So I’m 23 years old and I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter.

The relationship between me and my daughters father was vile he was abusive violent and manipulating anyway I left him when my daughter was 3 months old and I had to go into a refuge cut long story short I had postnatal depression which I did not get help with and was failed by the system I lost custody but still have 49% and PR and social worker was very much on my ex’s side she took my daughter into her dads care and said because I was majorly depressed that I was unsafe anyway this nearly killed me! And ever since then I’ve felt like half a person! I’m still cut up about it and it’s been 2 years since she was taken from me I still see her weekends but this is very difficult as sometimes her dad makes it very difficult for me to have her or stops it for whatever reason. I’m now engaged to a really decent guy who I’ve been with for a year and he is 24 I live on my own and he lives with his parents and I’m really aching to be complete again with another child the feeling of not being able to be the Mum I was before kills me like I cry everyday and feel sick to my stomachs because I’d give anything to be a “proper mum” as I don’t even feel like a mum and my partner keeps saying he doesn’t want a child yet he’s not sure if he ever does and he’s not ready and he doesn’t even want to work but I know that I’d Be okay being the only support I really don’t know what to do as it really wasn't my fault that my daughter was taken and I feel like I’m never gonna get the chance again I have actually had bad thoughts because I just can’t see the point in me I’m barely aloud my daughter even though I wouldn’t ever harm her in any way I just don’t know what to do! I need help I tried getting into councilling but there’s no spaces yet and I just can’t cope anymore I’m aching to be a full time mother again please someone give me some advice if you can I just feel really alone in this