So I've had depersonalization ever since I can remember, which isn't very long because with depersonalization I have almost like gaps in my memory. Or I feel like things that have happened to me were part of a movie I saw or something. But I do remember being very young, maybe 7 and thinking my life was part of a movie or a book i had read in school. I knew something was weird about me and that I was somehow different, even though as a kid this feeling of depersonalization made me think I was somwhow superior because I was different. But as time went on I became aware that there was something wrong with me and how I felt like I was stuck in a globe and couldn't really connect with people around me. Even my own mother. I am now 16 and just recently, maybe 4 months ago, put a name to my weird feeling by searching up "not knowing who I am in the mirror" and the first think that came up was depersonalization. I then read about the symptoms and other people's stories and knew it was what I had, but felt better because I wasn't the only one. Now, however, as I am growing up I fear the day of me leaving the house and living on my own. One because I won't be with my parents or siblings anymore, and I want to connect with them so badly but no matter how hard I try I always feel like there is a barrier between us. And two because I feel like I will go crazy in a house by myself with this disorder. I just want to get rid of this so I can start living my life. So the question is, can I get rid of this and how? I've had it for so long that I really don't remember whats it like to Live. I feel like I'm stuck with this forever and I will see the people I love the most die around me and I would never have been able to really connect with them. Please help.
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First of all, if you truly have this disorder, it isn't something that you can just get rid of. Please listen to me very carefully, what you are experiencing is a normal part of adolescent development (I will touch on that in a minute,) and please be wary as to what you chose to identify with on the Internet- you do not want to decide that you have that disorder and then identify with it to the point where it becomes your identity with which you use as an excuse not to live a normal life. You are fine and this is why: around you age, your cognitive style (your way of thinking) is at a point of development where you are recognizing that you have your own unique thoughts and perspectives; however, you are not yet able to differentiate between what others are thinking and your own thoughts. This is called adolescent egocentrism, and is usually characterized by two things: ( this is where you'll really see what I'm talking about) The first is called a --personal fable--. Due to your form of egocentrism, adolescents may think that they alone are having certain insights or difficulties that no one else could understand. David Elkind is the psychologist who coined the phrase, if you want to read more about it. He described a personal fable as, "an intense investment in their own (the adolescents') thoughts and feelings, and a belief that those are unique. You may even acknowledge the risks of certain activities, such as driving dangerously, experimenting with drugs, and having sex without contraception a, but not feel endangered because you feel uniquely invulnerable or immortal. The second characteristic of adolescent egocentrism is an IMAGINARY AUDIENCE, where you think you are the center of the entire world. A lot of times, you don't consider that everyone is equally (yes, equally!) wrapped up in his or her own concerns or plans. It's basically a result of someone of you age's inability to differentiate the self from others. The personal fable is a product of differentiating too much. Basically, YOU'RE PERFECTLY FINE! Your just thinking exactly like someone your age! You'll grow out of it. That's just the stage of cognitive development that you're in right now (and if you still think you're totally different than what I described, that just further proves you're experiencing adolescent egocentrism ;) ) Good luck and trust me, you don't want to live with a label of having a disorder that you don't really have for the rest of your life!
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