Hello! I am a 37 yr old married man. My wife is 32 yrs old and has been taking anti-depressants for 10+ years. She has tried several types, such as Prozac, Zoloft and is currently on Cymbalta. We have been together for 6+ years. We have a child who's 4yrs old. Here's my dilemma;
When we first met, sex was very regular (as it is with any new relationship!) Once our daughter was born, it seemed that her sex drive just went away. I felt it was due to having a child and gave it time. Well, not much has changed. I have many times talked with her about this and she wants to change however she doesn't seem to be able to offset the side effects and regain her sexual drive. She has great 'O's when we do have sex and said it's not because there's no satisfaction. In fact, she has said after intercourse "Gosh, I don't know why we don't do this more often!"
I would like sex at least once a week (and I have told her this - she agrees!) However, I am lucky if I get it once a month. Sometimes 6 weeks. I am not the type of man who will keep moving forward if she's not receptive to my advances. I know she is not fooling around, we are both happy and very comfortable. We have tried to spice up sex and do different things. She doesn't feel I am being overly demanding or that I am a Nympho. She does know I have a very strong sex drive and am always willing (as most men are! LOL)
What can she do to 'Help Herself' regain the desire the anti-depressants take away? I think the stress level in our home would be much lower if we were doing it more often. Can woman take Viagra? Can someone please help me? Her Doctor doesn't have any suggestion to offset it other than to stop taking the anti-depressants. Obviously, that's not an option.
PLEASE HELP! Any similar experiences & solutions (first hand or close to) would be greatly appreciated!
John
When we first met, sex was very regular (as it is with any new relationship!) Once our daughter was born, it seemed that her sex drive just went away. I felt it was due to having a child and gave it time. Well, not much has changed. I have many times talked with her about this and she wants to change however she doesn't seem to be able to offset the side effects and regain her sexual drive. She has great 'O's when we do have sex and said it's not because there's no satisfaction. In fact, she has said after intercourse "Gosh, I don't know why we don't do this more often!"
I would like sex at least once a week (and I have told her this - she agrees!) However, I am lucky if I get it once a month. Sometimes 6 weeks. I am not the type of man who will keep moving forward if she's not receptive to my advances. I know she is not fooling around, we are both happy and very comfortable. We have tried to spice up sex and do different things. She doesn't feel I am being overly demanding or that I am a Nympho. She does know I have a very strong sex drive and am always willing (as most men are! LOL)
What can she do to 'Help Herself' regain the desire the anti-depressants take away? I think the stress level in our home would be much lower if we were doing it more often. Can woman take Viagra? Can someone please help me? Her Doctor doesn't have any suggestion to offset it other than to stop taking the anti-depressants. Obviously, that's not an option.
PLEASE HELP! Any similar experiences & solutions (first hand or close to) would be greatly appreciated!
John
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As a male on anti-depressants, I have the same problem. Lack of sex drive and problems staying erect. The other problem with AD is it attenuates your normal emotional level so while the highs and lows are gone, so is everything else it seems, your emotions seemed to be flatlined. I myself find it hard to get excited or emotional about anything since taking AD, including sex. Viagra won't work as they need you to produce a chemical that comes when you are aroused, and if you aren't aroused...so a female version, if available would have the same problem.
I don't know what the answer is. She obviously enjoys the lovemaking but don't expect her to initiate or be excited at the start. You are going to have to get her up to speed. But knowing that her lack of desire is chemical, and not either of you personally, hopefully will help you emotionally. Your a good partner to support her. Remember woman love closeness and cuddles as much as we males like the act itself.
I don't know what the answer is. She obviously enjoys the lovemaking but don't expect her to initiate or be excited at the start. You are going to have to get her up to speed. But knowing that her lack of desire is chemical, and not either of you personally, hopefully will help you emotionally. Your a good partner to support her. Remember woman love closeness and cuddles as much as we males like the act itself.
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Thanks for the quick response Enigma, and for sharing your own personal experiences. I have always been the one who has to initiate the love making, and yes - honestly it becomes a challenge because as anyone would prefer, I enjoy giving as receiving initiation.
Honestly, (and I am not sure if this is good or not, so ladies please chime in here) I often times just don't try once we're in bed. I will talk with her before we reach the sheets and say something playful like 'Hey, how's your mood tonight? I'm feeling pretty frisky.....' this way I don't always get shot down when in the sheets (the constant rejection definately has it's effect on ones emotions!)
More times than not, she will be receptive to my advances before going to bed, however once in bed she will be too tired or the spark just isn't there. I try and sweetly initialize by being playful once in bed. Reality is that she has told me flat out that she isn't one for much fore-play and rather just get right down to business. That's great here and there, however I do feel at times that some petting would be very good. I have tried to draw a bath, candles, massages, foot rubs and the like. Mostly it falls on an unexcitable (as you described) and just blah about it.
After so many years I feel at times that I have run out of romantic ideas and when constantly rejected, that begins to have an effect where I have no desire to constantly being told NO or I'M NOT IN THE MOOD. IT SUCKS!
Thanks for letting me vent!
John
Honestly, (and I am not sure if this is good or not, so ladies please chime in here) I often times just don't try once we're in bed. I will talk with her before we reach the sheets and say something playful like 'Hey, how's your mood tonight? I'm feeling pretty frisky.....' this way I don't always get shot down when in the sheets (the constant rejection definately has it's effect on ones emotions!)
More times than not, she will be receptive to my advances before going to bed, however once in bed she will be too tired or the spark just isn't there. I try and sweetly initialize by being playful once in bed. Reality is that she has told me flat out that she isn't one for much fore-play and rather just get right down to business. That's great here and there, however I do feel at times that some petting would be very good. I have tried to draw a bath, candles, massages, foot rubs and the like. Mostly it falls on an unexcitable (as you described) and just blah about it.
After so many years I feel at times that I have run out of romantic ideas and when constantly rejected, that begins to have an effect where I have no desire to constantly being told NO or I'M NOT IN THE MOOD. IT SUCKS!
Thanks for letting me vent!
John
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