I'm currently in my first relationship (both 17) and things have been getting intimate recently. As it's all new to me, it's taken me time to get used to what comes from within a relationship i.e kissing, touching and such. This morning my girlfriend seemed to be extremely turned on, but for some reason I just couldnt get an erection.
I have no issues with getting an erection if we kiss intimately a few times or if I pull her close to me, and the same goes for when I'm laying in bed with her and cuddling. I was up to having sex last night (even though I was extremely tired) but it never happened because I felt too nervous and ended up falling asleep. This morning I could tell she wanted it because of how she was acting - but it felt weird because my family were in the house and constantly coming past my room to get to other rooms in the house...so I was worried we would get caught or heard.
When we were being intimate, I felt a 'pulsing' sensation down below and I would get a little excited (briefly) and then it would soon die off. We ended up kissing for a while and because it went on so long I found that I wasn't aroused anymore. I still went with the flow and she ended up mounting on me and moving against my crotch while making out (while she cursed and such) but.....nothing. She grabbed my hand and put it on her breast but I was kinda freaked out because this is all new to me, and I barely touched her after that. I wasn't even a tiny bit aroused and I'm panicking as to why! I love her, I want to have sex with her but I just can't get hard when it actually comes to it.
I should also mention I'm not a very confident person when it comes to weight, performance skills and appearance - but at the time I was looking past that. It got to the point where in my head I was debating whether or not to tell her to stop and get off of me because I was worrying why I wasn't becoming erect and I lost all interest in contiuing because I was no longer physically nor emotionally aroused. I found that when I left the room and got in the shower, I had a pre-c*m substance in my boxers and on my bits...and I didn't even realise it'd happened. After this she said I seemed really down but I just couldn't stop thinking about why I couldn't get hard, and why I didn't enjoy it when she 'made' me feel her up. It just felt as though she forced herself onto me. I should also say we've never given oral either.
Could it be because it's my first time? Maybe I'm not ready yet? Maybe it's because I'm not 100% sure how sex works? Maybe I'm not experienced?
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Hi GuestJD,
Anxiety will kill an erection - FAST.
It could be about being caught, it could be about pregnancy, it could be because you aren't confident in yourself.
You don't have to rush having sex if you aren't ready.
But, you could try focusing on her if you lose your erection. Don't focus on your body focus on hers instead. You should get hard soon enough.
Always use protection too. It can help reduce anxiety.
You're normal JD. Give it time. It happens to a lot of guys the first several times.
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The "pressure" won't help you perform either. Neither will knowing she's not a virgin, you aren't, and that you don't "think" you know what you're doing and will look "clumsy" to her.
There is no right/wrong way to have sex.
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I suppose you're right. It doesn't help either that she's the one who's always in control. I am fine with erections when we are being subtle with affection - for example I made out with her when we were stood up and grabbed her butt and pulled her close, and I got hard pretty fast. But when it comes to her sitting on top of me while moving on my groin while cursing from pleasure, it just did nothing for me. I'd been trying to be the one to mount her and do things to her (in my own time)...but it seems she can get impatient and ends up doing it without me having a say in it. Maybe that could contribute?
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Erections are not controlled by the concious brain. They can occur apparently spontaneously but cannot simply be 'thought up'. It is more easy for them to be frightened away.
In your case it's a simple case of anxieties. You were worried about someone walking in on you. You were worried about your inexperience and whether you could perform to your girlfriend's expectations. You may also have been worried about getting her pregnant. Once those combined your erection started to fail causing an even bigger worry.
The answer is to get rid of those worries. Do not try having sex when your family are about. Get a hotel room or find a nice quiet spot in the woods where you will be undisturbed. Check whether she's on the pill, if not take condoms.
When you get there kiss, cuddle, fondle and slowly undress one another in a sensual manner. Take your time, do not rush things.
Move onto kissing her intimately, breasts and p***y, fingering her and licking her clit until she gets nice and wet ready for insertion of your penis. Ask her how she likes what you are doing. Then let her play with you, sucking your penis and balls.
By now you should both be ready to begin penetration. Let her roll the condom onto your penis, which should now be standing to full attention.
If things fail again at some stage do not panic, a girlfriend who loves you will be patient and happy to help you rid yourself of the worries.
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You say your penis got hard very quickly whilst kissing and then you felt a pulsing sensation in your genitals. That is a sign of ejaculation. When you went to shower your pants and penis were wet. That would be the semen from your ejaculation not, as you think, pre-cum. Boys your age tend to produce very little pre-cum.
You may think I am wrong because you did not experience a normal orgasm. However, men do not HAVE to have an orgasm to ejaculate. If you have an orgasm you will ejaculate as a result but you can do so without orgasm. This often occurs when boys have wet dreams, the semen simply gushes out. Also you can get ejaculation without orgasm by stimulatng your prostate gland.
The truth is that you 'creamed yor pants' by getting too excited at the prospect of your first copulation.
You do not mention whether you have had your girl masturbate you during your sex sessions. If you have not then spend time doing so. If you can also have her perform fellatio (penis sucking) on you that will also help to calm your over-enthusastic tendency to cum too quickly.
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