"Sheila, what are you feeling inside right now?" "I'm fine…no, I'm not fine. I'm so used to saying that I'm fine that it just pops out. I don't know what I'm feeling. There is nothing there. I just feel empty inside."
Sheila, like many of my clients, had spent so much time in her ego/wounded self mind - focusing on the past and the future - that she had no idea what was going on in her body, in her emotions - in her Inner Child. She had avoided being present in her body for most of her life. Now, the feedback she was getting from her husband was that he couldn't feel her, couldn't connect with her.
"My husband told me that I don't feel authentic to him and that he feels lonely around me. He told me that it seems like I am always putting on an act to appear 'nice' and 'fine,' and that he doesn't enjoy being around me."
"Sheila, when your focus is in your head instead of being present in this moment in your body, then you are not being your authentic self. You are being the wounded self that you created as a child to get love and avoid pain and feel safe. The wounded self is not your true, authentic self. People cannot connect with you if you are not connected with your true Self. So, right now, take a deep breath into your body. Put your focus inside your body. Be present with the empty feeling in there. Don’t try to avoid it or make it go away. Just sit with it."
Sheila breathed and moved into her body. "Now, open to feeling compassion for this alone, empty part of you. Imagine you are sitting with an actual child who is feeling alone and empty. Can you feel compassion for this part of you, as you would for an actual child?"
"Good. Now, find that place in you that really wants to learn about what you are doing that is causing the aloneness and emptiness. Ask the alone, empty child in you, 'What am I telling you or how am I treating you that is causing you to feel so alone and empty?'
Sheila asked the question.
"Now go inside to the alone empty part and allow that part to answer from inside."
(Inner Child answering) "You never pay any attention to me. I'm invisible to you. I feel like I don't even exist because you either ignore me or criticize me all the time. You don't care about me at all. I'm alone all the time."
"Sheila, there must be a good reason that you are resistant to being present with your feelings and allowing them to inform you. What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid I will fall apart. I'm afraid I will feel overwhelmed and not know what to do."
"Sheila, right now, open to the spiritual connection that you have been practicing for years and bring that love down to your Child. You have been bringing it into your heart and out to others, but now bring it down inside to yourself. Your feeling self needs that same love you try to give to others."
"Oh, that's right! I have never brought it inside to my Inner Child!
Sheila had been addicted to acting fine and nice as a way of protecting against her real feelings. As she practiced bringing the love from her Guidance down to her feeling self and opened to learning with her feelings and her Guidance about her highest good, she started to feel full and authentic for the first time in her life.