I have been married for almost 9 years. I knew long before we were married that my wife had 7 guys before me. I never forgot that fact but have never thought about it or been bothered by it. Our se life has degenerated to 2 minute quickies, missionary only and then 'OK get off of me'. Oral? well I've heard of it. All sarcasm aside she has maybe done it for me half a dozen times during our entire relationship. OK so far so normal, maybe.
Two nights ago we were arguing about something and the fight got worse and worse, she revealed that in university she had smoked up and hash laced something or other till in a blast of anger she said that she used to blow her past boyfriends. Its difficult to put emphasis and tone into the words but imagine it being said like, 'well, that was a good time for me, so how do you like that?' I am out of my mind over this. I find myself full of rage and hostility to the point that I feel the hair on the back of my neck standing up, of wondering what made her want it from them? The conclusion is it was fun for her to play with big toys, feelings of comming up short, images of her doing/taking it, and wondering how much bigger the number is than 7 now that we includ BJ's.
It's been quite a while since our sex life has been even adequate but now I can't even imagine any sex with her. If she gives more than the 2 minute missionary it will be only to patronize me or try to convince me that I'm fun too and I will never believe her sincerity. Doing the 2 minute deal could I ever stop thinking of how she's probably wishing it were one of those past boyfriends that she could enjoy? Is there a way out of this or is our marriage done? Will I ever be able to see her the same again or are the images of her in the porn compilation of BJ's all that remains after the bomb?
Loading...
Hi Kirk,
I am very sorry to hear about how distressed you feel about your wife, relationship and in turn yourself falling short on the 'sex' end of things. Don't make her shortcomings become yours, then your self-confidence will be nil or void and it's absolutely the last thing you need.
To be honest I'm wondering how you could stay married this long with so little passion in your life and from the person whom is supposed to be able to share this with you and give themselves to you unconditionally? Also, another wonder, is how old is she? She should never bring past relationships into a relationship and into an argument, sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do.
I used to be shy of sex as well and anything involved my excuse was that I did not like my body and didn't like sharing it as I was overly concerned about what they thought. Now, I love me and my body and my husband is a pretty luck guy - most times. Does she have any health concerns or on any medications - these can cause vaginal dryness which does not attribute to great sex although there are ways around that one too. I know, I have my fair share of health concerns. The other thing to think about is this, even when I don't want to have sex or my body doesn't want to, I do it anyways (it usually ends pleasurable anyways) as I don't want my hubby to think I don't like him or that I am getting it somewhere else.
What she is doing to you is certainly not the way to keep a relationship healthy and it's not fair to you at all. If you WANT your marriage to survive you are going to have communicate to her your feelings of this and what she is doing to you and your relationship. Would you consider talking to a marriage counsellor with her? If she does not want this, you are going to have make a decision if this is how you want the rest of your life to be? Love is a 2 way street and right now you are doing all the giving and it seems pretty one-way to me.
Sorry to give such a long reply but I feel your pain and empathasize with you. I may be female but I generally don't get along with them too well as I can't stand the games they play with emotions and feelings. Females are mean and cruel! (But not all are this way, there are a few good ones left, where I don't know).
Hope this helps
Loading...