Maddy had been practicing Inner Bonding for about 18 months. She had attended a number of Intensives and was now sitting with me in an Advanced Intensive. She had been doing really well staying connected with herself and with her Guidance and had felt times of peace and joy that she had never felt before.
Suddenly all her progress seems to be gone and she was back in her addiction - to controlling a man.
She and Erik had recently connected in a way that she had not connected with someone before, but after only a couple of months it seemed to her that he was pulling away. She found herself obsessing about him and unable to sleep when she didn't hear from him.
"Maddy, what made you fall for Erik?"
"He thought I was wonderful. I felt seen and cherished like never before."
"What are you not seeing or cherishing about yourself? What are you telling yourself that makes you feel that you are not wonderful?"
The answer was not immediately apparent. Maddy had done a lot of work on herself and was valuing herself like never before, which is why she was so perplexed by her obsessive thinking about Erik.
After searching around and finally going to her Guidance, she got in touch with what she had been saying to herself: "You will never get what you want because you don't deserve it. You will never be good enough"
No wonder Erik's seeing and cherishing her felt like manna from Heaven! On a deep, unconscious level, Maddy was almost constantly shaming herself and blaming herself whenever anything went wrong. Her inner child felt anything but seen and cherished by her.
"I don't get this", she said. "I know I'm a good person, so I don’t get why I still feel this way."
"Do you ever feel deep gratitude for your soul - for the good, kind, caring, compassionate, creative, loving soul that you are?"
She looked surprised. "I've never thought of feeling grateful for my soul. Now that you say it, I've often felt extremely grateful for my kids, but never for the child in me - my own soul."
"Can you find the place in you that feels grateful for your children and bring that same feeling to your inner child?"
"Yes, I can do that!"
"How do you feel when you do that?"
"I feel wonderful, just as good if not better than when Erik thinks I'm wonderful!"
That evening Maddy and Erik had a close and connected conversation, the best in a long time. It was obvious to Maddy that, because she had been abandoning herself and making Erik responsible for her sense of worth, he had been feeling pulled at and engulfed and had pulled away. As a result of her seeing and cherishing her own soul, feeling deep gratitude for the beauty that she is, she was no longer pulling on him to give her what she was not giving to herself.
Try it right now. Open to learning with your spiritual Guidance about who you really are in your soul, and move into your heart with deep gratitude for the beauty that you are. Feel the profound privilege it is to be able to see and value and take loving care of the beautiful soul within you - your true core Self, your individual expression of the Divine. Notice the fullness you feel within when you own and cherish who you truly are.