i need some advice,i have a girlfriend,who when she was drunk lost her virginty to her neighbour before we started going out,i was a virgin before i met her but it hurts me alot knowing im not her first.they were at his house,this was shortly after she broke up with someone she had been previously seeing(who i know she took a while to get over) so i think she was a little vulnerable,well she was at her neighbours after this happened one night and they were drinking,he offered her to stay at his,and all she mentioned about afterwards was that she was very drunk,cant remember most of it and it was incredibly painful and she was almost crying during,she says she regrets it fully and only had sex with him because he was nice to her,i know she had no physical attraction to him and would not have done this had she not been drinking.anyway afterwards he started comparing her to other girls and changed character,telling her she "is good in bed" at a time when i was with her.ive tried talking to her about it but i get nothing,she says she doesnt want to talk about it,it sounds as though he took full advantage of her,im not sure what to do about this whole thing,but the fact she is not a virgin makes me angry with the guy and hurt,i cant actually sleep some nights thinking about this because im sure she is the one,ive read the arguments and i think i could perhaps accept it if she did love him and if it didnt happen in the manner it did,is this rape? what should i do about this guy? please help
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Hi honey! Have you heard of the "Date Rape Drug" ? The reason why they call it this, is because it is slipped into womens and sometimes mens drinks and then whomever did it, takes them and basically rapes them - the reason why I say basically is that he/she forceablly had sex with someone AGAINST their will, BUT the victim can't remember it at all OR just have bits and pieces of it! They don't even remember the person that did it! IF this happend to your girlfriend instead of her being too wasted, would you still hold it against her? Isn't her being drunk out of her mind and being SO vunerable and this "guy" taking full advantage of her - the EXACT same thing?
He HURT her honey, I can promise you that he was probably not drunk or at the most no where near as drunk as she was! And he hurt her! THAT's the reason why she doesn't want to talk to you about it! She is disgusted, she is hurt, she is ashamed and she feels cheap! I will take a guess that she showers a LOT!! And I will tell you why! She can't get clean enough to get rid of the memory of this pig doing this to her! IF you love her honey, you CANT hold something against her that she did NOT do on purpose OR to you! She HAD this done to her!! No one else! I know your "pride" is hurt that your not her first! BUT If you guys do have sex, you WILL be her FIRST! Her FIRST Real LOVER! What happened to her was just above rape - it might have even been, but she doesn't want to push it further! That doesn't make her anymore unloveable, or sweet or kind! So you have to realize that SHE is the victim here, NOT you OK? Just love her and don't talk about this "guy" again, it's too much for her! Cyber hugs and good luck and health to you both!
He HURT her honey, I can promise you that he was probably not drunk or at the most no where near as drunk as she was! And he hurt her! THAT's the reason why she doesn't want to talk to you about it! She is disgusted, she is hurt, she is ashamed and she feels cheap! I will take a guess that she showers a LOT!! And I will tell you why! She can't get clean enough to get rid of the memory of this pig doing this to her! IF you love her honey, you CANT hold something against her that she did NOT do on purpose OR to you! She HAD this done to her!! No one else! I know your "pride" is hurt that your not her first! BUT If you guys do have sex, you WILL be her FIRST! Her FIRST Real LOVER! What happened to her was just above rape - it might have even been, but she doesn't want to push it further! That doesn't make her anymore unloveable, or sweet or kind! So you have to realize that SHE is the victim here, NOT you OK? Just love her and don't talk about this "guy" again, it's too much for her! Cyber hugs and good luck and health to you both!
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i agree with bambi. also some girls are more naive and they dont think too much ahead and dont know exactly what they want. maybe she didnt think she was going to have that guy all over her. if she was drunk and she wasnt dating anyone at that time, as i understand, then its not really 100% her fault. she just didint know what to expect and maybe the guy was rougher and didnt let her pull back. if he still tries to contact her i`d go to him and have a little talk. just yesterday (new year) a douchebag sent some messeges to my girlfriend and i called him and had a little talk. you could find out what "really" happened. he will lie for sure but maybe you could get him to appologise or smth ? or maybe just leave it to rest. but if he is her neighbour she would see him a lot. it would be better if they got along imo.
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Even though I am sure part of you wants to have it out with this guy, I would advise against it! He already insulted her and made her feel worse by stating that she was the best - to tell you the truth, i think he said this because he forced her and was trying to make it sound like she enjoyed it etc WHICH I GUARANTEE you honey she didn't! Not one girl out there does NOT hurt when its her first time! And if it's with someone she hardly knows OR it was pushed on her - I guarantee you that it hurt her like hell! So leave him be - or it WILL get out of hand! IF he says anything then you say to him "We are thinking of pressing charges against you for rape!" I guarantee you it will shut him up! I have an expression "I want my day in court!" Basically meaning - because I've been harmed, I NEED to have this person dragged over the coals and for EVERYONE to know what a pig this person is and get it documented!" That's why people sue their husbands/wives lovers - they NEED retribution! So I totally get that you need this too, unfortunately you are putting it on the wrong person! What you have to do is look in the mirror and think to yourself 1. Am I a FAR better man then this guy?! 2. Do I love her - TRULY? 3. She will by my first and I will be her TRUE first! Hopefully the answers to ALL 3 questions are YES! Good luck honey!
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Well, YOU are selfishly hurt because of something that happened to HER before you came on the scene?
She was the victim, not you. She has to handle this in whatever way she is comfortable with. Instead of making her feel bad because it happened, you should be attempting to comfort her and help her get beyond it. Don't make this a problem between you and her.
I never even wanted to know anything about a girls previous sex life as long as she wasn't bringing me something I didn't want. I felt it was none of my business. The first time we got together would be OUR virginal experience. She was brand new to me and I hope she would feel the same.
When I met my wife it was not important to me whether she was a technical virgin or not. I never asked her and she never asked me. I was, in the sense that I never had intercourse before I met her. She was dating someone when I met her and I don't know to this day what they were doing.
We had been married about 20 years when she told me she had been raped when she was a young teen, by the father of her cousin. She thought I wouldn't want her if I knew.
If who you wanted her to be is more important to you than who she is as you met her, you have some serious problems to work out in your own mind.
If she feels what happened to her was rape, she needs to do something to resolve that and she needs your support.
Apparently HE thinks he raped her or he wouldn't be acting like he is.
Good luck, you will both need a lot of understanding between you.
She was the victim, not you. She has to handle this in whatever way she is comfortable with. Instead of making her feel bad because it happened, you should be attempting to comfort her and help her get beyond it. Don't make this a problem between you and her.
I never even wanted to know anything about a girls previous sex life as long as she wasn't bringing me something I didn't want. I felt it was none of my business. The first time we got together would be OUR virginal experience. She was brand new to me and I hope she would feel the same.
When I met my wife it was not important to me whether she was a technical virgin or not. I never asked her and she never asked me. I was, in the sense that I never had intercourse before I met her. She was dating someone when I met her and I don't know to this day what they were doing.
We had been married about 20 years when she told me she had been raped when she was a young teen, by the father of her cousin. She thought I wouldn't want her if I knew.
If who you wanted her to be is more important to you than who she is as you met her, you have some serious problems to work out in your own mind.
If she feels what happened to her was rape, she needs to do something to resolve that and she needs your support.
Apparently HE thinks he raped her or he wouldn't be acting like he is.
Good luck, you will both need a lot of understanding between you.
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