I am 47 years old and have a wonderful life.  I love God, my church, I have 2 wonderful boys that are grown and a great job, my own home and a great boyfriend that I am going to marry soon that treats me like a queen.  I have been taking bc pill on and off since I was 22 and when I turned 46 I asked my gyno if I could go on progesterone only bc pills because I was concerned about the regular pill with estrogen at my age and the side effects.  Well, I was on that pill for about a year and went back for my annual check up and my gyno said Junel would work better for me since it is more effective (even though I had no problems on Heather (progesterone only bc pill). Well 15 weeks later my body woke me up at 6am with my heart beating fast, terrible anxiety, upset stomach, no appetite (lost 25 pounds), a feeling of gloom and death that I have never had before, a severe depression that made it so I could not get happy about anything not my bf not Disney, not  my family and I did not want to go to work it was hard to make it through the day, I was crying for no reason and everything I felt in my body made me think I was dying no matter what is was. I really thought I was dying. At 9:30 every night I would feel complete normal until I went to bed and then my body would wake me up again at 6 am in full panic. I went to my gyno and she said no this cannot be hormonal and she switched me to another bc pill I had never been on before "genesis fe" and gave me Zoloft and told me that if I did not feel better in 3 weeks to go see a psych.  I felt like I must be going crazy. I did not feel any better at all in 3 weeks and I then went to my primary and had full blood work done, thyroid etc. and he said everything is fine and even my cholesterol was only 185.  He gave me Xanax .5 twice a day and took me off Zoloft and gave me wellbutrin 300 xl oce a day.  My primary said this was hormonal but he could not prove it with blood work.  After 6 weeks on wellbutrin I felt no better so I took myself off the bc and 3 days later felt some relief but still could not get happy about anything.  I had my primary doctor do a full hormonal panel after being off the pill for 2 weeks and he said it was within normal levels.  After being on the Wellbutrin for 12 weeks and still feeling this way I was so desperate I went to my pharmacist and told her the story and she said that I needed to go back on the progesterone only pills and in 3 weeks I would feel like myself again.  She said to have my doctor wean me off wellbutrin after a few weeks when I felt better. She said the antidepressant was not working because  my issue was hormonal.  I have been on the progesterone only pill again for 2 weeks and I cannot believe how much better I feel.  I am not completely feeling like myself yet but I have started to wean myself off the wellbutrin the way my doctor said to since requested to get off of it.  I know I love my  bf very deeply and he is a truck driver and is only in once a month and I really did not want to see him because I felt pressure to try to feel normal when he was here and i just felt so sad.  I am going to an endocrinologist on monday and I will let you know what I find out.  I just want to help others that may be going through something like this and no one understands it not even you. Just know that you are not crazy and you are not alone in this.  Just keep fighting until the doctors find your answers. DONT GIVE UP! YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS!