I went to Subway. Long story short, I told mom I thought the man working there was a *explicative* and she went off on me. I understand that part. What I don’t understand is that no matter what I, S., do wrong, she finds a way to drag Z. into it and blame him. How is that even fair? She then went on to say my foul language must have been learned from him because she’s “heard all about how” he curses alllll the time. What? He doesn’t. So he curses in traffic? Big deal. So does she. And how would she even know that? It feels like no matter what I do, or what situation I’m in, that she will find a way to drag him into it and further degrade him as a person. I get that she doesn’t like him, she’s made that blatantly clear. Why can’t she see the good qualities in him? Or even then, just realize that HE makes ME happy. He makes me happier than anyone else. Girlfriends and all included. He makes me laugh, and feel more open and comfortable about who I am as a person. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me feel loved and cared about. Continuing to bring up what she thinks of him isn’t going to change that, oh wait, yes it is. All it does is create tension between me and Z. because then I go to him and have to ask him to change who he is just to please someone else. He doesn’t have to change for me, I love him HOW HE IS. Why does she want him to change for her? Would she expect me to change who I am for someone else, no, would she even let me, no. She then says “I bet his mother doesn’t know this about him.” She probably does. He’s an only child. No one knows him better than his parents, not even me. I’ve just found that lately I’m unhappy being at home. I don’t like being here because all I have to hear about is how bad of a person he is, and how stupid I am for putting up with it, whatever “IT” is. Yeah, the boy has quirks. But so do I. His parents don’t constantly talk about how he should break up with me if I don’t change my habits. It’s like they think no one is good enough. I think Z. amazing. I do. I would be so much happier as a person if they would just accept that Z. is a teenage guy. He has the same quirks as any other. M. curses like a sailor, and my parents have heard her. and A. curses even worse than her. Yet you don’t hear them constantly on me about how I should “kick them to the curb” or tell her/him “to ship up or ship out.” I’m unhappy as a person and I feel like things would be so much better in my life if I had kept my relationship a secret. They wouldn’t be on me about it all the time, and Z. could continue to make me the happiest I’ve ever been. It would be the biggest win-win on history. But I know that won’t ever happen. No matter how long Z. and I stay together I know they’ll continue to hold it over me about when ONE thing happened. I’ve moved on from it, and it seems like they can’t. I feel like I’ll be 30 years old with my own children and they’ll be like “Hey remember when Z. did this?” Why don’t they get on T.? J. curses. But I bet that’s really not even a big deal because Jeremy’s perfect. Let’s just compare Z. to the boyfriend 3000 and point out everything that we think is wrong with him. That’s my life. It sucks. I son’t know what to talk about anymore, I’m rambling and getting more irritated the more I type. Oh but wait, I’m not allowed to be irritated. I forgot I’m supposed to let nothing bother me and play the happy, perfect, angelic teenager they wish they had. My parents are supposed to be the people that know me the most, when the reality is, they don’t know me at all. They want me to tell them how my day was and what my problems are when I have them, but I can’t. If I could, I wouldn’t be wasting my time typing this pointless diary entry that no one will ever read. If I say something went wrong with my day, they get mad that I let it bother me. Seriously? I don’t even have a logical statement to how much that makes me angry. Is mom not constantly pissed off about something that happened that day? Why am I not allowed to be upset about something? My favorite is when they expect me to tell them about my problems. PSHHHH. All that leads to is an argument about how I put up with whatever it is and then I get yelled at for being upset about how this always happens when I talk to them and then I say “This is why I don’t talk to you.” And they say”But you can.” OBVIOUSLY NOT. I think I need to see a therapist. Not because I’m crazy or need help, or want advice on how to do my life, but because I want someone to talk to who will actually listen, and hear me, and not harp on the one thing I have in my life that makes me happy, and not blame the one person who makes me happy for the things I choose to do in my life. I just want someone to listen. I almost secretly hope someone comes across this document, but then I feel I would only be yelled at for typing this in the first place, and be told that all my feelings are wrong. I don’t understand that logic. How can you tell someone that what they feel is wrong? I don’t know, but apparently it’s possible…
My mom expects me to be perfect to. I cant talk to her about anything without her critisizing me. I can't even tell her why I'm upset. Its like I'm not even allowed to express my feelings.
I can understand it is really difficult when you know what your life should be, but you are unable to change the things, Well, life can be a truly hard sometimes. We may feel that nobody is listening, nobody is understanding us, but it happens with everybody.
Let me tell you a fact. As you feel that your mother doesn't understands you, she also feels that
you don't understand her, it is simply a matter of viewpoint. If you would have been in her place, would u have been better to your child.. You may argue 'Yes' but trust me and keep my reply safe and when in the future u'll have children, give them a chance to vote and they'll tell the same story as you are telling.
I know being a teenager is hard, specially when nobody understands us, but being a parent is harder. You can blame your parents, they can only shout on you, but in the heart they love you.
I am sure Z is really a nice person, I can't say much as I haven't met the guy, but as you described, u tried to sound him as good, but subconsciously you know his faults, (which depicts in your article, you are in denial as you want to keep up the hope with him, and let
me tell you, you are young and life is long, He may make u happy but is he ready to commit to you for life? is he ready to help you through thick and thin? Asking him will not get the
answer, you know the guy pretty well, so ask yourself ( but without bias). and you shall
have the answer, i
One last thing, you may not agree with me, but my advice: for one day, start the day loving
your parents, love them by heart and soul for one day, and you will see miracle happening in your life.
Good Luck and Best wishes!!!