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I've been married to my wife for 9 years. She was in another relationship when we first slept together. She broke up with him the next morning. In the first year of our marriage she slept with another man. She says it's because we she thought we were separated because I left town to try and get a job (I couldn't get one in the town we were in) and she wanted to end out relationship rather than sit around hurting for me. I told myself that there was some merit to her assumption and we got past it. A few years later we fell on some hard times and I moved in with my mother for while. I got a call from her saying that she was at the house of some friends of ours and she wanted me to come. When I got there she tried to seduce me into a foursome. I got up and left and instead of staying she came with me saying that she didn't want to be a part of it if I wasn't involved. I told myself that she was again trying to get over me by doing something stupid sexually and chickened out at the last minute by calling me. some years later she after finishing school she got a job as a teacher and met a colleague that she had an affair with. They slept together once while we were living together (i was unaware of this) at which time she told me that she thought our relationship was falling apart and I should leave. I left and she slept with him two more times at her parents house while they were out of town. After a couple of weeks she called me and asked me to come back home. I did because I missed my family. I still didn't know that she'd slept with him. I asked her but she denied it and I believed her since she'd always told me about her infidelities. 3 months after we'd gotten back together she finally told me that they'd slept together and now I am trying to work through it.

This is different for me because we weren't on any kind of break the first time she slept with him and i think about it daily. I want to work it out but I don't know if I should. Is she a text book cheater? Can I expect to go through this again? Because, if so i will not be waiting around for that to happen. But if there is a chance that this was some kind of extenuating circumstance or maybe a one time thing I want to work to protect my family.

I have not been innocent in this relationship. I never hit or cheated on her but I have been neglectful. For a long time I was pretty much tuned out of our relationship and did nothing to maintain it. After she asked me to leave I made a 180 and have been doing everything to fix my marriage. Finding out that they actually slept together has been a huge set back for me though. I don't know if I'll ever get over this or if I should.

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in my books, once a cheater, always a cheater

from what you have said it seems like everytime things get a little difficult she runs off and sleeps with someone else

if she cheats on you, how does she expect you to trust her???

maybe you should sit down and ask her why she has done it and if she really wants to be with you and you alone that she has to stop running to other men when things get tough.

if she can't do that - then you'll have to decide what you want.

no one can make that decision but you
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i agree with everything monkey293 has said; its as if she is unable to have a mature conversation with you and resorts to cheating just so she can avoid it. To me, i feel that somebody who is truly in love will never cheat. that moment of lust can be easily ignored when something that serious is at stake.. of course, the decision shouldnt be what strangers on forums tell you to do, but hopefully you can come to a decision that will make you happy in the long run. my honest opinion is that yes, i do think something like this will happen again.

good luck...
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Nobody is ever innocent in a relationship that is in shambles. It sounds to me tha you have made many excuses for her misbehavior and I am not sure why. I feel that marriage is a commitment and you take vows and it does not sound like she has kept any of them. You mentioned that you became neglectful in your marriage and I am wondering why you did that? Good luck and please make sure that you take good care of you. Don't make excuses for behavior that is not right.
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