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I'm struggling with my bf and he has autism. I love him lots and he says he loves me but he acts like he hates me and its pulling me down. I can't understand why and what caused him to be like this. We fight a lot and I hate to see us like this.

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Health Ace
6884 posts

Have you figured out why you love him? I don't hear anything lovable there.

I think the best way to make him happy would be to leave. That should be your path to being happy yourself.

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Hi Chrissie, its not your job to "make him happy". He doesn't act the way he does because of anything you do. He acts that way because that's how he treats people he is in a relationship with. Going to great lengths to please him won't change him but it will destroy you. You will lose your own sense of self and sense of identity if you are constantly altering your behaviour so that he will treat you better. His behaviour is not your fault or your responsibility. Think about what loving actions are, not loving words. You need someone who shows you that they love you through their actions. And not just every now and again. Always. They need to act in a consistantly loving way. That doesnt mean buying flowers and kissing and cuddling, although that is part of it, it means first and foremost treating you with dignity and respect. Building you up, not putting you down, supporting you when you are sick or when you are sad, making you laugh, not making you cry. anyone can say the words "I love you". And he might love you in his own way. He might also tell you that he loves you because he is scared of being alone. But that is not enough. he needs to show you that he loves you through his actions. I am speaking from experience here. I stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for far too long. I always believed that I could change him or change me and one day he would see the light, change his behaviour and we'd llive happily ever after. but it didn't work out like that, it robbed me of my happiness and destroyed my mental health. After lots of therapy I am now in an amazing relationship with a truly loving and caring man. the difference isn't just like night and day. It is like heaven and hell. Please choose heaven over hell, or day over night. There are lots of people out there to choose from. Choose the ones who will treat you right. Wishing you all the best
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