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I was raped a few days ago a guy that is boyfriend to my bestfriend who is also my nephews and nieces mum. It was horrible. I told her as i thought she would understand and break up with him. Two guys heard the attack and have said they will be wittnesses. But my friend is sayin not to go to the police, as she does believe he is wrong, but believes that he didn't mean to do it it was because he was far too drunk and he claims to have taken a pill, and he claims he cant remember a thing. She is staying with him and sticking up for him. Saying that its not fair on her and the kids if i go to the police. I love them all so much and i dont know what to do. I need help as that is all i can think about, and am afraid it will never go away.

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Hi Abby,

I'm so sorry this happened. You do need to go to the police. It is not fair to yourself if you don't. You didn't do anything wrong, you should not feel guilty for reporting this. Being drunk and taking a pill is not an excuse. Whether he meant it or not does not matter. I can't believe she would be sticking up for him and defending his actions. She is not being a friend.

Unfortunately, look at it this way: What would have happened if he got drunk, took a pill, and then raped one of your nieces?

Rape is a serious crime. You need to report it now. It may also not be the first time that he's done this, or the last.

They may want to try to recover evidence (DNA) from you as well. If you have not bathed, don't. I would expect you did though as it a common reaction for a rape victim to want to shower. You may also want to seek counseling.

Please keep in touch with us as we are all here for you. Good luck.
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Its too hard, i have bathed several times since saturday night. I have kept my clothing though just incase. I have been textin her all day every day, and she has been saying things like if you go to the police they will ramsack her house, interview the kids and then that will ruin the kids life as they have grown fond of him. He has always been violent when drunk, and he has always been a flirt, but doing this takes it to another level and i cant understand why my friend cant see it. She has always been the word of reason for me, we have been reallly close for years, i never thought it would be like this. I cant sleep i cant eat i can hardly talk to people, but if its this bad now im afraid i will make it worse by going to the police. My nephew and niece have been through enough, we are very close and i dont want to lose them. I dont know what to do... i just want it to dissapear.
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TURN HIM IN. Don't listen to your whiney friend. This creep violated you and took something against your will. Who cares if the police search her home, who cares if their lives are ruined, apparently the ruination of your life was of no concern for the man who violated you.
You should have gone to the police straight away, and you should have been seen at the ER. Showering has now washed away important evidence. They may still be able to get some information by doing a Rape Kit, i am not sure. The kit will help to determine if there is any bruising or abrasions inside of your vagina, this would show force. Photo's still may be taken if you have lacerations or visible trauma to your body.
Listen, screw your friend for now.
You came here for some help and we are telling you the obvious.
Drunk or not, this man attacked you and no friendship in the world should distract you from making the right decision.
You say she has always been "the word of reason" for you. Her reasoning on this issue is only to cover her and her bf's butt and no other. She is trying to protect him and obviously your health and well being is taken the back seat.
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Abby,

Saving the clothes was a good idea. They may be able to get evidence off of them.

Stop worrying about your nieces and nephews. Do you want this man to be a part of their lives? He is not worth this. You say he is violent when drunk, then he should not be near your nieces and nephews. By going to the police you are protecting them.

I know you don't know what to do. Please, go see the police and they will help put you in touch with someone that will help you.

It will get better, hang in there please.

Keep us posted.
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Abby, I want you to think of it this way. She's saying it'll ruin the kids' lives? You're also saying that he gets violent every time he gets drunk? I have a feeling that whenever he gets drunk, the kids are traumatized. That often happens in violent and/or abusive homes. It doesn't matter if the police ransack the home. You may be doing those children a favor by reporting this rape.

I was sexually abused repeatedly by a boyfriend some years ago. I was eventually forced out of that relationship. I never would have ended it myself because of the control he had over me. I thank my lucky stars that that relationship was ended before it never did and before things got worse. I have a feeling that this man may also be controlling your friend and abusing her in a sexual manner, seen as how he takes out anger in a sexual way. I congratulate you at not getting angry with her and still being her friend. At the same time, she's not being fair to you. The likely situation is, she's being controlled and she's scared. If you go to the police and her relationship is forced to end, I honestly believe you would be doing her and her children a favor. Because of what this man has done to you both, you two likely need professional help. Call the police and don't feel guilty about what happens. This man is toxic to the two of you and toxic to society.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You don't deserve to be raped, just as I didn't deserve my own abuse. Please have the courage to call the police.
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abby think of it like this.
when i was 7 i was raped i turned him in
and when i was 10 it happened again by someone else. I didnt turn that person in and he tried it again. but i know that if i had turned him in when it happened the first time not only would i have been safe but so would have my cousins. If you dont turn him in now you are only going to hate your self later but you are also putting others in danger. It isnt fair for us to have to live in fear because the person who hurt us is still out there. I know I was afraid. I still am. I cant have anyone near my back and i cant even be alone with one of y guy friend with out having a chick nearby. Its not fair for us to be haunted by what happened because others are being selfish. If you stop him now you may be the only thing there to save the kids lives. I know i wish someone had turned in the person who raped me before he met me. Right now think of youself and of them. Is it really better to live haunted and to keep your nieces in the line of fire? or is it better to turn him in and possibly save your nieces from having the same experience as you?
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