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I have been living with my boyfriend for about 6 months and we often have little arguments which I can accet are partly my fault but recently he seems to be seriously overreacting to situations. Last night he asked me to move a spider for him but after about 30 seconds of me trying he started shouting out me to flush it down the drain. At first I thought he was joking as I would never do this (I am a vegetarian and have a phobia of killing things/dead things) but he then gave me an ultimatum that if I hadn't moved it in 2 minutes he would kill it. This made me very nervous but I tried to keep calm and move the spider but by the time I had, my boyfriend had gotten so angry that he had decided to sleep in another room. I went to tell him that the spider was gone and was completely loving and friendly towards him even though he had been behaving in that way but he refused to talk to me. Today he still won't have a conversation with me but is acting in an aggressive way whenever he sees me. Usually I can look at an argument rationally and see what caused it but I can't understand this behaviour at all and am beginning to think that he may have a serious problem but I don't know what to do about it. Any suggestions?

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He's slowly realizing that his and your values on the subject of life are quite different, but he loves you and doesn't want to say " it's just a goddamn spider ffs, there's like a bajllion more" , so he holds it in and bites his tongue because he knows that for you even a lowly spider has value, even though in his heart he disagrees with that viewpoint.

So what happens in his mind is there is a battle in his soul that has now split in two, one that loves you and will try anything to stay, and the other that wants to keep his identity intact i.e. giving a rats as about spiders because you do while he himself doesn't.

The point is that you could get 1000x better help by talking and listening to each other, instead of coming to some lame advice website that's just other peoples opinions anyway.

 

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