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Hello would life to first start off by saying I am 7 months off birth control and still dealing with the negative side effects. I was only on birth control for 2 but but while on the pill I started to feel like I fell out of love with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 years and before all of this happened I never questioned anything about him. I got off the pill because of the negative emotional side effects it was giving me and the loss of feelings. I thought they would come back but I was wrong! About a month after coming off the pill I fell into a week long depression. Didn’t eat, just wanted to sleep and had a crazy urge to break up with my boyfriend. This was causing so much anxiety in my life. As months went on I started to feel better and have more and more good days. The crazy thing is, I’ve doubted my relationship everyday since the pill kicked into my body. I still love my boyfriend and I know that because I would have left him already but they negative thoughts have taken over my life. I question if I want to be with him, if he attractive, if he’s boring etc. all these thoughts going running through my head everyday. I now feel like he’s too short so That’s a reason I’d break up with him and why I’m not attracted to him. SO irrational. I hate it and I don’t know what to do anymore, help! Would like to know if anyone has felt like this after coming off the pill or even after going on the pill while being in a long term relationship, the ROCD sucks. 

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WOW. What you said literally sounded like me to a T. I am so sorry girl. I know exactly what it is like. I never questioned anything too. I went through the depression, the thoughts, absolutely everything but at the same time thinking "I don't want to think this, I just want to love him so much and I never want to hurt him". I have been doing significantly better, but I still have not completely shaken the thoughts, and some times I am more anxious than others. The key is to stay as busy as possible. Hoping for better days for the both of us, but now matter what know that you have a great guy, and there is a reason why you get upset by these thoughts.
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omg thanks for the reply! It’s been a long long road and I hope it comes to an end soon! I have times where I feel much much better and other times where I just think being unhappy is pointless almost to where I feel like it’s necessary to break up. Sometimes I’m over emotional and other times I’m numb as if I don’t even care! It’s so weird and it’s been such a long journey. How long have you been off the pill?
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You're welcome! I'm always glad to help someone because before this I never really suffered any mental illness, and know how hard it is to battle alone, especially when people don't understand. 9 months now I have been off, started rocd around 8 months ago.
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What are some of your symptoms? I’ve had these thoughts while on birth control but they completely went crazy one month after stopping
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I didn't have any symptoms on birth control. When I came off is when the problem started ( and I thought it was completely in my head). Initially I would cry like 5x if not more a day. If I was alone or bored or even at my cube alone at work you would find me crying. I don't cry anymore daily thankfully. Basically just dumb irrational thoughts like I could find someone better, bf too short, not attractive enough, not social enough, we don't have great chemistry, there someone better is out there, I am missing out on single hood, im too young to be in a committed relationship, he's not smart enough, the list goes on. I was at a point when I couldn't even go out in a social setting with friends in a public place because I'd see attractive guys, think I'd rather be with them and start hysterically crying. I started to realize that all of these thoughts, all at once are NOT normal. And once I believed that thought they slowly started to subside and have less reign over me. I still get them today but honestly I have learned to live with them because I have such a good guy. I am not depressed anymore either which is nice, and have started to put my efforts to trying to get into grad school which has helped. But at my worst-- what a nightmare.

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I’ve had all of those thoughts as well, every one you listed. I’ve most definitely learned to live with them and unfortunately I feel like they are now a part of who I am. I have these thoughts every single day but they don’t bother me as much as they used to. I know I just can’t let go of the few physical features about my boyfriend like his height. It bothers me so much but it never has before so that makes me feel as if I’m not attracted to him anymore. I know I love him I just don’t feel that strong strong connection of being in love anymore and honestly I don’t even remember how it felt so I doubt if I ever felt it. It’s really terrible but I’m taking it day by day.
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I’m going to be very true with myself while writing this and try to explain everything that I have been through. When starting the pill in March it was around 3 years of dating my boyfriend. Things were great and I THINK it happened suddenly but since it’s been so long I really can’t even remember but I believe I just randomly had a thought in my head while on the pill. Within the first two weeks of taking it actually. It made me so emotional that I decided I had to get off of it. I remember telling me boyfriend that I want to feel like I love him again and that’s why I’m getting off. A month after coming off the pill and it was June 1st. I had the worst anxiety and depression ever. I couldn’t get out of bed, I just wanted to sleep because that’s when the thoughts stopped, I didn’t eat and I tried to break up with my boyfriend a numerous of times. When I realized what I was doing I then decided to relax for a second and the break up never happened. Each month I was noticing something different. At first I just felt like I didn’t want to be with him anymore than I questioned if he is attractive, his height, I thought he was annoying for the longest time, I didn’t want to have sex with him and honestly some of these feelings are still here 7 months better. I am a lot better. I can have normal days but they still consist of thoughts. I can spend time with him without over analyzing everything. I am still holding onto a few things though and I’m not sure how long it will take me to get these thoughts completely out of my head. The main thing that bothers me is although I know I love him it feels like a different type of love. Sometimes I feel numb and sometimes I am emotional but the love is just never the same as what it used to be. I can’t even describe how it isn’t the same but it just doesn’t feel like it used to. It scares me that I will never go back to normal because I’ve gotten used to feeling like this. This has been such a heartbreaking, weird and exhausting experience and sometimes I fail to believe it was even the pill causing me this. SO SAD!!
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Hi! How have you been feeling?
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