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my fiance and I have been together for 4 years on Jan. 5th, from the start we never had the ideal relationship. he was in the army and we never got to spend a whole lot of time with him. over the time he was deployed and even when he was home on leave, he had been talking to other girls and getting/sending nude pictures. and there was a lot of girls, and we have fought about it numerous of times and I always forgave him.

earlier this year we went through 2 weeks of separation where I think he did stuff with a girl that had been causing problems earlier in our relationship, although he wont admit to doing anything but kissing her. I was sexually abused by someone I thought was a friend, during those 2 weeks and ever since then have been messed up in the head and I go through mood swings when something triggers a memory. I hate it and wish I could help it but I can't.

well since then we were great until I found out he asked another girl for a nude picture, but again I forgave him but I am always worried he will do it and just get better at hiding it...

anyways, we were great again, until I got pregnant, we both got excited as did his parents. but at 8 weeks, I lost it. the miscarriage was extremely hard and painful and he was like a rock for me while I was healing from the D&C.

but lately he hasn't been wanting to cuddle or do anything sexual. we are either out running around or he is on his computer. and when we are laying down he either says he's not in the mood or we will fool around for a little then stop. it hurts to have sex with out a condom but he refuses to wear one and says we just wont have sex then. but when we fool around its only me doing the work, he won't kiss me or turn me on, but I always do for him. 

over the past few months, I have gained weight and I am worried he is no longer attracted to me. but he is to porn as he has a whole folder for it and he masturbates after I go to sleep.

is it my fault? am I being to jealous, or unreasonable? and most of all, will it get better once we are married?

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Dear PeaceMel

"he is [attracted] to porn as he has a whole folder for it and he masturbates after I go to sleep." Then he is being unfaithful to you

  1. "is it my fault?" No
  2. "am I being to jealous" No
  3. "or unreasonable?" No
  4. "will it get better once we are married?" Certainly not.

He is being completely unreasonable, and is not likely to improve. He has no respect for you at all. Leave.

 

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I have been married for 34yrs. We have our ups and downs but we are still together. We have our fights but we work things out. I feel the same way you do too. I have gain weight and I feel he doesn't love me anymore.We don't cuddle either. My husband was in a prison for 18 months a couple of years ago and got friendly with a nurse there. Now he has been emailing her and the rest is history. She is all he thinks about and I'm sick of it. He wants no sex with her ( we are committed to this marriage) and he just wants to fill his ego with her. If porn is all he does that is natural for a man to do. We haven't had sex for a long time but I got him off the other day and I hated it. I got no pleasure out of it and no response for myself either. After I take a shower I ask for sex but he says no I say Don't forget I asked, screw it then. Just as long as he isn't going out and having sex with anyone else,you can save your marriage. I have the same problem with him on the computer too.( no sex site) Let me know how things go. dejolane

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