can't get hard only before sex

Hi, soo i see this is a guys topic so i'm sorry to intrude but my bf has the same problem. for a couple of days now he'll be hard as a rock before and when it comes down to it he gets soft. and i don't understand why all of sudden this is happening because we've had plenty of sex before so i don't know what it could be. anxiety i think doesn't seem to fit. but you are the guys so you would kno better than me. if you have any suggestions please post back.

Women are welcome here, too. :-)

Your boyfriend's problem is extremely common and easily treatable. You, as his girlfriend, will have to be very patient and supportive, though. Don't make a big deal of this, that would only make him more nervous. Most men hate to admit they have a problem and are usually too embarrassed to go see a doctor.

I'm not a doctor but this seems to be a case of sexual performance anxiety (coital anxiety). He's able to attain an erection but he loses it just before penetration. This shows that there's nothing organically wrong with him.

Anxiety is a major cause of ED but it may be just part of the problem. Depression and mood fluctuations can also cause ED. Erections start in the brain and if the brain isn't working properly, sexual problems will occur.

I used to suffer from the same problem and in my case, the penis ring and oral drugs (Vigamed, Cialis) were very effective.

I suggest you start with the penis ring. It will make his erections harder and last longer. He should put the ring before the erection but he shouldn't wear it for more than 30 minutes. You can buy a penis ring in any sex shop or you can try the ACTIS device manufactured by a pharmaceutical company called VIVUS.

Is he normally an axious person? If so, I also suggest he takes SEREDYN on demand (30 minutes - 1 hour before sex): SEREDYN is not an ED treatment, it is a natural supplement for the treatment of anxiety that has no sexual side effects. It also increases dopamine levels in the brain, which is a good thing for sex. This is probably all he needs to boost his confidence and improve his sexual performance.

If the problems persist, he should consult a urologist. There may be some underlying organic cause that he's not aware of and he should do some tests. Better safe than sorry. And even if this is 'just in the head', a urologist can prescribe an effective treatment.

Meanwhile, don't forget: persistence, patience and lots of support.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

Well let me tell ya something: my boyfriend and I have been together for about four months. He is 50 and i am 48. He got soft on me a couple of times during sex in the beginning and was not a big deal to me. But now, it's a big deal to me when the last four times we had sex he orgasms first and then becomes soft and cannot continue to satisfy me. I will whisper in his ear "wait for me ~ almost there" he responds, "It's too late" I thought he was joking around at first. But man he was serious, I am feeling really sad about this. I suggested to him to go online and check out some sites for answers and he has looked up sites to sort this out himself but I feel I am doing more work on this than he is.

Hi!! Frnds i m 18 years old and i do hand sex from 13 years now i think my penis is not hard so how i make it hard please halp.....

well im not telling age or anything but im in upper 20s and have come so close to getting an std that everytime i want to have sex now i cant cause i freak out in my mind and think that im going to get one. its so bad i want to take every girl i wanna have sex with to the dr to be tested b4 we do anything cause thats some scary stuff. If you ever read about stds and what they do to you if you dont already know you may not take it serious at first cause you know that only happens to other people but there are some stds that stay with you for LIFE and some even can kill you although there are medications around to keep you living if your lucky but you can get them pregnant and get stds like herpes which thatd be great right blisters that are irritating poping up all the time thatd be cool and syphillis, look that up and look at what they do to your body if not treated and hiv which hiv can take years for you to know you have it cause it may show no signs or symptoms while its killing your immune system to where you cant stop the common cold from killing you. Sex is fun but man its scary to

I'm 23. when me and my girl are messing around every thang is good untell im about to put it in her then i loses my erection. I want to find an aswer to this, because my girl is fine but she wants more. So how do i stop losesing my erection before going into her vagina.
please responed. the next step is taking to the docters about it. my email is

I using Viagra ..My sex life is back!!! I advise this site.... ! The tablets arrived well within the timeframe given.. I'm happy! =) good luck..

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this really helped my nerves. i hate this sh*t. it annoys the f**k out of me. with my ex girlfriend i had the same issue but got better with it as time went on. i just started seeing someone else and have been really nervous in situations we could be doing things and havn't been able to hold a full erection which if i dont have find it hard to well bluntly stick it in her. %-)

This is so frustrating to me. I'm 22 and have been in a relationship for just about a year now. I've always considered myself to be pretty lucky because i can get hard instantly. yet it ALWAYS goes away quickly. Normally (the past 10 months) we've been having great sex and hard as a rock too. But the past 2 weeks have been downright awful. It's valentines day and i can't get hard. Only when it comes time to having sex. Fooling around any other time and the flag is at full mast but not during sex. I thing it's because i'm getting bored she feels it necessary to orgasm via me fingering her before i stick my penis inside. All while she's slowly stroking me. Great and all but it's getting annoying and i just want to f**k slowly and romantically. I'm hard to start with and then to the boring foreplay. If i eat her out i'm f*****g Hercules coming out from under the blanket with a super penis LOL. But as soon as she slowly strokes it i keep thinking how badly i want to stay hard. i can't help it. I'm trying everything i can to clear my head. Nothing is working and i've just about had enough of it. She's pissed and upstairs while i'm sleeping in the basment writing this pathetic note. Most likely to be ridiculed by these 15 and 16yo boys. No offense guys. I'm not trying to be a douche but something is seriously wrong with me. Guess i'll start jerking it again. FML

Need to clear my head. What to do, yoga, meditate, acupuncture. HELP!!!

I suggest you and the previous poster read my post on sexual performance anxiety. You may find some useful tips there.



I suffered from the same problem (coital anxiety) but I was able to overcome this curse. Today I'm 33 years old and my sex life is perfectly normal.



I have a few more tips:



a) Don't worry! Sexual performance anxiety is easily treatable, there are many solutions available. Try not to think about it too much.



b) Do some research on this subject. Read books, talk to experts, search the Internet. Being well informed always helps.



c) Start by doing some research on the infamous 'fight or flight response'. When you get too anxious, the release of stress hormones constricts peripheral circulation so that blood can get more rapidly to your vital organs (heart, lungs). The penis is not a vital organ. In fact, the last thing you need when you're facing a dangerous/stressful situation is an erect penis!



d) Anxiety is closely related to depression and depression is also a major cause (and consequence) of ED. Depression causes ED and ED causes depression. Erections start in the brain and if the brain isn't working properly, sexual problems may occur.



e) Sex is all about relaxation. If possible, take a nap or a hot shower before sex. This can do wonders for your performance. The warm water will relax you and dilate the blood vessels that bring blood into the penis to form an erection.



f) A penis ring can help you maintain your erection. It is, however, uncomfortable and your partner will see it. Don't wear it for more than 30 minutes.



g) Try to find a sexual position that you feel more comfortable with. In my case, I prefer the woman on top. It's easier for penetration and she'll be in control of things.



h) Oral drugs are usually very effective. My urologist prescribed me Cialis and results were impressive. I'm also taking VIGAMED (oral phentolamine), a new ED drug that blocks the negative effects of stress hormones and improves blood flow to the penis. VIGAMED (formerly known as Vasomax) is not available in the US but it is a licensed ED treatment in South America and you can order it online.



i) I've already mentioned SEREDYN here. SEREDYN is not an ED treatment but it may be useful in cases such as ours. It is a natural supplement for the treatment of anxiety that has no sexual side effects. I take it 30 minutes - 1 hour before sex. I know this is a lot of stuff but it works!



j) Always consult your doctor before you decide to try any treatment or natural supplement



Good luck!

im 15 gunna be 16 soon and iv had sex 1 time allready and it went all good everythang went grate! but iv could of had sex with 2 other girls by now and i couldent cuz i couldent get hard... and idk what to do? me and my gf now are real close on having sex and i really dont want this 2 happen with her
but i dont understand why with my 1st time everythang went good i got hard and it was good we had grate sex so i wassent scard 2 have sex agin but when i went to i couldent get hard?

I'm 22, and I've had this problem for about 3 years now. I used to be able to go for a while, get hard all the time. Now I cant get anything, even when receiving head. I can't get up by myself even. I barely ever think about sex any more.

Im realy gllad to be reading this
im 15 and me and my girlfriend mess around allot and iv never had the problem of getting hard but i did yesterday when we decided to have sex. I know that it was b/c i was nervous but that didnt realy help at the time. We ended up just laughing a little bit about it and just stayed on foreplay. we both had a realy good time over all but i realy want to have sex with her. shes very attractive and weve been together for a few months, i just need to know any tipps people can offer so i can get it up when were going to have sex, not just foreplay?

Stay erect longer secrets? No kidding. I want to share a secret I found that worked for me and really improved my relationships with women. No matter how hard I tried in the past to stay erect longer I would ejaculate almost immediately fr0m the sight or scent of her naked body.

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im having the same problem and ugggggh its so frustating... i get hard so easily with her anytime, or even on my own.. but then when were alone and we got a chance to bang i go as soft as possible, and i honestly dont feel nervous at all like im ready for this ive been waiting a long time with her.. just i dont know wut to do and its very embarrising when this happens :-( I need more advice then to just relax cuz im all ready doin that, im starting to think im never gonna get laid D: