Mean exboyfriend - Did he take my virginity!?

Hi Cyan. It's a complex issue. There's not really a medical definition of losing one's virginity, so it's not like there are symptoms associated with losing it. What I can tell you is that by the standard definition of losing your virginity, there needs to be actual vaginal penetration, which doesn't sound like what happened here. Does that help?

It's me again. I heard that your hymen can be broken before you have sex. How? and how can you tell?

Yes, nowadays the hymen is not a very good indicator as to whether you've lost your virginity or not. In fact, it's usually broken for most modern girls. Using a tampon can break it, or even just strenuous physical activity. It's a white membrane that is over the opening of the vagina. Can you see that on you at all? If not, it's been broken.

Me again. Sorry for all the questions but i just wanna be sure. But is it usually easy to see? i mean, is there any way of not being able to see it if it is actually there? it's not exactly summat i've ever checked before, i'm just really unsure of what i'm looking for.

The hymen? Yes. It's a white membrane that blocks the entrance to the vagina. Like I said, you probably don't have one, even with your virginity, because most modern girls are too active to maintain theirs into adolescence. Does that make sense? DO you have one?

As HnF Guy describes it, that's just what the picture I have of one looks like.

I've never actually seen one and I don't know why there is so much importance placed on it.
What happens when a girl loses her virginity?
Technically I suppose it's the loss of the hymen.
More importantly I think it's how you feel about it in your own mind.
I think they would be quite rare in today's world where girls should be getting gynecological checkups by the time they are thinking about a hymen anyway. With tampons and the fact that girls are much more into physical sports than in years past they probably disappear long before any boy would be heading in that direction.

What is "virginity" anyway? I always felt her previous experience was her business with any girl I dated. She was new to me. I didn't want to hear about other guys she had been out with. As long as she wasn't bringing me any medical presents, I didn't want to know. Why is a guy supposed to be experienced and the girl isn't? That seems terribly unfair to both of them.

I knew guys who said their wife had to be a virgin. They were usually the guys who were trying to get into the pants of every girl they met. What's wrong with that picture? Do they sound like the kind of guy you want to marry? If penetration is the deciding factor, I was a virgin when I met my wife but she wasn't. She had been raped by an uncle when she was 12 and she was afraid to tell me about it until we'd been married for 20 years. She was actually afraid I'd leave her.

I don't like that part about him being bigger than you so you had to let him do what he wanted. You should run the other way just as fast as you can. Don't ever let a guy take advantage of you like that.

njoynlife, once again you add a lot of food for thought on the thread. The most important thing to realize is that virginity really isn't an important thing. It's a concept more than it is an actual measurable thing--and I know a lot of younger people think that anal sex isn't losing your virginity, or even oral sex. Let me tell you, if you get an STD or HIV from that, you'll have a hard time explaining to your partner how you got it if you're a 'virgin'. What do you think about that?

Me again. I am pretty sure my hymen is gone. i couldn't see anything. i just wanted to thank you both for your help, advice and support. i know it's the whole point of this site but it still means a lot to me. i have opened up to my closest friend about what happened and they have helped me see things a lot clearer. losing my virginity was not something i was hoping to do so soon, i don't generally believe in only having sex with your partner once your married because like njoynlife said, the other person is new to you, as long as there are no madical things involved it shouldn't matter. i am steering well cleer of relationships for a loooooooooong while now. i want to focus on working toward my career, i have my friends so i am not worried. i know that when i find the right partner they wont care about wether anyone else has held me before, only that we would be together at the present. i am 13 and i can put this behind me and move on, i'm not saying it's been easy, but i just hope that this - though only little - i hope it will make a difference to at least one other person in the world. the incident happened when i was 12 so i empathise with njoyinlife's relationship, i have friends and family who have also lost their virginity to rape. I hope this can be of help to other girls aswell.

Cyan thanks so much for the update. I think that you're right--this thread can serve as a message to other girls and they can benefit from what happened. And I'm glad to hear that you're going to be single for awhile. That just means you'll be all th emore independent and sure of yourself when you eventually are in a relationship. Thanks for updating us and keep us posted if you havea nything else to say, okay?

What is a Vagiena? Im only 5 year old