something like that happened to me and it was 9 years ago and i still have pains off and on and i was traumatized about anything to do with sex and men before that. I cried reading your story. I'm so sorry. I had noone and like you my mom kept bullying me and having her friend bully me in front of others. I don't EVER want to go. And like you I went as a virgin. I did have one other exam years before, but it wasn't to bad, but I did it again because my mom bullied me. :'(( I'm so sorry that happened!! It's so wrong!!! :'( I'm so sorry. safe hugs and I hope you ae doing better.
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I'm so sorry you didn't have a good experience with your first GYN appointment. Some doctors really have no bedside manner. If you ever decide to get another gynocological exam, you can always ask to meet with the doctor at a separate appointment before they ever see you naked. This will be a chance for you to ask the doctor some questions so you can get to know them and they can get to know you. Pelvic exams are important for your health even if you are not sexually active. Doctors can find fibroids and tumors on your uterus and ovaries that may effect your ability to have a family when you are ready. I know I'm a year late in responding to your post, but I truly do hope you are doing better than when you wrote this.
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I'm very sorry that happened to you that would be horrible even for a person who had had sex.
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I had a pelvic exam a month ago and when I got home I started experiencing low back pain. At night its the worst. I didn't have any pain before being examined. Im now getting PT. So far nothing has changed. Im scheduled for a pet ct scan.
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I know your post was a while back, but I felt like I should respond, even if it might help someone else with a similar story.
Firstly, I was a virgin until I was married in my mid-twenties. It is not the most common decision, but you are definitely not alone there. Secondly, I'm now a nurse, so I can see things from the patient and the professional side of things. There are some areas of your post I'd like to address.
I am SO sorry that your first visit was so inappropriate and traumatic. I hope you're doing better now and any subsequent exams have been better, if they've happened. I know that after a traumatic exam it can be hard to go back for follow ups, but they are important. I'd suggest calling around and before booking asking if they have experience in dealing with abuse victims before booking an appointment. I'm not saying that what happened to you labels you as an abuse victim (though an argument could be made for that), but if that gyn does have a history of dealing with abuse victims and knows your history of a traumatic first exam, she or he can be extra slow and patient and take more precautions to ensure that you're comfortable for future exams, possibly even prescribing a low-dose sedative before hand. Sometimes you can even set up a non-invasive visit just to meet and talk and see if you click before committing to a pelvic. Even though it's clinical, it can be very personal to have someone's hands inside you - and if you've met before, have a plan, and know that you're comfortable with the person it can go much more smoothly.
As far as what you experienced:
Being half naked in a cold room under a paper sheet, with an uncomfortable paper gown, and having to wait an extended period is unfortunately not unusual. It's not ideal, and they should be able to provide you with a blanket if you request it in many clinics, but probably going to happen again. Bring a jacket to put over your lap in case they don't have a blanket next time. As far as the doctor going to see another patient when you were wearing street clothing, I don't think it was intended as a punishment. I know it would have only taken you one or two minutes to change but in that time she can actually get things done, and it sounds like she was backed up, so I can understand why she left again... though I understand that it was not ideal to you. And that should have been explained to you in further detail. Try to remember that this wait, while uncomfortable, means that she's spending time with another patient like you - and hopefully taking the time to answer all her questions.
Listening to music with headphones on could compromise your safety and comfort, because she needed to not only do the pap smear, but also a pelvic, and be able to ask you if there's discomfort with that. With the pap, she should have been communicating with you so you were not caught off-guard, and may have needed to give you instructions to scoot down or relax that you wouldn't have been able to hear. That said, if soft music without headphones made you more comfortable, there's no reason that should have been not allowed.
It is true that a lot of people lie to their doctor about their sexual history. It sounds like she's become very jaded because of that. But if YOU request your mother's presence that should never be forbidden. You can always state that you will discuss your history with your mom (friend, boyfriend, etc.) outside, but you want her present for your exam if the doctor is more comfortable and you are comfortable with that, too. You have a right to have someone with you. It is not a sterile procedure and the doctor should be concerned about your comfort. If they're not, find a new doctor.
The way you were spoken to was so unbelievably inappropriate. I am appalled for you. I wish I could report this doctor to the licensing board. She was abusive. You could file a lawsuit for battery for her not stopping when you asked her to stop. Shoving a speculum into a crying girl's vagina is not acceptable. Doing an invasive exam without consent is NOT acceptable.
If you've never used tampons or menstrual cups it's possible your hymen was partially intact and that contributed to the pain and feeling of tearing and if so the next one shouldn't be as painful. The fact that she was rough also clearly contributed to the pain. Even after having sex, vaginal exams are never comfortable for me, but the discomfort is tolerable and I've never had any tearing. The pap smear is the worst of it - if feels like a quick scraping. Also the more you can relax, the less pain there will be as the more you tense up the harder it is on the healthcare provider doing the exam to see what they're doing and the more they have to rely on the speculum to keep your vagina open enough to see, and the more likely they are to accidentally hit your cervix or something because they can't see well (which isn't generally comfortable.). Which is also why a mild sedative at least for your next one might be helpful, to help prevent the instinct and panic that would cause more pain and perpetuate the cycle. I don't normally promote sedatives for routine exams, but after a trauma they can be very useful and worth asking about.
It's also not uncommon for sexual abuse victims to wet the bed well after they developmentally should. I know it's hard, but please try not to feel ashamed of this.
I am SO SORRY this happened to you. PLEASE try not to think of it as a sexual experience though. It was a terrible, invasive, abusive, medical examination that involved your reproductive organs. Trying to look at it from that perspective can help limit bleed over to your first sexual experience with a person you choose, who you hopefully feel comfortable with and who hopefully is patient and treats you well.
My own personal soapbox:
Now... If you haven't had sex your chances of cervical cancer are lower, but not zero, which is what a pap smear looks for. Many virgins are either bullied into getting a pap through misinformation or providers not believing that they are virgins. However, there is still a smaller chance of cervical cancer and it's not unreasonable to have a pap. Not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV. An older virgin might especially opt for one as cancer in older persons are more prevalent (and some people opt never to engage in a sexual relationship. There is NOTHING wrong with that.)
Also, I do believe pelvic exams and discussions with gynecologists are important even for virgins as many medical issues can occur with these organs even without having sex. It's very common in our culture for young girls not to be open and honest with their mothers/grandmothers/guardians/other women, or for those women to even be uneducated and spread false information. A discussion might include:
*What to do about cramps (on that note, ibuprofen works better than acetaminophen (tylenol) if you can tolerate it medically, but always take it with food, and preferably start taking it right when you start cramping or a day or two before if your'e predictable enough. ibuprofen is a prostaglandin inhibitor (the substance that causes cramps to simplify. Tylenol is not. Why mydol frequently has Tylenol instead I'll never understand.)
*How frequent and long periods should be
*How often changing your menstrual product is normal (i.e. flow rate)
*How large of clots are normal
*Common PMS symptoms and what to do about them.
*What normal discharge looks/feels like throughout the cycle and what sort of discharge may indicate a problem.
*Also, birth control and STD protection as many schools are teaching abstinence only, and that STDs can be transmitted through oral and anal sex, not just vaginal. It's most important to be fully educated on this BEFORE you're put in a situation where sexual activity might occur, as things can get... blurry.
Among other things.
If any health care practitioner is not eager to educate you for your own wellbeing and long lasting health, run away, find a new one. I've also found it useful when a healthcare provider is acting inattentive and rushing to curiously and calmly, but seriously, ask them why they went into [their chosen field]. Oftentimes they then remember on their own that they're dealing with a human being and slow down a little. There are great ones out there, I promise. Even they have bad days sometimes though.
Firstly, I was a virgin until I was married in my mid-twenties. It is not the most common decision, but you are definitely not alone there. Secondly, I'm now a nurse, so I can see things from the patient and the professional side of things. There are some areas of your post I'd like to address.
I am SO sorry that your first visit was so inappropriate and traumatic. I hope you're doing better now and any subsequent exams have been better, if they've happened. I know that after a traumatic exam it can be hard to go back for follow ups, but they are important. I'd suggest calling around and before booking asking if they have experience in dealing with abuse victims before booking an appointment. I'm not saying that what happened to you labels you as an abuse victim (though an argument could be made for that), but if that gyn does have a history of dealing with abuse victims and knows your history of a traumatic first exam, she or he can be extra slow and patient and take more precautions to ensure that you're comfortable for future exams, possibly even prescribing a low-dose sedative before hand. Sometimes you can even set up a non-invasive visit just to meet and talk and see if you click before committing to a pelvic. Even though it's clinical, it can be very personal to have someone's hands inside you - and if you've met before, have a plan, and know that you're comfortable with the person it can go much more smoothly.
As far as what you experienced:
Being half naked in a cold room under a paper sheet, with an uncomfortable paper gown, and having to wait an extended period is unfortunately not unusual. It's not ideal, and they should be able to provide you with a blanket if you request it in many clinics, but probably going to happen again. Bring a jacket to put over your lap in case they don't have a blanket next time. As far as the doctor going to see another patient when you were wearing street clothing, I don't think it was intended as a punishment. I know it would have only taken you one or two minutes to change but in that time she can actually get things done, and it sounds like she was backed up, so I can understand why she left again... though I understand that it was not ideal to you. And that should have been explained to you in further detail. Try to remember that this wait, while uncomfortable, means that she's spending time with another patient like you - and hopefully taking the time to answer all her questions.
Listening to music with headphones on could compromise your safety and comfort, because she needed to not only do the pap smear, but also a pelvic, and be able to ask you if there's discomfort with that. With the pap, she should have been communicating with you so you were not caught off-guard, and may have needed to give you instructions to scoot down or relax that you wouldn't have been able to hear. That said, if soft music without headphones made you more comfortable, there's no reason that should have been not allowed.
It is true that a lot of people lie to their doctor about their sexual history. It sounds like she's become very jaded because of that. But if YOU request your mother's presence that should never be forbidden. You can always state that you will discuss your history with your mom (friend, boyfriend, etc.) outside, but you want her present for your exam if the doctor is more comfortable and you are comfortable with that, too. You have a right to have someone with you. It is not a sterile procedure and the doctor should be concerned about your comfort. If they're not, find a new doctor.
The way you were spoken to was so unbelievably inappropriate. I am appalled for you. I wish I could report this doctor to the licensing board. She was abusive. You could file a lawsuit for battery for her not stopping when you asked her to stop. Shoving a speculum into a crying girl's vagina is not acceptable. Doing an invasive exam without consent is NOT acceptable.
If you've never used tampons or menstrual cups it's possible your hymen was partially intact and that contributed to the pain and feeling of tearing and if so the next one shouldn't be as painful. The fact that she was rough also clearly contributed to the pain. Even after having sex, vaginal exams are never comfortable for me, but the discomfort is tolerable and I've never had any tearing. The pap smear is the worst of it - if feels like a quick scraping. Also the more you can relax, the less pain there will be as the more you tense up the harder it is on the healthcare provider doing the exam to see what they're doing and the more they have to rely on the speculum to keep your vagina open enough to see, and the more likely they are to accidentally hit your cervix or something because they can't see well (which isn't generally comfortable.). Which is also why a mild sedative at least for your next one might be helpful, to help prevent the instinct and panic that would cause more pain and perpetuate the cycle. I don't normally promote sedatives for routine exams, but after a trauma they can be very useful and worth asking about.
It's also not uncommon for sexual abuse victims to wet the bed well after they developmentally should. I know it's hard, but please try not to feel ashamed of this.
I am SO SORRY this happened to you. PLEASE try not to think of it as a sexual experience though. It was a terrible, invasive, abusive, medical examination that involved your reproductive organs. Trying to look at it from that perspective can help limit bleed over to your first sexual experience with a person you choose, who you hopefully feel comfortable with and who hopefully is patient and treats you well.
My own personal soapbox:
Now... If you haven't had sex your chances of cervical cancer are lower, but not zero, which is what a pap smear looks for. Many virgins are either bullied into getting a pap through misinformation or providers not believing that they are virgins. However, there is still a smaller chance of cervical cancer and it's not unreasonable to have a pap. Not all cervical cancer is caused by HPV. An older virgin might especially opt for one as cancer in older persons are more prevalent (and some people opt never to engage in a sexual relationship. There is NOTHING wrong with that.)
Also, I do believe pelvic exams and discussions with gynecologists are important even for virgins as many medical issues can occur with these organs even without having sex. It's very common in our culture for young girls not to be open and honest with their mothers/grandmothers/guardians/other women, or for those women to even be uneducated and spread false information. A discussion might include:
*What to do about cramps (on that note, ibuprofen works better than acetaminophen (tylenol) if you can tolerate it medically, but always take it with food, and preferably start taking it right when you start cramping or a day or two before if your'e predictable enough. ibuprofen is a prostaglandin inhibitor (the substance that causes cramps to simplify. Tylenol is not. Why mydol frequently has Tylenol instead I'll never understand.)
*How frequent and long periods should be
*How often changing your menstrual product is normal (i.e. flow rate)
*How large of clots are normal
*Common PMS symptoms and what to do about them.
*What normal discharge looks/feels like throughout the cycle and what sort of discharge may indicate a problem.
*Also, birth control and STD protection as many schools are teaching abstinence only, and that STDs can be transmitted through oral and anal sex, not just vaginal. It's most important to be fully educated on this BEFORE you're put in a situation where sexual activity might occur, as things can get... blurry.
Among other things.
If any health care practitioner is not eager to educate you for your own wellbeing and long lasting health, run away, find a new one. I've also found it useful when a healthcare provider is acting inattentive and rushing to curiously and calmly, but seriously, ask them why they went into [their chosen field]. Oftentimes they then remember on their own that they're dealing with a human being and slow down a little. There are great ones out there, I promise. Even they have bad days sometimes though.
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Same here! Just had my annual exam this morning, and within an hour or two afterwards, I was having horrible cramps from my hips on down, like everything just ached. After doing some more reading online, I'm thinking more and more that the bimanual exam (where they insert a hand and then push on your abdomen) is mostly unnecessary, and is an outdated procedure that we need to start questioning. Why be surprised when you're in pain after having your vagina, cervix, uterus, ovaries, and bladder, all smashed under someone's hands? These are tender organs and they're undergoing some trauma when this exam is being done. There are better and more accurate, modernized tests that can replace the manual exam, ladies (urine tests, blood tests, ultrasounds). It's time we speak up for ourselves.
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I'm returning nearly 2 weeks later because things still aren't back to normal. I felt fine until two days ago, when I suddenly experienced absolutely horrible cramps that were as bad as labor pains. Advil couldn't touch the pain, and it just continued in waves for over an hour. Then I started spotting this dark brown stuff, like really old blood, even though my period wasn't due for another week. I can't help thinking the exam and the cramping I experienced afterward has something to do with this, as this has never happened to me before. This really, really makes me want to just tell my GYN to keep her hands to herself and leave my body alone!!
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This is ridiculous. I had a pelvic exam yesterday and had the manual probe done after he looked up there with the speculum but did no pap. What the hell is the purpose? I told him I have had cyst pain lately and now that I think about it, what he did was stupid! If I have had cysts, what are you forcing your fingers up there for, and pushing down on my pelvis? Tonight just before eating, a wave of horrendous pain in my pelvis hit me hard, and it was intense. It immediately triggered a severe panic attack (I have had cysts before and anxiety soared durint the cystic months). I wasn't right all night, wondering what the heck happened to me. I'm on the p.o.p pill and I don't get cramps. Suddenly 24 hours after a doc jabbing his fingers up there, I had excruciating pain. This p! $$@s me off. He wasn't gentle about it and now that I'm reading these things aren't necessary, what are they doing them for?! The freaking medical system is a scam, I swear. Give me an ultrasound every year to check me over and keep your fingers out of my crotch!
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I am a 56 year old woman, I haven't had sex for 11 years. Last pap and exam was in 2007. I've had five C-Sections. I haven't had A ANY pain or issues down there until I had a pap and pelvic exam 3 days ago. The doctor squeezed my overies. NOW, I have pain and cramping. I think this is the WRONG MEDICAL PROCEDURE. I think the doctors are CAUSING INJURIES. She kept saying, "If you experience any cramping, have an ultrasound, there could be problems." PROBLEMS.. the Doctors are CREATING. What do all of you think? I'd really appreciate your feedback.
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I just experienced the same thing.
I went to er room.they did catscan said i have swollen lymphnodes in abdomen area believe cause by a virus or infection and are inflamation.
Bottomline either gyn caused an issue ir issue was already there n he aggravated it
Get a catscan.
Stomach bloat or pain should be looked into
I went to er room.they did catscan said i have swollen lymphnodes in abdomen area believe cause by a virus or infection and are inflamation.
Bottomline either gyn caused an issue ir issue was already there n he aggravated it
Get a catscan.
Stomach bloat or pain should be looked into
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Good news!!! If you are healthy, no pregnant and have no pelvic symptoms, the American College of Physicians are recommending no more pelvic exams. That doesn't mean that a Pap smear goes away. Check on the internet. It is a great fact. Hope this helps
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Good news for you. Your Doctor may have put you through this dreaded exam for more money and your pain and embarrassment. The new recommendations on June 2014 from the American College of Physicians highly recommends to discontinue routine pelvic exams for healthy, non pregnant women with no symptoms. Check it out on the internet. It is a fact. Pelvic exams are known for creating more problems, testing, embarrassment, and costs to women. You still need pap smears but you can say no to pelvic exams.
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Good news for you. Your Doctor may have put you through this dreaded exam for more money and your pain and embarrassment. The new recommendations on June 2014 from the American College of Physicians highly recommends to discontinue routine pelvic exams for healthy, non pregnant women with no symptoms. Check it out on the internet. It is a fact. Pelvic exams are known for creating more problems, testing, embarrassment, and costs to women. You still need pap smears but you can say no to pelvic exams.
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Did u ever find out? Day after my exam. Can't get out of bed. Do I need to go back ? Was it just cramping or an injury. I would really appreciate a reply. Thank you.
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