I had no idea how bad my mental health issues were until I had my son. He's 18 months now. I was miserable during most of the  pregnancy because I stopped taking my medication so it wouldn't harm the baby. Thinking about the disaster of a delivery still gives me chills. Then I had post partum depression. Got back on my meds and felt a little better.My misery has now moved onto situational depression. Being near my son, hearing his voice or even the hum of the monitor makes my stomach tight, and induces the feeling of panic. I started taking anti anxiety medication but it doesn't help. I can barely sleep from all the anxiety. I only feel somewhat normal when he is completely out of the house. I feel like I'm going to crack. I'm surly going to die. My blood pressure is even being monitored now because it's out of control. I feel like if I don't leave it will die. I don't ever want to see him hurt or sad. I know leaving would hurt him but I can't live in a state of panic and depression anymore. I don't think it's even healthy for him to be around me. I'm Always just nervous, crying, worrying or yelling.