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I had my first boyfriend two and a half years ago. We were both 19 at the time, we are now 21. He is very good looking. Typical blonde haired, blue eyed surfer, and I'm not so bad either haha. I was a virgin before I started dating him. Anyway, throughout our whole relationship, the guy took no interest in me sexually whatsoever. He isn't like normal guys, who get turned on and start to kiss you and feel you up. He never did that. We only had sex when I asked him. He only got a hard on if I put my hand down his pants. He would often push my hand away and say or scream no. When we did have sex, it felt like I was raping him. It seemed like a chore to him. Sometimes, when I was perfoming oral sex or sexual intercourse with him, he have this look of complete disgust on his face. He didn't start ejaculating until we had been having sexual intercourse for 2 months, and that was only because I had a really heated emotional outburst over it.

I only saw him on Thursday and Saturday nights, and more often than not, I would end up crying as he didn't want to have sex.
He also more often than not asked to stop throughout sex and went soft. He didn't really have an erection problem though and has a larger than average penis. Sometimes he said he couldn't feel anything. The guy didn't even really kiss me passionately ever. Passionate kisses were really just reciprocated ones. He never made one sound during anything sexual. He used to perform oral sex on me, and once started dry retching when I made him (I have very good hygeine andwas shaved completely). His excuse was he doesn't like gory things like insides of bodies.

He asked me once for sex. When I told him no, he looked so happy and said he respected me so much for it. The only time he showed sexual interest in me was the night his grandfather died. He ripped my pants off! He also looked happy and relieved when I had my periods, as if to say "yes, no sex!"

He has a lot of pictures of naked women on his walls and reckons he is obsessed with lesbians. I once found in his computer history someone had been looking at up to 30 lesbain sites a night. He said it was him but also his brother. This confuses me as he says he likes lesbians, but hates performing oral sex on women or masturbating me. Isn't that all lesbians do to eachother?

He has a stack or pornography magazines that were given to him, but they just sit in the corner of his room and appear to be never touched. He didn't want to watch porn with me. I tried every trick in the book to make him aroused but nothing worked.

Keeping in mind he is the dumbest person I have ever met, he asked me on our first date if I wanted to "go see that new Heath Ledger cowboy movie". No matter how dumb you are, I am pretty sure the publicity surrounding it was about homosexuality not cowboys, but he may have missed the point.

On the night he dumped me (which was out of the blue in the middle of me crying about a mate who just died) 6 months later, the only movies on were Brokeback Mountain and Casanova. He said he wasn't too keen on Brokeback Mountain, but he see it. He didn't really care which one he saw. He'd see either for Heath Ledger. This is coming from a self confessed major homophobe. He sometimes mentioned how he hated gay guys so much.

He told me he dumped his ex because all she wanted was sex (he lost his virginity to her and she isn't attractive at all!)

I've asked him heaps why he was like that sexually with me. He usually doesn't answer. A few excuses have been I was always too tired from work, when I dumped my ex she said I used me for sex, iyou have to be hot for someone to be attracted to you-he said that once and took it back, and the latest is you were always available so I took it for granted. I knew it was there and I could get it whenever. The excuses have only really been said once each, and its like he is just giving me excuses to shut me up because I hound him so much over it. He usually doesn't answer or says I don't know.

Before and after me, I am sorry to sound stuck up, he has dated really, really,really ugly girls. His current girlfriend has bright red hair and is very pale and wears tons of makeup, just like the one before that. He told me what he loved about me was I was really tanned and never had to wear makeup and took just as long as him to get ready. That I am a natural beauty. He also said he never date a woman who smokes, and the one before this one did. All the girls have asked him out. He was forced to ask me out by my friend. When he is singel, he doesn't chase girls like normal guys eg on a 2 week cruise, all his friends had sex with at least two girls. He didn't even kiss one.

He is apparently deeply in love with this current girl he lives with and has nearly been with for a year, and so he tells me when I asked him, he is completely normal sexually with her and loves it. They do it often.

I have accussed him several times of being gay, even when he was my boyfriend. He has only said a few times he isn't gay. Usually he says nothing.

What do you think really of the situation? Was it me or him?



It defiantly was not you. So you shouldn't blame yourself. You sound like a really sweet girl and any guy would be lucky to have you, it's his loss not yours. It's more then likely that he is gay and just in the closet still in denial. It turns out that way for a lot of guys who turn out gay they don't know how people friends and family will react and they think something is wrong with them and just try to fight it. I'm sure your a very attractive and clean girl so don't worry about it.  ***this post is edited by moderator *** *** private e-mails not allowed*** Please read our Terms of Use



i went out with a closet homosexual for 2 years when i was 16. at that time i just couldnt figure out why he would barely touch me and did not want to kiss. he was so lovely otherwise and he's still my best friend.

2 years after we broke up, he confessed to me he was gay, and that it felt weird for him to even say that. he wanted to be heterosexual so much and was confused he didnt really understand it all. my mother had a feeling he was gay cuz he wasnt feeling me up all the time lol.

usually people that are very homophobic are unconfortable with their own sexuality and sexual thoughts, that is a big indicator apparently, its actually been proven scientifically (see psychologytoday)

its never the heteosexual's person fault. im sure youre a lovely, lovely girl.



All along when you wrote the message I was thinking "gay gay gay gay".
I have many gay friends, I have lived in the past and still live with gays now. I have worked for/with gays.
Being gay is NOT a disease, it is NOT something wrong, it is something that exists and that is perfectly normal and society must get over it. He should accept being gay, but no one can force him to accept it.
The comment just before mine is a good example of why some people do not want to accept they are gays.

And of course... from what you have said, there is nothing wrong with you ;-)