Sometimes my depression is so bad I feel like I want to die but I could never do that because i would rather live in pain then hurt my family members by disappearing, my depression is just getting worse and I don't want to feel like this anymore, I live at my house I litterally never go out I dropped out of high school and for a year and a half I've been sitting at home gaining weight, avoiding people the public everything I have no job because I'm so anti social and lazy to get one and I hate it I feel like the biggest failure who is going nowhere in my life I'm 19 and I legit don't leave my house unless it's to go to the grocery store and I even get really bad anxiety just being around that many people, I can't get myself out of this hole I dug myself into and it makes me want to die just sitting in my house bored of life which also makes me feel selfish and I can't get myself to go out and do something with my life and I just want to die but I cant do that to my family and loved ones so I'm stuck with this depression that has me sitting In my bed crying, eating or watching tv shows that gets my mind off of reality