I have a toddler who's into everything and in his "no" phase, and a month old daughter. I've stayed at home since the first was born, and it was fine, but since the new baby came along... and the toddler in a new phase of development... it's been a constant drain on me from dawn to dusk. It seems like one of them is awake and demanding something or other from me the whole time. My husband is no help, even when he's home it seems he doesn't take time to spend time with the kids and I feel I can't even shower. On top of that, he even asks why the dishes haven't been done, etc. I feel he doesn't get how I'm feeling at all and that makes everything so much worse.
So, I keep having these thoughts. Is this really all there is to life? Why did I ever have a second baby, everyone says that it was gonna be harder. Where did my life go? Why is everything so.... boring and so non-stop at the same time?
I'm pretty sure I have postpartum depression. I've been reading blog after blog about it and list after list of postpartum depression signs and yes, this is me I think. My husband even waved it away when I brought it up with him. I feel so alone.
How can I cope with this? Can I take some antidepressants and I'll feel better?
I'm so sorry you're going through this hun... not having the support you need don't help much either, does it? My suggestion is talk to your GP as soon as you can and tell him or her just exactly what you've just said here, plus anything else that you need to say. It sounds like you're feeling like nobody's there to listen to you and that's making the whole thing that much harder, but your GP is trained for this and can get the ball rolling on a referral for therapy and antidepressants before you can snap your fingers... so definitely start there. Say you have some signs of postpartum depression and can your GP see if you meet the diagnostic criteria, then take it from there. In the meantime, we're here to listen...
Yes, antidepressants are often an integral part of postpartum depression treatment. Therapy is also recommended/required, and sometimes, therapy alone can be enough to help you overcome postpartum depression.
Before you get there, you'll need to reach out to a doctor and tell them how you are feeling, however. You need to be diagnosed properly before you can be prescribed antidepressants. Your post does make it seems like you do have postpartum depression, so I assume diagnosis won't take long. Please seek help now, and should you be experiencing acute suidical feelings or feelings about hurting either of your children, call a helpline or even 911.
Kudos to you for recognizing the signs of postpartum depression in yourself and immediately ask for antidepressants. Really. Knowing what you have and looking for science-based treatment options is a very good sign.
If you look around the internet more, you will come across advocates of treating postpartum depression naturally, with things like herbs, better sleep, and exercise. Self-care can play an important role in your recovery, but it is so much better to also have access to counseling and medication.
You've already taken the most important step. The next step is seeing a doctor, and any medical professional you are already seeing, whether it's a family doctor or a gynecologist, will be able to help you take the next.
It does sound like you have postpartum depression to me, as well. Feeling that way is just miserable, and nobody should have to feel like that. I mean, I guess we all have our moments, but depression sets in where you spend more time thinking that way than not.
Do you have a medical professional in your life that you feel you can trust? I would start there. If you don't, perhaps look up therapists in your area that specialize in postpartum depression. Maybe look up Postpartum Support International and ask for a provider near you.
Right now, it might seem like you'll never feel better, but moms who have been there before you say that they feel better quite soon after starting treatment. Just keep thinking about that.
I know what you're going through.
I am 10 weeks postpartum right now, and at first, I thought the way I was feeling was nothing but hormones racing, and just a lack of sleep, really. To make it all worse, my husband is already talking about having another baby and here I am thinking, why did we ever have kids to start with? It's not that I don't love my baby. It's just that I thought I was ready to be a mother. I spent my whole pregnancy reading about doing everything right, and now... I feel like I am going through the motions, but I feel empty inside.
I hope you get some professional help soon, but in case you end up on a waiting list or are hesitant to seek help for a while, some tips:
- Spend as much time with your baby as you can during moments when you are feeling less depressed, and when you are at your worst, try to have someone else look after your baby.
- If breastfeeding makes you feel icky/more depressed/aggressive (it can happen), absolutely don't feel guilty about using formula.
- Accept any help anyone offers you, whether for babysitting, meals, cleaning, or whatever else.
- Make sure not to bottle up your feelings, but talk about them with people you trust.
Oh and also, seriously, try to get out for some sunshine/vitamin D and exercise every day. It won't cure your postpartum depression, but it will help some. A healthy and balanced diet also helps. For some depressed people, a routine can really help. At the same time, really don't feel guilty if you feel unable to keep your house spick and span.
Self- care won't cure your postpartum depression all on its own, but it IS an important part of recovery, so please don't neglect that and take care of yourself as well as you possibly can.
Best wishes to you!