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Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8 ) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18 ) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads aren't sweet, or meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't grouse and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese.
So one moose, 2 meese?
One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

People, not computers, invented English, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

AND why doesn't "buick" rhyme with "quick"?


whew. my head hurts now.


English rocks.


je ne comprend pas.




When I saw this in my email today it just hit home. Trying to teach the pure insanity of the rules of English to little people is so hard.

Our teachers (who also have to put up with the kids themselves, while trying to teach this unruly gibberish), I am convinced now more than ever, do NOT get enough credit or pay.

They should be paid as much as doctors. They help raise the world's kids and try to get some smarts into their little heads; it's an important and highly underrated job.


I think I'll print this out and have the kids read it when I test for learning disabilities! ( Oh, I hope that didn't sound mean....did it?)


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"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse wh*re. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary." — James Nicoll

Isn't there beauty in the craziness? :)



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Health Ace
6903 posts
But it is a fun language and understandable as opposed to French where you read the whole backward sentence to get to the last word that tells you what they were doing. "I you love" Does that mean I love you or you love me? Is there anyone who can actually speak Latin? If so where do they find someone to speak it to? I get instruction manuals printed in several languages but it seems that the English version takes fewer words to say the same thing. Also when the writer whose first language is not English uses the wrong word most of us can still decipher the meaning.


Not mean at all!



That rocked.