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Dear all,

I'm a woman who normally has a healthy, strong sex-drive.  But I couldn't help from noticing that my sex-drive/lustiness/libido seems to have substantially diminished in the last month or two.  On some occasions, instead of enjoying a sexual moment and being completely excited and consumed, I've actually found my mind wandering, feeling a bit bored and not excited.  I used to get very aroused when my nipples were touched, but in the past month my nipples now don't seem to have any sensitivity.  When they're touched, I no longer feel feelings of arousal.  Sex used to be something I used to really look forward to, but now I don't seem to get very lusty and excited.  It bothers me that these feelings and sex which used to bring me so much enjoyment and pleasure in my life seems to be gone.  Any thoughts on this?  Is this normal or unusual?  I'm 47 years old.  Does a woman's sex drive go down with age, or can it stay up?

Thanks,

Rose

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A woman's sex drive can certainly go up as she gets older, especially if she is married. But the onset of the menopause does have its effects which sometimes have to be managed.

However, everyone is different, and as your biggest sex organ is your brain, the way you think about sex has its impact. How is your sexual emotional quotient?

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Thanks Shepherd for your response. It's good to hear a woman's sex drive can go up as she gets older. I was divorced a number of years ago. I now have a steady boyfriend, though technically I'm not married. For clarification, why do you specify "especially if she is married"? What dynamics or factors are you referring to there? I agree the biggest sex organ is the brain. What do you mean by "sexual emotional quotient" though?

If you don't mind me asking, are you a man or a woman (and how old)? Are you writing based on personal experience or observation?

Rose
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Dear Rose
I am an older male (my gender should be evident from my profile) who has grandchildren, and I write based on both observation and experience.
If a woman is married there is the environment for improved sex. The mutual trust experienced and presented fosters better sex. I have seen reports that indicate married people tend to have better sex lives. Marriage provides the stability so often needed for freer sexual expression. That of course is not always the case as you may well have experienced. When married, there should be the total mutual trust and understanding, coupled with a mutual desire to satisfy the other spouse that enables libido to flourish. Then, when older, with (hopefully) a more mature outlook on life, and perhaps with parental responsibilities not as acute as when younger, the knowledge acquired over the years can be harnessed, especially if with the same spouse.
A number of women first experienced a true orgasm when over 35, and many only ejaculate with a full body release when well over 40.
As sex is a matter of heart mind and soul, and well as body, our attitude to sex on all levels is an important factor regarding libido. The emotional side of sex is as important, if not more so, than the mechanics. So your sexual emotional quotient would be your measure of how sex is perceived as a whole, and not just the 'plumbing'.
So your libido has a better chance of increasing when there is an emotional and spiritual stability regarding the relationship. Also many sense heightened libido when the concern about pregnancy fades.
This is just touching the surface of a very complex subject, but I hope it helps.
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Hi Shepherd,
Thanks for sharing that (and sorry for delay in responding, my thread follow doesn't seem to be working, so didn't see it when it first came in). What you said was beautiful, and I agree "mutual trust" fosters better sex. Where did you see that "A number of women first experienced a true orgasm when over 35, and many only ejaculate with a full body release when over 40."?

I would love to hear more experiences about a women's sex drive and experience of sex at age 40 and above (either from women or men). Or if someone could direct me to some good sources, sites, book, etc where women and men share their experiences/stories on this, it would be appreciated.

Thank you,
Rose
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Health Ace
6888 posts

Not sure but I think you need to be a member to get reply notices so you can follow a thread easily.

I'm over 70, been married 45 years and it was a long time coming for me to figure out how to truly satisfy my wife. I blame that completely on the lack of sex-ed when I was young. I had heard or read about girls being able to have orgasms and I certainly tried to give my girl friends one manually and orally, for both our pleasures. I certainly wanted to do it for her plus I wanted to see my girl have one.

When I was a teen it was nearly impossible to get any information on that subject and it bordered on being illegal to try to get that kind of material. As time went on the articles in those forbidden magazines turned out to be my best source of that "dirty" information.

I don't remember exactly when my wife experienced her first orgasm as a result of what I was doing but I know it wasn't in the first couple years of our marriage. The "shameful" nature of oral sex didn't keep us from doing it but it did keep me from exploring her vulva to the fullest extent. It turned out that she has a completely hidden clitoris and that didn't help in achieving the ultimate goal. It's in there all right and I am now able to give her very satisfying orgasms manually. No longer orally as she still has hang-ups about "dirty" sex and her libido no longer overcomes them. However she still enjoys orgasms at nearly 70 but no longer likes penetration.

We were still pretty active until after I had my heart attack when I was 56. Penetration became an issue when the BP meds killed my little guy after that and she wasn't interested enough after that to make worth the cost of pills to get him up. She has arthritis in her hands so I'm on my own for making him feel good now. Even though it won't stand up any more it still feels really good and he likes to have his head rubbed nearly every day.

Her kitty isn't as demanding and once a week keeps it purring.
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Thanks Njoylife for sharing that and congratulations on being married 45 years! Great to hear your wife still enjoys orgasms at nearly 70. So are you saying she's still lusty near 70 and demanding sex at least once a week?

Would love to hear from some women on this. Any chance Shepherd and Njoylife that your wives could share their experiences and thoughts on their sex drive after age 40?

Thanks,
Rose
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6888 posts

Definitely not lusty and she would never share her thoughts. I have always had to do all the work and initiate everything. However the old sayings seem to be true. She is much nicer to live with if I do it to her about that often but she would never admit to that. Always seemed strange to me that she will never initiate sex but she will complain about not having enough. Of course she only complains when we're not in a situation to do anything.

The first night I was home after the bypass surgery she jumped my bones and rode me. Something she had never done and refused to do before then. I always thought I would love that and I was right so when the girl who interviewed me before starting cardiac rehab asked how my sex life was, I told her it was great, but after I was able to do it the normal way she never did it again. I wonder if she was really glad to have me back or if she was trying to kill me LOL.
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Can't remember where I read that, but it something I've known for some time. I continue have an active sex-life with my wife.
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Njoylife, I tend to think that if "she will complain about not having enough", it means she enjoys it and is lusty (though as you say, she would never admit to that). That's funny about "jumping your bones" after your surgery lol. She must have missed you, maybe scared of losing you and happy to have you back - I think those love feelings can especially bring out the lustiness in a woman.
Rose
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Shepherd, great to hear you still have an active sex-life with your wife! I've been really concerned that my sexual desire, lustiness and ability to get sexually excited may already be extinct at 47 years old, and that sexual enjoyment even with the right partner at age 50 and older may no longer be something I can enjoy in life. Maybe there's still hope for me :-)
Rose
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As your biggest sex-organ is your brain, the desire to sexually active is half the battle won.
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Hi Rose,

It's nice to read a posting from someone who is not a teenager !!,
Your sex drive has not dried up just having a rest. My wife and I are in our late 50's and no longer have to work. We used to have sex on a regular basis but now we masturbate every morning for 30/40 mins I always needed to j/o usually in the shower but now we take our time together. I think my wife is hornier than me in the morning she really likes to put on a show. Her nipples have also changed over the years but she still can get them hard .
You may want to invest in a few adult video's again the wife and I enjoy them together and see who can last the longest !!
The more you worry the worse it will be. A vibrator can also be a good investment . I promise you they do work.
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Hi Rose

I wouldn't recommend adult-videos (unless they are just educational). Porn desensitises and leads to unrealistic expectations. They are actors after all. "used to have sex on a regular basis but now masturbate" sounds like a poor second best. Find the right guy and get to know him first. If you put sex first, then look for a guy, you will be putting the cart before the horse, and it will surely lead to disappointment.

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Hi Stuart,
Thanks for your message and I'm glad you say "my sex drive is just having a rest" (I really hope so :-). And sorry for the delay in responding, I was out of town for some time and fell behind on my messages. It's great to hear about you and your wife's experience going into your 50s. It hadn't occurred to me that sex can get even more spicy and fun as a result of retirement and not being rushed every morning to go to the office. If you don't mind me asking, when you say you masturbate together every morning, is that purely masturbation or is that followed by intercourse/orgasm nearly every morning or a couple of times a week now? I think it's good to be open to all types of things to enhance intimacy and eroticism (adult videos, vibrators), to what works well for a couple. How do you and your wife use the vibrator, is that more something you do on your own or together?
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