Why is sex so painful for me?

Hello, as you can see, I have a big problem that is depressing me quite a lot and causing my boyfriend and I some serious confusion and frustration. Get ready for the longest and most boring thing you've ever read...

You see, I lost my virginity about 3 or 4 months ago. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, but I kind of expected it to be.

So after I 'healed', we tried again, and it hurt so bad that we would have to stop. Then we would try again when I felt healed. We kept doing this for a couple of months until finally we pretty much did it every day, sometimes skipping a couple of days. But, the problem with this was, it STILL hurt. Not nearly as bad as the first couple of times, but still pretty unbearable.

This is where we start to get a clue that whatever we are doing isn't right. So we wait a couple of weeks to see if I just need more healing time. And we only lasted that long because we did oral sex on eachother everyday so we wouldn't be tempted to try anything. But then the day came, and we didn't hesitate to get started.

But guess what? The second he started going, it started hurting like it did before. I got so mad that I starting crying again. Not because it hurt, but because I was so sick of us having to stop EVERY SINGLE TIME, I didn't know what was wrong with me, and he was feeling guilty because he kept hurting me when all he wanted to do was give me pleasure. Of course, I don't blame him for any of it. You can't find many boyfriends like him.

Since we can't keep our hands off of eachother, we pretty much just kept doing what we did before. Eventually, I started getting a little more used to the pain and even felt a wink or two of pleasure every now and then. I got so used to it that he finally got to finish a few times. But the last time we did it, it felt really terrible again and that is when we decided that there definitely wasn't something right here. We promised that we wouldn't have sex for 2 more months, or at least until we figured out if there was something wrong with me.

I have been doing some research on the internet and found out a few things that I think might be our problem. One thing that caught my eye right away, is what I guess you would call a 'Sexual Disorder'? Anyway, there are many of them, but the one called vaginismus caught my eye. (Click here and here if you want to know what vaginismus is.)

As I read about it, I started to realise how much it sounded like me.

Quote:

Vaginismus is a condition which affects a woman's ability to have sexual intercourse, insert tampons and undergo gynecological examinations. This is the result of a conditioned muscle reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle in which they clamp shut, making penetration either extremely painful or impossible.

Now, I don't know if I have this or not, but the more I read about it, the more I believe it. The only thing is, I haven't ever experienced anything that would have caused it, except maybe when I had my first time.

So anyway, I know this was a long and dramatic story, but I had to get it off my chest. The point of this whole thing was to see if anyone has any tips/advice or to see if there is someone out there who has had a problem similar to mine. Anything would help out right now.

I hope you can understand. All I want to do is make love with my boyfriend and actually enjoy it at the same time. I mean, we would still love eachother even if we couldn't ever do it again, but we would be so much closer this way. *Sigh, Sniffle, Wink*

So any help would be much appreciated. I apologize for the length and drama of this thing, but I felt like that was the only way I could express myself. Plus, I like typing. Thanks a bunch! :D