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I never imagined one day that i'll seek help because i'm stressed from a relationship. I've met this guy a year ago, he was never the type to share his emotions, so it was shocking when he told me a couple of months ago how much he loves me. He was upfront about his bipolar and depersonalization disorder, he's on meds too. The thing is, when he gets stressed it's like he can't focus on anything else, he's an artist and hates touring. so one day he's all i miss you baby and i love you, the next GONE! i know how hard it might be because his music is all he's got, but recently, he had to leave for tour and when i asked how he's doing he said "losing my mind, i hate touring". before leaving for tour he was distant again but i still see him talking to everyone on Twitter and Facebook except ME! i never smothered him, always gave him his space, before he left i texted saying you almost never answer me baby :( he replied "Babe, IM BUSY". i don't get how can someone be busy and still joke around with other people except the person he loves. he's a wonderful and an intelligent guy and i miss him dearly and i know deep down he loves me too. i sent him a message telling him i miss him and i'm always there for him and he can text me whenever he's free, he replied with "i know babe, sh*t is just hectic for me right now". the next day he was leaving for tour so i texted him when he's leaving and he replied tomorrow morning, i asked are you mad at me? he said "NO, I just hate leaving for tour, i hate touring" and that's it. i asked if he can call me before leaving for tour, he never replied. i promised myself not to bother him anymore because i know how hard it is with his depersonalization disorder and how much he hates leaving home. i didn't send any messages for three days, sent him a Facebook message telling him i don't want to text him but i'm only checking on him and that i want him to take care of himself please, he replied "yes boss" as he always does when i check on him. two days later i texted him that i miss him, no reply, the next day i heard there was a fight that broke off in the venue he's performing at and his show got cancelled so i texted him again asking if he was alright and that i'm worried, he only replied with "I'm fine". I promised myself again not to contact him and that he's the one who should at least check on me too, but sadly, i gave in and sent him a message that i'm missing him and when this is all over i will be there for him and that i understand what he's going through. i can see that he's seeing the message but NO REPLY. I love him so much and i know he feels the same but i don't know how to deal with him at this moment, is it normal for someone with bipolar and depersonalization to become distant from the person he loves and yet maintain his other relationships with friends and colleagues?? i feel isolated when he does that and i just keep thinking if i did anything wrong to upset him, he says he's not mad at me, so what explains this ignoring? i'm not sleeping or eating well and thinking all day on how to deal with him, i want to be there for him, he has this idea that he's bipolar and no woman is willing to stay for him, how can i prove him wrong when i want to give him space but i still don't want to text or call when it's obvious he wants to be left alone at the moment. i'm not planning on contacting until he does, i already told him i'm there for him, and it will only make me hate myself more if i send another text and he doesn't reply. can anyone tell me if i'm doing the right thing please?

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Hey Noni,

 

No one can tell you what's going on in your boyfriend's head, except him. But I wouldn't hold your breath for that explanation!

I've read your post a few times over the past couple of days and I've been a little apprehensive in replying, because it's not what you want to read. However, no one else has said it, so I will.

You sound like a stalker. You are making all the effort to contact him, tell him how you're feeling, etc- yet his reaction very much sounds like someone who doesn't really give a sh*t. It sounds as if he's going on with his life and not thinking about you at all, while you sit at home, worried if everythings alright between you. You are taking on the guilt for his lack of response in the relationship. 

And don't fall in to the trap of blaming the bi-polar & depersonalization for his attitude. From what you've written, he's maintained friendships with others electronically, but doesn't contact you. From an outsider's point of view, he's trying to give you the message that it's over and you're not taking it.

This boy (not man, because from what you've said, he's acting like a boy) may have bi-polar and depersonalization, just as he's told you, but I'm wondering what other evidence you have. Apart from cra*ppy relationships and attachment issues, what other characteristics of both mental health disorders does he demonstrate?

Also- whose word do you have that no other ex would stay with him? Do you know the full stories there? How do you know that they didn't leave him because he cheated? Because he was unreasonable?

It's not space that he needs- he needs to grow up and you need to not be so gulible and ready to sacrifice your self-respect for someone who really doesn't give a sh*t about your feelings.

People with bi-polar and depersonalization DO breed- us mental health patients can maintain relationships and friendships, so please don't go blaming something like that for your boyfriend's cr*ppy attitude towards women and/or your inability to accept that a relationship is over.

 

Whatever happens, take care and good luck.

 

V

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He said that hes not mad at you beleive that I have the same issue about not having a good future with somebody too most of the time when im depressed and manic and i hate myself too Its really hard to communicate with your boyfriend when he have bipolar and depersonalization disorder but i think he really loves you hes just maybe most of the time depressed because of his condition and dont know what to do and most of the time always confused, i know how it feels because i am bipolar and now suffering from depersonalization disorder too and i also have have a girlfriend but she far away from me so its hard for me too to communicate with her, all i know is i need to trust her. if you really love him you need to understand him and trust him with all your heart and always support him and tell him you'll always be right there whenever he needs you. Just bare with him and i know you will overcome everything. You can go at bipolar app if you wanna know more about bipolar and relationship, you will see a lot of discussion there. Goodluck!
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