Anna,
I am 5 months off at this point, and while I don't feel 100 percent I will say that I feel that I am SO much better than when this journey started. Although our journeys are different, there are many similarities. I have been where you are, the mood swings, deppression, anxiety. There were days when my biggest fear was that this was simply "how I am" and I would never feel better. The constant desire to just go back to how you were before, when none of this existed. It's awful. The best advise I can give you is to hold on to hope, and ride out this storm. It will take more strength than you ever believed you had, but you can do it. Take everything one day at a time. Tracking my monthly cycle/moods has helped immensely as it allows me to keep track of what times of the month I am at my best/worst. Realizing that there is a correlation between my cycle and how I feel has assured me that this is a hormonal issue. Please take care of yourself and don't be afraid to allow yourself time to breakdown/cry, remember your body is trying to adjust back to normal levels. I truly feel that BC dulled my emotions in a sense, and they came back in full force. I know this is long but YOU ARE NOT ALONE! continued healing,
K
I am 5 months off at this point, and while I don't feel 100 percent I will say that I feel that I am SO much better than when this journey started. Although our journeys are different, there are many similarities. I have been where you are, the mood swings, deppression, anxiety. There were days when my biggest fear was that this was simply "how I am" and I would never feel better. The constant desire to just go back to how you were before, when none of this existed. It's awful. The best advise I can give you is to hold on to hope, and ride out this storm. It will take more strength than you ever believed you had, but you can do it. Take everything one day at a time. Tracking my monthly cycle/moods has helped immensely as it allows me to keep track of what times of the month I am at my best/worst. Realizing that there is a correlation between my cycle and how I feel has assured me that this is a hormonal issue. Please take care of yourself and don't be afraid to allow yourself time to breakdown/cry, remember your body is trying to adjust back to normal levels. I truly feel that BC dulled my emotions in a sense, and they came back in full force. I know this is long but YOU ARE NOT ALONE! continued healing,
K
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I totally understand your situation and experience almost the exact same symptoms since coming off BC. There are stretches of time where you feel good and then anxiety and depression spring back up on you again and you feel like you’re stuck in this cycle, but you can take steps to help how badly they affect you.
My advice is don’t go back on birth control because you would just be delaying this from happening again in the future. Today for me was very hard, it took most of my energy to get up and take a shower. But after a few hours of taking the time I needed, I eventually got out of the house and took a walk/sat outside for a while listening to calming music. This made me feel a little more energized than I had before and I was able to meet with a friend and talk with her. It’s good to have someone to vent to about these things as well as ask them about how they are, it can help you focus on something else other than how tired and off you feel.
I know it sounds cliche but take things one step or one day at a time. When you feel anxious, depressed, and your hormones are completely off, “little” things feel like a challenge, like how showering and getting out of the house felt for me today. But don’t treat them as little, be proud of yourself for what you can accomplish each day. I know it’s easy to lay in bed all day, and definitely take those rest days when you need them. But if you feel like lethargic days keep piling on, try to start setting goals that you know you can handle. It’s okay if they take time, be patient with yourself and know that you will not be in this state forever. Feel better :)
My advice is don’t go back on birth control because you would just be delaying this from happening again in the future. Today for me was very hard, it took most of my energy to get up and take a shower. But after a few hours of taking the time I needed, I eventually got out of the house and took a walk/sat outside for a while listening to calming music. This made me feel a little more energized than I had before and I was able to meet with a friend and talk with her. It’s good to have someone to vent to about these things as well as ask them about how they are, it can help you focus on something else other than how tired and off you feel.
I know it sounds cliche but take things one step or one day at a time. When you feel anxious, depressed, and your hormones are completely off, “little” things feel like a challenge, like how showering and getting out of the house felt for me today. But don’t treat them as little, be proud of yourself for what you can accomplish each day. I know it’s easy to lay in bed all day, and definitely take those rest days when you need them. But if you feel like lethargic days keep piling on, try to start setting goals that you know you can handle. It’s okay if they take time, be patient with yourself and know that you will not be in this state forever. Feel better :)
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Hi K,
Thank you so much for your kind response when I most needed it - it really means a lot. I honestly can't imagine going through this for 5 months. I am hardly past the first month. That is actually my greatest fear right now, that this awful state I'm in is just how I will always be and I'll never return to the way I was before. I was so different before this - so active and easy going. I am so tired of worrying about how I'll feel the next day. I am trying to take things moment to moment, but its difficult because the anxiety is eating away at me. Last week I was so close to feeling like my old self on some days, and then this weekend and today I'm just back to the awful foggy, depressed, tired, heavy headed person I was in the very first week. I just can't understand why things have gotten worse all of a sudden. I'm going to try my best to make it through this, but its really tough and I'm tempted to just go back on my pill.
Thank you so much for your kind response when I most needed it - it really means a lot. I honestly can't imagine going through this for 5 months. I am hardly past the first month. That is actually my greatest fear right now, that this awful state I'm in is just how I will always be and I'll never return to the way I was before. I was so different before this - so active and easy going. I am so tired of worrying about how I'll feel the next day. I am trying to take things moment to moment, but its difficult because the anxiety is eating away at me. Last week I was so close to feeling like my old self on some days, and then this weekend and today I'm just back to the awful foggy, depressed, tired, heavy headed person I was in the very first week. I just can't understand why things have gotten worse all of a sudden. I'm going to try my best to make it through this, but its really tough and I'm tempted to just go back on my pill.
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Happy that I could help! I know how much this place and other forums helped me when I was going through low points. I would highly recommend tracking your cycle if you can, I use an app called Flo. I know that I would have really great days, and then feel as if I was starting from zero. I noticed that there was a direct correlation between my moods and where I was in my cycle. As far as going back on the pill, I know for me I could never do it again. As painful as this has been, I like who I am without it. I would rather have the highs/lows than feeling "flat" like I felt on the pill. But it's a very personal choice, and you have to do what is right for you. I will tell you that the more monthly cycles that pass, the better I seem to feel. I am light years away from when I started (although not 100 percent- but getting there :)
hang in there!
K
hang in there!
K
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Hi,
I'm sorry, I somehow totally missed your reply! Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. That is exactly how I feel right now...I was fine, more than fine, last week and then Sunday, yesterday, and today have been absolute c**p. I'm SO nauseous, have trouble sleeping, am exhausted all day, and have no concentration anymore. I'm sorry you also had a tough day - but good for you for pulling yourself out and at least getting some fresh air and meeting with a friend. I'm going to try and get out of the house today...no matter what it takes. I also have an acupuncture appointment today, which I heard have helped many women with hormonal issues as well as anxiety and depression. May I ask how long you were on the pill for and how long you have been off of it now? This Thursday will mark 1 month off of it for me. When did you start noticing a difference in your mood and symptoms? I understand your advice about not going back on the pill, a lot of people have told me that as well. I'm just so scared I'll always be stuck this way...its a scary thought, especially since I am only 1 month in and may have many more months to go until I am back to normal.
I'm sorry, I somehow totally missed your reply! Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words. That is exactly how I feel right now...I was fine, more than fine, last week and then Sunday, yesterday, and today have been absolute c**p. I'm SO nauseous, have trouble sleeping, am exhausted all day, and have no concentration anymore. I'm sorry you also had a tough day - but good for you for pulling yourself out and at least getting some fresh air and meeting with a friend. I'm going to try and get out of the house today...no matter what it takes. I also have an acupuncture appointment today, which I heard have helped many women with hormonal issues as well as anxiety and depression. May I ask how long you were on the pill for and how long you have been off of it now? This Thursday will mark 1 month off of it for me. When did you start noticing a difference in your mood and symptoms? I understand your advice about not going back on the pill, a lot of people have told me that as well. I'm just so scared I'll always be stuck this way...its a scary thought, especially since I am only 1 month in and may have many more months to go until I am back to normal.
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Hi K,
Thank you again! Today is day 3 of feeling awful. All of the symptoms are now more intense - the nausea, lack of concentration, anxiety, exhaustion, depression, pain in lower back, etc... I'm thinking that maybe my first period since being off birth control is right around the corner, not sure though. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning and will see what he says about my idea of going back on the pill. Of course, I don't really want to - I would love to be off of that thing for good, the only reason I thought about it was it might alleviate some of these symptoms and I might go back to the way I was before. I'm so happy that you are feeling so much better than when you first got off the pill - that in itself is amazing! It gives me comfort to know that if I do stay off of the pill, I may get my life back at some point.
Thank you again! Today is day 3 of feeling awful. All of the symptoms are now more intense - the nausea, lack of concentration, anxiety, exhaustion, depression, pain in lower back, etc... I'm thinking that maybe my first period since being off birth control is right around the corner, not sure though. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow morning and will see what he says about my idea of going back on the pill. Of course, I don't really want to - I would love to be off of that thing for good, the only reason I thought about it was it might alleviate some of these symptoms and I might go back to the way I was before. I'm so happy that you are feeling so much better than when you first got off the pill - that in itself is amazing! It gives me comfort to know that if I do stay off of the pill, I may get my life back at some point.
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Hi loves, I’m almost 11mo off. I feel way better. You can get through this, I consider myself back to normal. I remember a time when I didn’t see a way out. It was awful, I had it all. Anxiety, paranoia, depression, ocd. Physical symptoms acne and ovarian cyst. Occasionally I will still get intrusive thoughts probably the same as everyone and I’ve learned how to deal with them through behavioral therapy. Your body takes time to heal. My prayers are you with. I’m even able to look forward to the future without fear. This is huge, before I was paralyzed at the thought of the future. Fear that I was stuck in a endless cycle. Supplements help, Naturopath’s help, meditation helps and CBT really helps. I hope this post encourages someone today.
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Thank you so much! Posts like yours really give me hope. I'm so glad that you are feeling better! I am going through extreme Health Anxiety and Health OCD right now because of this experience. It is incredibly frightening because although I have experienced anxiety before, it was never on this level. I am seeing a therapist once a week and working on my thought patterns to help with the anxiety issues and have an appointment for acupuncture today...at this point I figure it can't get any worse so I might as well try. I wish you continued healing!! Thank you again for the encouragement :)
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Quick question for anyone reading/still checking back here: did/do your symptoms get worse the week leading up to your period? I've noticed that this week my symptoms have been way more intense (longer last and worse nausea, feeling way more anxious than last week, very very sleepy, etc...) While I have had all of those symptoms in previous weeks after coming off the pill, this week they are just...different? More intense and harder to deal with. I'm hoping it means I'll get my period next week...
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Hey Anna this is Martha. Im sorry it took me a while to respond..
I know exactly what u feel about this never going to end. It feels that way when you are on your worse stage of coming off the pill. Month 4 is when you will really notice an improvement. You need a lot of strength & courage to fight... when i was on the first few months i was miserable too. Losing hope it will get better but IT DID. I am just 60% better coming on my 6th month but im grateful to God i can function better now.
Yes i also have foggy moments. My eyesight became blurry and somehow felt i was in a dream state. Very scary...
Hang in there Anna. Yes it is hard but be assured it will get better.
I know exactly what u feel about this never going to end. It feels that way when you are on your worse stage of coming off the pill. Month 4 is when you will really notice an improvement. You need a lot of strength & courage to fight... when i was on the first few months i was miserable too. Losing hope it will get better but IT DID. I am just 60% better coming on my 6th month but im grateful to God i can function better now.
Yes i also have foggy moments. My eyesight became blurry and somehow felt i was in a dream state. Very scary...
Hang in there Anna. Yes it is hard but be assured it will get better.
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Hi Martha,
Thank you so much, your kind words really give me encouragement. Today I got what I think is my period (whatever it is, I'll take it lol), so it explains why my symptoms were so terrible all of this week leading up to it. I at least feel somewhat better knowing my hormones are getting more adjusted as time goes by. Going into month 2 now, will see what that brings. I'll try and remain positive and this forum has really really helped me especially all this week when I was feeling miserable and couldn't leave my bed. Yes, I agree...the scariest symptom is the vision changes (which I had this week) as well as the foggy/dream state that comes and goes. Its great that you are feeling so much better these days :) I hope you continue to heal and recover to get back to 100% yourself. I'm sorry if I asked you this before, but how long were you on the pill for before coming off?
Thanks again for your response!
Anna
Thank you so much, your kind words really give me encouragement. Today I got what I think is my period (whatever it is, I'll take it lol), so it explains why my symptoms were so terrible all of this week leading up to it. I at least feel somewhat better knowing my hormones are getting more adjusted as time goes by. Going into month 2 now, will see what that brings. I'll try and remain positive and this forum has really really helped me especially all this week when I was feeling miserable and couldn't leave my bed. Yes, I agree...the scariest symptom is the vision changes (which I had this week) as well as the foggy/dream state that comes and goes. Its great that you are feeling so much better these days :) I hope you continue to heal and recover to get back to 100% yourself. I'm sorry if I asked you this before, but how long were you on the pill for before coming off?
Thanks again for your response!
Anna
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Hello! Thanks for your post... I am 9 months off and still get few ROCD thoughts which scare me. I definitely am more anxious during ovulation and pre or during period. I still get scared about my relationship thoughts and the future... I hope I can say that I will be 100% back to normal soon... in the beginning I didnt know that it was the pill.. I discovered this forum about 5 months in... So for all these months I kinda believed the thoughts that I didnt love my boyfriend and made me very very sad and anxious and scared. I feel like now that I know that I am not alone living this, the thoughts appear more normal and I can more easily brush them off. Even tho they will sometime consume me and feel awful still 9 months in... Anyways, I am sure we will make it through this phase!! Just need some patience and a lot of mental strenght. WHenever I get a scary thought, I try not to dwell on it and not to overthink what this though means and why I think it and etc. I just try to accept the fact i had it and let it pass. For a perfectionnist like me, it is VERY hard. I like knowing that I am IN LOVE with the MAN OF MY DREAMS. Not being sure of that sometimes really hurts me. I try to work on that and hope that it will get easier even tho it has been a while... Keep strong xoxo
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Hi Anna
Symptoms do get worse before your period. For me though its a little different because i had my first real period last december after coming off the pill and til now i didnt have the next one. I'm 4 months delayed of my period.. though i know it happens it's just so frustrating..
I took pills for 5 years before coming off the pills. I really regret taking them because i only took them to regularize my period.. the past months have been miserable for me and somewhat gave my life a veil. I can function better but i still get bad attacks here and there. The physical anxiety is what scares me the most..
Praying for all of us here. After this experience all of us will come out stronger.
Martha
Symptoms do get worse before your period. For me though its a little different because i had my first real period last december after coming off the pill and til now i didnt have the next one. I'm 4 months delayed of my period.. though i know it happens it's just so frustrating..
I took pills for 5 years before coming off the pills. I really regret taking them because i only took them to regularize my period.. the past months have been miserable for me and somewhat gave my life a veil. I can function better but i still get bad attacks here and there. The physical anxiety is what scares me the most..
Praying for all of us here. After this experience all of us will come out stronger.
Martha
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Hi Martha,
Thank you again for your reply! Wow, yes I can definitely see how that is frustrating... just goes to show how badly those pills have messed everything up. I'm sure that with time everything will get back into its natural rhythm, but its so tough when you are in the situation and just waiting and hoping that you'll wake up and feel normal again. I really know what you mean, I also regret ever taking the pills. Sometimes I get angry at myself, but in the end I know that is a waste of time. I'm so sorry you still experience anxiety attacks...I get them a lot as well, usually when I wake up in the morning or sometimes in the middle of the night. My doctor even had to increase the anti-anxiety medication I am on to a higher dosage just because of this situation. While I don't really like using them as a crutch, I know myself and I know that at times I am not able to handle the anxiety and depression that my hormones are causing. It just awful not being able to do all of the things I used to do. For example, yesterday I thought I'd go for a walk so I tried and could only walk for like 5 minutes outside without getting dizzy and feeling anxious. I also feel like there is a veil over my life, most of the time I feel foggy and like I'm not fully here. I have also become very on edge and just feel uncomfortable almost all of the time. The worst part is not knowing when or if this will all go away. Wondering if I will always be like this now. Anyway, I hope you continue to feel better and have a good week.
Take care,
Anna
Thank you again for your reply! Wow, yes I can definitely see how that is frustrating... just goes to show how badly those pills have messed everything up. I'm sure that with time everything will get back into its natural rhythm, but its so tough when you are in the situation and just waiting and hoping that you'll wake up and feel normal again. I really know what you mean, I also regret ever taking the pills. Sometimes I get angry at myself, but in the end I know that is a waste of time. I'm so sorry you still experience anxiety attacks...I get them a lot as well, usually when I wake up in the morning or sometimes in the middle of the night. My doctor even had to increase the anti-anxiety medication I am on to a higher dosage just because of this situation. While I don't really like using them as a crutch, I know myself and I know that at times I am not able to handle the anxiety and depression that my hormones are causing. It just awful not being able to do all of the things I used to do. For example, yesterday I thought I'd go for a walk so I tried and could only walk for like 5 minutes outside without getting dizzy and feeling anxious. I also feel like there is a veil over my life, most of the time I feel foggy and like I'm not fully here. I have also become very on edge and just feel uncomfortable almost all of the time. The worst part is not knowing when or if this will all go away. Wondering if I will always be like this now. Anyway, I hope you continue to feel better and have a good week.
Take care,
Anna
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Wow one year off! I honestly never thought I would make it to this point because of how low I was this past year. I just want to say that I’m feeling a lot better! ROCD was unfortunately something that took over my life and my mind. I constantly just had this feeling of not loving my boyfriend anymore and it truly killed me. I went through so much this year and I really hope that this gives you guys some hope. Although I do still have some ROCD thoughts, I am able to say that I love my boyfriend and although I still think of “what if” I definitely think about it less. During this year I questioned everything about him and basically just got so distant because I didn’t feel in love. Something that has helped me was this thread but don’t let this consume too much time either. It could be unhealthy to be on here all the time just because it’s a reminder that somethings wrong. Another thing that has helped is staying active. It took my mind off of it often. I think time heals everything and I hope that as time goes on I just keep improving. One thing I’m still struggling with is having this weird connotation linked to my house. My boyfriend and I don’t live together so we usually spend time at one of our houses but I never want to be at mine anymore just because I think these thoughts happened at my house and I almost feel like if I’m with him at my house I won’t feel the love???? Idk it’s super weird and I think that also just ties into having anxiety and ROCD but I’m getting better and that’s all that matters. Good luck girls. I promise I know how hard it is.
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