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I feel so depressed at the moment because my ex-boyfriend who proposed to me last year has got a new girlfriend and got her pregnant in about 6 months since we split. I ended things, it wasn't a very healthy relationship and I often feel he proposed to paper over the cracks. But I've been wanting a baby for years now (I've always said I want to finish my education first and I'm graduating now) so finding out that he's having one with someone else has hit me like a ton of bricks. I heard through the grapevine it wasn't planned but it doesn't help. I got in touch with him recently because I've been so down about it and despite me just saying I wanted to clear the air (I didn't mention the gf or baby) he was horrible to me. He was trying to make out he got over it months ago and has moved on but I don't think he wouldn't get as angry as he did if he was over it. I'm not sure why I got in touch with him- I think I was hoping for some closure and to see whether the feelings I was having were for him or because he's having a baby with another girl. But it's left more questions than answers and now I feel worse, I wish I'd never talked to him now. How can I move past this? All I can think about is him being someone's "Daddy" in a few months and I could have had that if I'd stayed with him. I'm sure I wouldn't be anywhere near this upset if not for the baby (if he just had a new gf i don't think I would mind) Am I sugarcoating the past by thinking our bad relationship wasn't so bad? Help!

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I went through a similar scenario a few years ago, and im still affected by it. (probably because the woman in question still contacts me from time to time..) but in my scenario, she ended it with me (as she did a hundred times before.. i considered it more of a "break" than a "breakup" which was my fault) then the "break" ended up lasting over a year, and when i next heard from her she was pregnant with someone elses kid. This hit me hard because A: i still had (have) feelings for her and B: this was her first child. I felt like the beauty of sharing a first pregnancy with her was stolen from me. Whats worse, is she was then trying to get back with me, because dude she had the baby with was abusive toward her and she eventually left him. Needless to say, the whole situation still haunts me. Why? because I never wanted it to end. I F'd up my life, and hers.. if you really think about it.

The positive in your situation is that you left him. You probably did so for a very good reason and you should try to reflect on that. Why did you leave him before? If that reason is good enough then you shouldnt even look back. Count your blessings and try to move on to someone better. And by "good enough", im thinking hopefully you didnt break up with him for not dropping the toilet seat, or drinking the last pepsi or something lol Chances are, you had a good reason to end it. Use that as your strength to move on.

Just my $.02
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"this was her first child. I felt like the beauty of sharing a first pregnancy with her was stolen from me"- This is exactly how I feel! It's like all these 'what ifs?' are tarnished by the fact that if we ever did get back together he would still have this special bond to the woman that gave him his first child, and that person will never be me.

It was a very complicated time, he went travelling soon after we got together which was an extra strain while I was so stressed studying. He didn't help by saying mean things to me (I was warned he had a temper before getting together with him but because I'd never experienced it I assumed people were exaggerating) and threatening to not come back, but it seems trivial now there's a child on the scene.  I know I'm only trivialising his bad points because there's a child on the scene though. I lie awake at night picturing him with his 'happy family' and feel incredibly jealous.

It helps sooo much to know I'm not the only one going through something like this though so thank you Dysfunkshional for responding and providing your insight :) Hopefully we'll both find happiness elsewhere soon
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I wouldnt be too jealous. I have a very nasty temper myself, but would never have been violent to either my fiancee, or my son. Never said mean things (or at least, nothing i can think of lol) to my fiancee either. Sounds to me like if you stuck with the guy, you may have been "unfortunate" to have a kid with him, and would have been stuck with a potentially abusive and otherwise demotivating person in your life for the next 18 years. I dont know the guy, or you for that matter, so its hard to speculate on the situation but just going by what you have said, it really does seem you made the right decision to leave him but you are just having some second thoughts in hind sight, forgetting the negative emotions associated with being together with him. When I think of my relationship with my ex, i think of all the good times and i start getting sad.. but then i force myself to think of all those times she was the raging shrew of a btch to me (which was rare, and deserved, but still.. lol) and it at least helps me to remember that she wasnt as perfect as my sadness over her loss portrays her to be. She had plenty of faults and I know ill find someone else someday that will be a better fit for me.

The way I look at her now, if she was the right one for me... she never would have left in the first place.. when a person starts thinking about leaving, it usually means they have left already.. they just havent made it official yet. So like I said, try to focus on why you left him. Its much easier to see the good times when laying in bed alone remembering how much warmer it was when they were next to you, but those are the moments that are most crucial that you remember why he isnt there.

Lots of fish out there. I wish you luck in your search, and hopefully your next catch will be that keeper you are looking for :)
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He was not right for you and may not be right for his new girlfriend. I understand your feelings and I suggest getting over it. It's hard but when you meet Mr.Right and settle down you will look back in this guy and laugh. Look what he's done, had a surprise baby with another woman and you say the relationship was bad. I would feel sorry for you ex's new gf and future baby because seeing how this guy acts he's not very nice and you thankfully escaped that. Your intuition obviously knew something was wrong and you ended things. Keep your head high, go out, enjoy yourself, have a few yet responsible naughty nights and get focused on your career. He's ruined his chance with a wonderful, focused woman like you do don't let him drag you down.

X
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Aww thank you Dazzygirl that last comment really made my day! :) It's really helpful to see things from your perspective and other people have also said I should feel sorry for her. You guys give great advice! I'm trying to see things from the angles you've both suggested, trying to remember the bad points and why I left him etc, instead of dwelling on what might have been
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A bit slow on the uptake here but it might be worth considering that sometimes it's not so much the 'what might have been' that has you yearning but more the lost hopes and dreams.  It is a great responsibility to be the caretaker of someone's hopes for the future but the other party may not have been aware of it or on the same wave length or maybe they just weren't the right person.

Sometimes it's not so much the person we miss but the dreams they took with them.

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I'm going thought what you have been through.. I just found out my ex fiancé had a baby on the 1st Dec and now he has moved to the other side of the world to start his new life to be with them both.. Ah god, I feel so sad and depressed and can't stop thinking about what we had and what I should have had with him. I has the best time of my life with him, we traveled the world at a young age.. We were together for 6 years and closer to our wedding date he got cold feet and cheated on me... I kicked him out of my life and moved on.. I've had a few bad relationships and kept running into my ex but could talk much as I was with my bf at the time but when ever we saw each other we both felt something... Time went by and I just checked his Facebook and found out he just had a baby and off to the UK to start his life.. Gosh what a terable feeling.. I know things happen for a reasion but its just so hard to stop thinking and feeling about him.. I know time will help me but ahh I wish I could just kill the pain and erase my memory.. I just want to vent and try to talk to someone who has and who is going through something like this.. Thanks,
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Wow i was just strolling on this site. And this response was just what I needed to see. Just found out my ex has a baby on the way and we only been spilt up for a year. But he lied to me about having a girlfriend even though I ran into her one day. Its hard because I have a child by him already. And we were together for 3 years before I had my son. So im shocked to see how fast he has moved on. Im not sure if it was a rebound gone wrong so now he has to make her is girlfriend or is he really over me. Even though we share so much history together. I just dont know how im going to get over this. As of now im not letting him see his son because of the fact he has lied to me by not letting me know who is around my child. At least introducing her to me in the right way. I really want to move on, but this has stopped me in so many ways.

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Don't stop him seeing the son, it's his child too. Wish him all the best , there's a reason you're not together and he may have found his Soulmate. Let go of negativity.
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I just split up my ex I have a 7 month old baby and he texted to say my daughter going have a baby sister. I sure he was cheating on me when I think back now. Dickhead hate him. Calling me 24/7 don't want talk to him ever again. But know I have to because my daughter. I'm a mess can't sleep the lot. She due in June. And his daughter be 1 then Basterds
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I’m in the SAME boat! He left me for her when I was 7 months pregnant. He got her pregnant after only knowing her 6 months. She’s due in July with a boy. We have a girl who is not even a year old. He was such an as****e to me yet he seems to have changed for this one. He’s a nightmare. But now I’m tied to him. I have to talk to him every day because of our daughter. The only shot in hell I have at peace is thinking about Karma. I pray to God it’s a real thing.
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I am also going through kind of the same thing, but Worse. I dated a guy for 8 months and fell deeply in love with him, he used to tell me how much I mean to him and how he cant live without me... when we were together he stilled lived with his ex cause he couldnt afford moving out... we broke up cause his ugly fat ex girlfriend was too much in his life, and I couldnt take it no more. After we break-up I find out she is pregnant, and she got pregnant while we were together... finding this out I deleted him from my life but I was devastated... i finally felt a little better after 3 months of grieve, and than I bumped into him... I was so shocked to see him I just stood there, i guess he was shoked too cause we just stood there not knowing what to say expect how are you... (I never told him I knew his ex is pregnant) I left without looking back still shocked to see him, with all the feelings coming back, Feelings of betrayal and how he lied to me about his situation while I trusted him and opened my heart to him... how do I move on from this situation, knowing his having a child and probably very happy... he used to tell me he wanted us to have a child and he used to talk about how they would look and all that... I feel terrible:(
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