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my husband and i have been married 35 years. have always had good sex until now. he is 55 i am 53. i have recently discovered he gets up after i go to sleep and watches sex on tv and masterbates. he now cannot climax while having sex. shows no interest in me at all. is this normal. i feel as if having sex with me is second to him satisfying himself through masterbation.

please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am ready to call it quits after 35 years.

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YOU NEED TO DECIDE HOW MUCH YOU ARE WILLING TO TAKE BY HIM DOING THAT. IF HE CAUGHT YOU DOING THAT WOULD HE BE MAD? I HAD THAT PROBLEM WITH MY HUSBAND. HE WOULD GET UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WHILE I WAS SLEEPING AND DO IT. I GOT ON HIS CASE BIG TIME. FINALLY AFTER I HAD ENOUGH I TOLD HIM I WANTED A DIVORCE. WHEN HE ASKED WHY I SAID THAT I WANTED A REAL MAN WHO WOULD MAKE LOVE TO ME, WHO WANTED TO BE AROUND ME, WHO WANTED TO TURN ME ON, AND THAT HE HAD HIS CHOICE. INSTEAD OF PICKING THE ONE PERSON WHO LOVED HIM MOST IN THE WORLD, HE PICKED PORN. I LEFT. AFTER 4 OR 5 DAYS HE CALLED ME CRYING AND JUNK. I AM A WOMAN WHO WON'T PUT UP WITH A MANS sh*t, I DON'T CARE WHO HE IS.

DONT LET HIM MAKE IT OUT LIKE IT ISN'T A BIG DEAL BECAUSE IT IS. IF IT IS HURTING YOUR MARRIAGE AND HE WONT STOP, YOU NEED TO STOP IT. SOMETIMES LEAVING IS THE ONLY WAY TO SHOW HIM THAT HE CAN'T HURT YOU WITH IT IS BY NOT HAVING HIM IN YOUR LIFE TO DO SO. IT IS VERY HARD TO WALK AWAY FROM 35 YEARS BUT THERE IS LIFE OUT THERE AND GOOD MEN.

HOW FAR ARE YOU WILLING TO GO TO GET AWAY FROM IT? ASK YOURSELF THAT. SOME WOMEN WILL SAY DON'T DO IT, IT'S A MAN THING. THIS IS YOUR MARRIAGE, DO YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND TRYING TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU BUT CAN'T GET OFF BECAUSE ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS WATCH OTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMAN HAVE SEX SO HE CAN GET OFF?
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Your story sounds so familar to me. When I first started dating my now husband of 10 years, we too had this problem, we would have sex for hours and he just could not climax. He had porn everywhere in his house and I shrugged it off to "oh well he is a single guy, single guys do that". He could not climax during sex, he would go soft. I too would wake up and catch him in the act. He would tell me it had nothing to do with me. This went on for a long time and I guess I would have to say that if I knew then what I know now, I would have left.

After a year or so things got better, or so I thought. Now my husband is working out of state for long periods of time. Well, the other day he asked me to go and purchase a webcam so we could masterbate together. I thought because he would be doing this to my image, not someone elses it would be ok. Two days later and he can not climax to my image. It lasted 2 freakin days!!! He tells me he has not been materbating other than to me and that we have done it for two days, that I need to spice it up (remember, 2 days) I dont believe him. I tried talking to him about this and he just hangs up on me.

I believe it will not get better, we all deserve to be happy, and I don't know about you, but when this happens I feel unattractive and worthless. I know thats not true (I am 8 years younger than him).

I believe the old saying, "love is about sacrafice and compramise", if you don't have that what do you have?

I too feel like ending my marriage (and I have 2 small children). I don't think this will get better (for me anyway). Am I willing to let it go yet again? Can you let it go and see what happens? I give you great regard if you do, I can not.
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Maybe you should of asked him first why he is doing it. Have you put on weight do you care baout yourself, still look sexy. If the answer to this is no then you ought to look in the mirror first!
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i woudn't stick around if it keeps going on with my husband. i have no problem getting dirty in the bedroom. he and i will do things that would make other women sick. anyway, i have come to figure out that i just get old to him, but when he sees other men looking at me or talking to me he gets all mad and pissed off (jealous). i have given my husband the oppertunity to leave at his own free will. i tell him i will always love him but i don't want to be married to someone who puts me second all the time when i go out of my way to make him feel good.

like i said before, you have to decide how far it goes before YOU say Enough. he had his chances and blew them. i don't look at porn due to the fact that i would never want to make my husband insecure exspecialy if he catches me masturbating to other men. he would be pissed!! i love him and i have enough respect not to do it. i love looking at a nice built body on men but i just don't do it now that i am married.
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Been there. Married only 5 years at the time and NO to one above I was young, pretty and in shape. He apparently liked himself better than he did me. We soon divorced. My husband now of 32 years loves me. We both have changed (aged) but he still comes to me for his satisfaction. We do things others may not approve of if they knew but for us it works and is wonderful.

If your husband cannot make love to you and be satisfied, you need to find someone you can. Guess we need to realize that we are not all alike and some men need porn to help them climax. Sharing pron works for most but when it doesn't - something more is wrong. Have you discussed this with a therapist?
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The answer to these problems is not always to give up and walk away. Marriage and relationships in general takes work and commitment. I am perplexed that the only advice given here is to quit. Why? To show that you wont take his c**p because that will show you are a strong person? NOT! That isnt the only answer. The only thing that shows is how easily you give up. It shows you are a quitter. My advice is to seek counselling. You can be a strong person and still admit that maybe this is an issue that just cant be solved on your own. Unless of course leaving is what you really WANT to do. To me quitting is not an option until all other avenues have been considered. 35 years is a long time to just say all of a sudden that this something you cant handle so you will just walk out. Oh well? I think not. This thread only reiterates how our society is viewing marraige. When you get married, no matter how blissful things may seem, one should still realize that there will be problems and that it will need commitment and effort on both sides. Men and women are so different and it is difficult, more often than not, to live and cohabitate as a unit. Try conselling before giving in and being a quitter.
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I find myself in the same situation. I discovered my husband masturbating after he "thought" I was asleep. Porn on his screen. He acted like it was "I'm being bad" and one time thing. Well I search his computer for temp files and found a record back at least 3 months before he had cleared his machine. I lay in bed waiting for him to come to bed. He says out saying he's working. He often stayed up late but it wasn't to work I discovered... He's been watching porn weekly if not more (sometimes the temp files were every night or several times a week.

Maybe wants to make love to me twice monthly...why? Because he's spent himself on PORN. I get so lonely waiting for him, sleeping alone until he comes to bed. I had no idea. I'm devastated, disappointed, hurt, and just can't get it off my mind. I’m trying to work but the images just keep coming back to me. We have a good relationship and I've always been willing to try anything. I'm still pretty and in good shape. I just don't get it...TEARS
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For all the woman that find their men masterbating, find out why? I am married to a man of 8 years, who masterbates. I was married to my High School sweetheart for 13 years and being young I know he had magazines but never thought about the masterbating. We would have sex 2 or 3 times a day back then I believe all guys find porn fun and exciting. It's sneaky!! This replicas that, hurry in the bathroom thing, moms coming, little boy feeling. I think its all sick myself, but there is always a root behind the problem. Porn is an addiction. Just like a drink here and there. After a while that drink starts to consume you. Porn is fun at first then it is implanted in there minds. They can't help but see those images over and over. It soon becomes that addiction they can not get rid of. They begin there sneaking up at night to watch the porn. My story is... I started off very mad, but more hurt then anything. This does make us feel very insecure of ourselves. I felt I could not satisfy him. I kept this to myself for a while and waited to see how often he would do this. He would do this when he would come home from work in the bathroom and I'm sure other times. He wouldn't even wait til I went to bed, this was going on during the day. I was confused as to why? I went desparetly to my ex- husband. I grew up with him,so I felt I could talk to him. I had to ask that one question to him. Was I satisfying him in our sex life when we was married? By the way we divorced over him drinking so badly. He let me know I was and then helped me with other issues to. He asked if I mad my husband feel secure in our sex life. If I uplifted him and told him how good in bed he was. I never even thought about that!! I just thought he would think everything is ok unless I told him differently. To make a long story short,he has always felt insecure in the bedroom. It was easier for him to go masterbate then to feel he couldn't perform the way I would expect him to. He had all these issues going on in his head. Why ? Because he watched Porn so much he thought this is the real way to have sex. He was waiting for my reaction in the bedroom the way they was. Those girls are acting !!! He was always a few seconds man and was teased with other girls growing up also. He had some premature ejactulation problem also and felt if he could relieve hisself during the day he could last longer in the bed for me. I listened and then let it go for a while. This was all at the beginning of our marrige. Just this past week I had to confront him after a week of crying and feeling insecure again. Then I thought I'm not letting this get the best of me anymore. He is the father to my kids I cant leave him for this . We still have sex ..its not like its not there. So I started to search some sex toy shops online. He found out I wanted to order a dildo. Do I need this ? NO!! I just wanted him to get a taste a some insecurity about hisself. I wanted him to feel the way I felt. I started looking at the biggest and longest dildos they make. Why ? because every man is afraid of theirs not working right! We started to talk about this issue of me ordering the dildo for myself. He is mad because he's afraid I might not need him anymore. He told me I could get one only if I used it with him.Then he said why are you wanting one so big? Are you tryingto tell me something? I said "OH you can satisfy yourself but I can't"!!! Anyways... we have had sex every night since! Hope this gives you ladies some ideals.. sometimes toys in the bedroom ad a little spice.Think back on what got him to want you to begin with. Bring back that colored hair and those short skirts. Put that make up on. Keep him wanting you until bed time he wont want to get up and watch porn anymore. Good luck Ladies
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to grace: I have tried the toys on a few occassions, I have even purchased the ramp/wedge combo by: *****. We haven't even used the ramp, I have done over $800 in enhancements in the bedroom. I have even done the romantic approach with candles, music etc. All he can think about is him, very selfish. We just have no sex life, it stinks really bad. I can't even blame it on he is a firefighter and work 24 on and off. He can figure out PS3 games and porn but, not his wife. I will beg him for things that I want him to do and it's been 5 terrible sex yrs. We have had sex 5x's in 2008 from Jan-almost Aug now. I work another job now, not cause I need it but to just stay busy. I am a computer techy so, I know what he does but, oh well now. This is my 2nd marriage, 1st marriage it wasn't even about the sex. It was more of he was physically abusive..anyways....I am 35 yrs old and I don't want to get married again..tears:-( he is pushing me away, he promised me happiness. We are good in all other aspects but, I sex life is down right sad! I have started to masterbate.. Funny, he told one of his friends 2 yrs ago that I was a sex fien and I only got it every thurs. I am just convinced, he would rather do anything else but me. tell me what you think about that
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I do take care of myself, weight wise, I look great. I am told that alot, I always get 23-26 and I am 35. Men hit on me so, I know it's not me. Of course he read the post got offended, he always does.
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let him know that you know. Its not you, they get bored. So what you do is go to the porn shop and by yourself some toys. Trust me, you'll love it. try new things together, spice it up. Masterbate together.
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masterbation is a very very heathly part of life. men and woman all do it and if you don't how are you suppost to know what your boby likes. watch it with him stop making him feel like a 12 year boy that got caught by mom. next times he's on it come out with sexy cloths lil lace bra (not naked make him drool and come to you) you well feel impowered when you see that reaction. have a porn of you pick or toy or a games (try SENSATION)(KARMA STUTA) both are bored games great for couples to get the lust back.
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I read all of the problems ,and I become so impressed .realy sex is a very nice things that god create along with God just for a man and a woman who are married .unfortunately in this strange world that porn and pornography are spread all around the world make this tragedic side effects that you see.
Porn make addiction ,there are a lot of people who seats on front of thier web cam and show thier nude ,they realy don't enjoy ,they are porn addict .then they masturbate a lot of times per or per week that affect their mind and thier behavior .
I recommend these women to consider it as a problem of thier husband ,and try to talk with them gently ,and try to aware them that they are porn addict ,and help them to put aside the porn sites ,porn web cams and .........
I hope one day human underestand the tragedic effects of porn movies ,porn pics ,porn web cams .I pray God.
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Just one viewpoint: This can occur when "spouse A" just isn't much interested in sex. Although spouse A seems to enjoy it at the time, and appears to orgasm, the person ranks the importance and enjoyment of sex in their life right up there with bowling...
"Oh bowling? They still have that? Well, sure we can go bowling if you want to."
(And, as a side issue, almost no one makes themself sexy just to go bowling.)

In the first year of marriage, things happened maybe twice/week. Then a few years later (prior to having kids), the sex might have ranked up there with ice cream (1.5 times/wk), but after kids, it fell to the general importance of bowling. Both partners have aged a bit, but still reasonable in appearance.

The issue has been discussed every few years for 10 or 15 minutes. Usually spouse A can't believe it is an issue. It goes back underground. So now, we have an unspoken contract that once a week is suitable; same time, same place.

Spouse B, on the other hand has always been very interested in sex. To the extent of losing sleep for the first 10-15 years while lying in bed next to spouse A. Now spouse B turns to snippets of porn. Unfortunately during the weekly appt. with spouse A, mostly spouse B just thinks "This would be better if my partner actually wanted to be here as much as me."

- Still in love with spouse A, and yet a porn viewer.
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