciating" and my situation isn't dire enough. I don't know how much more dire it could be. I cannot function.

I've had hemorrhoids since my teens and I'm 35. I've been constipated my whole life, going once every 3-5 days ("eat fiber, drink water" blahhhh you people just don't GET IT!! I eat almost ONLY fiber - plus drinking miralax and taking colace EVERY DAY doesn't let me going daily). I'm fine with/used to having an ugly anus - I mean it's not sexy but it's not on my face so whatever. And I'm fine with bleeding when I poop and showering/bathing constantly and having the external rhoid that I have to baby - use wipes, etc. Had a colonoscopy 10 years ago and nothing was wrong. Five years ago I had two IRC procedures on the internal ones and didn't notice any improvement.

I was amazed my situation didn't get worse in pregnancy - it gave all my friends a taste of my life but theirs all went away after. But after a long, difficult labor I was aware of a bad flare-up (the nurses oohed and ahhed) but this external one just never really quit. It was just driving me crazy with discomfort the last few months so I saw another IRC guy, who claimed he could also treat external ones. This is untrue, I was later assured; IRC can't treat those. Well that's what I was there for but I walked in with an itchy butt I couldn't clean well but didn't hurt and woke up from anesthesia with a $3000 tab, three weeks of bleeding (so far - I don't mean when I poop I bleed, I mean all day I bleed), three thrombosed external rhoids (where did the second and third come from?!), crazy inflamed groin glands and a world of excruciating pain. Like I said, I had IRC twice before and it was fine. I called this doctor twice and he said yeah mine were quite bad and needed to be treated aggressively: take Advil and I should come in for a few more IRCs and he'd close up the cuts and retreat the externals. What? I had to take a WEEK off work in which I cried all day in a bathtub, couldn't sleep at all and had to get a babysitter for my infant and you want to do this no-big-deal office procedure FOUR more times - and ON infected, thrombosed hemorroids?!

I didn't think the pain could get worse so I just wanted it over with.

I found a real colon/rectal surgeon who was recommended by a friend. Went to him last week. I haven't desperately wanted anyone to stare at my butt since...well never. He got in there with his spelunking headlamp and said the infection and swelling was too bad to examine me but take antibiotics and come back in a week. I'm going tomorrow; it's been 10 days. Groin glands are fine now and I'm back at work but it's awful if I have to poop; I can't sit on the toilet, I don't even understand the passage anymore to try to clean anything, even if I could stand the pain. I cry in the stall during pooping and in my pitiful attempt to clean myself, something I used to take for granted. I'm not a baby with pain. I'm up half the night trying to get comfortable. I try putting apple cider vinegar on there with a cotton ball (read that helps). It stings like hell and I can only take a few minutes of it. I am still doing it just to do something. I smell. I cannot wear pants. I've horrified my husband ten times over. And this is not even from the real surgery.

This surgeon told me that if my main complaints are hygiene issues and bleeding and moderate pain, that the pain isn't worth it from the surgery and I should try to live with it. There are permanent, bleeding, huge grapes protruding from my anus and I'm told this is not bad enough to operate?! I cannot wear normal clothing. I cannot wipe. I have to wear a pad or ruin my underwear. Like I said, this is the fourth doctor who has told me my situation isn't dire enough for the knife. He showed me pictures online of worse cases to try to make me feel better. It almost made me vomit because there is NO WAY those people have any quality of life. Yes they are worse. But how bad are yours?!!?? I don't understand how a external ones can't just be snipped and stitched on the OUTSIDE and why that has to be the worst surgery imaginable.

Really, how bad was your situation before you went for surgery? I'm not trying to return to wearing a thong; I just want to be comfortable again!!

Anyway for those who say that their surgeon didn't warn them, all four warned me. This last (most reputable one) said it's the worst surgery that exists, results aren't guaranteed, and many people regret doing it. He said I'd hate him for doing it, that unless there was no way I could work or function in society that it isn't worth it. I'm confused. My parents have a handful of friends who had it done; my grandma had it done. They said it was painful but not bad and they were all happy with it. Did this procedure somehow get WORSE since the 60's?!!

I am so sorry you are suffering this horrible pain. I know your pain, been there. I went to a specialist colorectal surgeon and he said the same thing, that it is one of the worst operations but I can honestly say, three and a half weeks after my surgery that I feel much better and on the road to recovery. After surgery you have to find a pain medication that agrees with you, mine is nurofen 400. Take the medicine on time and religiously don't miss any so you don't let the pain kick in. Bed rest as much as possible and a heat bag. After going to the toilet I had either hot salt bath in a small tub or a very hot shower, sometimes I was having three showers a day, it made me feel good and helped with the pain. Drink lots of water and eat high fibre food in any form. I am still having stool softener medication and laxatives etc. I bought some soft perfume free baby wipes and used them often. I also found betadine ( a brown liquid from the chemist usually used to stop infection) helped immensely, applied with a cotton wool ball. You will need help, my wonderful husband took a week off work to help me. You will get through it. I am not saying it will be easy but believe me it is well worth it. This is more common than you think. Regards Mary. (Australia)

Hey, so my situation was not bad at all before surgery. They thought it would be just a skin tag removal and it turned out I had the worst of the worst hemorrhoids. Because I did not present with pain, the surgeon thought nothing of it. I am going to give you a scale here of what I have considered painful and not ... I have had my acl blow out completely and while it hurt, I was able to walk on it after a 15 minute rest (I did not realize how much damage I did to my knee). When the swelling did not go down I went to an orthopedic surgeon and he was floored that I waited so long to come in and that I had been walking on it. After a total reconstructive surgery and grafting from another ligament, I was walking on it and going to work 4 days later. I never took my prescribed pain medication and never used crutches. I had a breast reduction and another knee surgery (other knee) at the same time and again never took pain medication for recovery. I have had two Cesarean sections and never took pain medication after the surgery. I was up walking around unassisted the day of surgery. Again, while they thought they were just doing a skin tag removal, it turned out that I had such bad hemorrhoids that they had to actually graft skin from elsewhere to repair the damage. That being said, I barely had any discomfort before surgery. After surgery the doctor informed me that they had to do way more than expected. He was surprised I was not in agonizing pain before surgery but assured me that I would be after. He was right about the after. It was excruciating and the only surgery I have ever taken the prescribed pain medication. My entire body hurt after and my entire butt was purple and bruised. The pain medication basically got rid of the pain from my thighs to my knees, but everything else was terrible. I was on a liquid diet for an entire two weeks to keep from tearing the skin graft ... but after my first bowel movement (with tons of stool softeners) I voluntarily did another week of liquid diet to avoid having a bowel movement. I took about ten pain pills after surgery (which is monumental for me) even though I was prescribed 60 with refills. The doctor was surprised that I had not gone through all of them in the first week. Now that I am a few weeks post surgery, it is much better, and I probably would have done it again. I guess that if your presenting with pain this badly before surgery, I couldn't imagine what you would feel after ... and maybe the doctors are concerned about it too? It really depends on where the surgery is done. Some people have internal hemorrhoids taken care of and it is no problem, but when they are closer to anus, they can be terribly painful to have surgery done. And, of course, there is the risk of damage to the muscles around the area too. If you are really intent on getting the surgery done, I would suggest going to another doctor. It is delicate surgery but at the same time it is extremely brutal (look it up online, you wouldn't believe how they get up in there). You really want someone who feels they can do a good job for you. If the doctor is not comfortable with doing it, I would stay away from them. Best of luck!

Thanks so much for your input!! I just got back from the surgeon appointment with my arsenal of questions and he insisted again that I just need to deal with this bleeding, painful and dirty situation. I have external (still large and thrombosed after 3 weeks) and internal hemorrhoids, a cluster of skin tags and a sizable fissure potentially from the last bad IRC and anal leakage. Anal leakage!!!! Shoot me. I asked specifically about internal vs external recovery and pain, and whether or not he could just address the one largest external problem. He said it's all the same, that the nerve bundles down there are complex and the pain of surgery is cruel and unusual and that nothing else can treat external ones. This is a top rectal surgeon in NYC. He told me that he tries to convince 100% of his patients to live with the situation instead of doing surgery because in his opinion, it's NEVER worth it, no matter the severity, that it's not a MEDICAL problem per se but a comfort and hygiene issue and that this surgery is absolutely brutal.

I told him I read about apple cider vinegar; he said that sounded useless and of course it's burning me since there are cuts down there. He said daily laxatives and stool softeners, eat fiber, no citrus, booze, coffee, nuts, cheese, blahblahblah.

I'm going back in a couple of weeks. I half wish he lied to me and said it was no big deal... He said he only performs the surgery when his patients insist they absolutely cannot live in their present situation. And those people usually change their minds after.

 

sorry, it's me again "would kill to wipe"

Some base facts:

MaleTurned 33 a week agoWorks as a advisor in a major corporation in Norway, so a lot of sitting at work.Had "knitting" done on several hemmorhoids in 2007, didn't help much, very painful for at least 2 days. 

I had this surgery done yesterday, and I have not really any severe pain. My surgeon pumped me up with local anestethic before I left surgery, and I also got some painkillers. (the funny thing is that one of the side effect of the painkillers are constipation, really funny, eh?

Luckily my girlfriend have had a lot of problems with constipation for the last 5 years, and last year she broke the code, so now I'm on her diet, yoghurt, glucol, flaxsees and even fish oil. 

One thing I'm wondering about is why all these doctors lie to you, first time I had the "investegation" the doctor adviced me to have surgery, and I contacted my regular doctor, and he adviced it too. The investigating doctor said that a week off from work would do, and that the first defecation would be painful, but it wouldn't be very painful after that.

When I spoke with him pre op today, he said it was going to be painful for a long time, and I might be off from work for nearly two weeks. I really love when they trick you like that, so after surgery I had to call my boss and say "hey, I'm probably off work for nearly 2 weeks, I might come back the 21 of April. 

I'm very happy I didnt read this thread before, and I hope the pains are bearable, as for know the "knitting" was much worse.

One thing that disturbs me is that I'm having to let out some air, and I guess I need to sit on the toilet, just in case. 

I'll give you more updates tomorrow I guess.

 

PS! Everything you read about the perfect healthcare in Norway, don't believe everything you hear, I was originally signed up for the "normal" hospital, but I received a letter from them telling me that I could send a complaint if hadn't been check by the end of September, "luckily"I have health insurance from the place I work, so I got scheduled for surgery more or less 2 weeks after I had the first check. 

Okey, slept a few hours tonight, broke air a lot, but it was pretty ok. Was up at 5 am and got to the toilet, only air, so for now it's good.

Woke a few minutes ago due to pain, took a painkiller and I'll stay on the sofa for the next hours dowsing and watching some tv-series. 

I just experienced a thrombosed hemorrhoid that was the size of my husband's thumb caused by a ruptured artery which was repaired about 4"-5" up the canal and externally.  Couldn't sit or barely stand due to the pressure.  Saw physician 4/3 - good news, no lancing necessary but I'd be in surgery immediately. Ten days later, the agony remains.  This is my personal experience and I hope none of you have to go through this.  If you do, I sincerely hope it helps.

Suggestions that may help: 

1) Food - Eat fresh fruits/veggies and easy to digest protein (protein will help the healing process faster), organic chicken broth.  Blend to help ease the passage. This is something you'll be grateful for during your first few BMs.  Chew well if you don't blend.

2) Drink - Organic prune juice, water with lemon, lime or slices of cucumber, camomille tea, green tea - anything to eliminiate the boredom of water. Because of the drugs, I've added Keifer and Milk Thistle Tincture to help support good bacteria and kidneys.

3) Elimination Suggestions - A different site posted a suggestion from someone who said it was easier to eliminate in the shower.  After 3 days of agony and cinching up on the toilet, I swallowed my pride, armed myself with plastic bags from the grocery store (the veggies bags don't rip like the larger bags), a roll of paper towels, scrub brush, Dawn dish soap and Clorox.  The first couple times I had to bend over my husband - the pressure leaning onto him helped add pressure to move things and to keep me from falling over from the pain.  I also used an empty babywipe container to catch the majority of elimination.  It wasn't pleasant but the relief outweighed the situation.  A handheld shower is so well worth it.  Having the water right there (cup with your other hand if necessary) will relax your bum and after will make the clean up simple. 

4) Cleaning/Showering/Drying - Keep several dry towels at hand because you'll need a dry towel very time you shower which is the only way I've found the burn to dissipate or consequently it burns like lemon juice on a fresh cut.  Only dab with tp - anything more will cause greater irritation. Even though my doc said medicated Tucks were good, the nurses in the OR said to completely avoid them.  Use  wipes that haven't parabens, phthalages, etc.  I gave up and am using warm, wet paper towels just for dabbing during the journey to the shower.

Use Gentle soaps rather than the harsh types found in the grocery aisle.  

5)- Drugs - I was prescribed Diladad and Valium.  The Diladad caused my chest and arms to itch, my stomach, back and legs broke out with something like bug bites and caused excruciating headaches.  Finally, my sister insisted on something else and Percocet was prescribed.  All cause constipation so drink, drink, drink.  The doctor recommended milk of magnesia and metamuscil.  Neither did much.  On the 5th day, urination was becoming a challenge which can become a problem. My doc was in surgury all day so we phoned the ER who said they'd administer an enema. I called a couple pharmacists and they too shivered at the suggestion of an enema.  Both recommended magnesium citrate.  I drank about 1/3 of a bottle which seemed to be a little too much too much for my size (petite female, 100#) and it worked.  The doc doesn't want diarrhea so perhaps 1/4 bottle may have been better for my size.  The point is don't over do it and definitely ask your physician BEFORE surgery. 

Insist on a prescription of Litocain.  It helps numb the bum to make sitting, standing and walking more tolerable, especially when eliminating.  I'm so tired of the burning sensation that I made a little damn of a popsicle stick wrapped in saran wrap to keep the elimination from touching the open suture.  

Here's wishing anyone who has this surgery the best. 

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Ok, it's now day 4 after surgery, and I have earlier tried to defecate, but it haven't been much, today I really had to go and it came out, it was hell and I took two painkillers afterwards, it bled a little, but more or less ok now. 

I haven't had a single meal since last tuesday, and I'm still too scared to eat food. 

My surgeon said I should use the shower to clean myself, and I'm wondering how long, as he didn't say. I'm going back to work on Monday, and if I get BM at work, there is no other option than to use toilet paper. 

 

Any experiences on how long I will have trouble?

30. Counter unimaginative jokes from siblings and colleagues like: putting a pile of trouble behind you; finally getting to the seat of the problem; don’t worry the pain will soon bottom out; with offers to provide signed photos of the affected area.

Haha! My sister purchased me a memory foam donut cushion (HAS BEEN A LIFE SAVER) and embroidered it with the line 'What happened to Uranus?' surrounded by stars and little felt planets. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I saw it but my best piece of advice would be to TRY to keep in good humour.

Reading all your posts (especially the original story which had me crying with laughter) has really helped me to not feel so alone and that what I'm feeling is normal.

I am only 24 but have been suffering from IBS and haemorrhoids for around 7 years. This mainly consisted of bleeding after BM, and coupled with very regular loose stools due to my IBS it was becoming pretty unbearable. After finally deciding I HAD to do something about it, I met with a surgeon who told me that due to the size of my internal roids and that two were also prolapsed, the best solution would be surgery. Oh to make matters worse I also had an anal fissure which he said he would inject with Botox at the same time and 2 skin tags needing to be removed. What a sexy young lady! The surgeon was very shocked at (his own words) what an 'untidy bum' I had at such a young age.

Soooo op day was yesterday morning. To be fair my surgeon did repeatedly warm me that I would have a 'very sore bottom' and that I should take 2 weeks off my office job. My God he was not joking!!!

Immediately after surgery I felt pretty alert and was not suffering from much pain but after a very bumpy car journey home from the hospital, my bottom was not a happy bunny!

As I suffer from IBS (and the fact that I am also taking a lactose solution to keep me loose) I have found that the worse part so far is the fact that my stomach is churning constantly but the actual process of a BM at the moment is unbearable! I'm so glad that I read this blog as I literally thought it was just me and that I was actually going to die!

Last night I sat on the toilet in floods of tears while my poor (probably now traumatised) sister sat in there with me trying to run me constant hot baths every time I managed to go. I am taking paracetamol, ibuprofen, and also morphine for when the pain gets too much.

It is only night 1 but I'm currently sitting up in bed at 3am as I am trying to cheer myself up and take my mind off the pain.

I woke up about an hour ago not knowing if I was actually going to make it to the bathroom in time and spent the next hour sitting in the bath, basically pooing myself, emptying the bath, rinsing the bath, re-filling and then repeat. I've also been feeling pretty nauseous and light headed but I guess this is a side effect of the general anaesthetic and the fact the pain is very intense.

I hope that my story can be of some comfort to you though. I'm a 24 girl who enjoys travelling and going out and socialising with my friends- the last thing I thought I'd be doing at my age is crapping myself in the bath but oh well! Many young people are too embarrassed to admit to this kind of problem but if you are sitting there thinking it's just you, IT'S NOT! As my surgeon said, it's better to suffer for a few weeks getting the op done (as painful as the recovery is) so that you can actually start to live a normal life again.

My top tips would be similar to everyone else's:

1) Do not be ashamed! It's not your fault you're going through this. I was comforted to see the honesty in this forum. Thank you! Don't be embarrassed and loose any inhibitions you may have as you are likely to do things you never thought you would have to in the next few days/weeks.

2) Buy a memory foam donut cushion. Seriously don't waste your time with the inflatables one. You won't regret your purchase and your botty will thank you immensely.

3) Have someone who loves you ready to be at your beck and call. I didn't anticipate being so demobilise. My lucky sister has got the job as very inconveniently my mum has put her back out so can't get out if bed either! We have both been given whistles so that she can be on call in an emergency! (Such as last nights toilet incident!) ha

4) Baths, baths and more baths. Seriously, I've had about 7 in the last hour.

5) Pain killers and more pain killers. Get your hands on everything you possibly can! (As approved by your surgeon)

Finally, remember that you are not going to die. We are all there with you and there are thousands of others who have made it out the other side before you (not pun intended!).

I hope this hasn't bored everyone but it sure has helped me getting this all off my chest.

Oh and don't be afraid to cry, you're allowed to!!

Hope you all feel better soon!

X