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I’m lost.. together with husband for 17 years, married 4 years, two kids. I’m mobility impaired, whole body pain, it makes me frustrated and ‘depressed’ (in truth I’m just pi&&ed I’m in a lot of pain) I love him, but he leaves us at the boys bedtime to go out and smoke weed every single night. the days after, he’s snappy, picks on me, calls me numb, lazy c@nt, calls the boys retard, penis, prick, play fights with them but gets really mad if they land a good one and hurt him! I’m scared of him, I live with frustration at being left each night til 12-1am when he comes in, eats everything he can find then falls asleep on the couch til 2-3 am. Because of this I buy sleeping pills online, I go to bed same time as the boys and put myself into a ‘coma’ til morning. It’s really taking its toll on me. The thing is, he has a very highly paid job, he works from home but travels off days across the country, hotels semi regularly (no I can’t say if he’s faithful or not, another worry) so he’s a good provider. I get an ‘allowance’ of £500 a month I top up with my incapacity benefit and I craft for my Etsy shop online, (he earns more in his day rate than I get a month) the house/bills/bank accounts are all in his name only. Because I hurt all the time, the housework is lacking, that and our boys never pick up after themselves, I’m either constantly nagging or I give up entirely for weeks at a time, lost, hurting, tearful and feeling quite alone. I hate that he smokes weed, I can’t understand why he prefers to leave us/me, says I never come near him when I’m there EVERY SINGLE DAY! He lies and says a new ‘reason’ for going out, like I’m the id**t he believes me to be. I want to leave, I have nothing though, my family is the other end of the country, I would struggle financially and physically due to the kids having to get up different schools daily. I’m lost. He doesn’t care, jokes that we’re stuck together, he doesn’t want me to go because of losing the boys, he says I’d ruin their lives and turn them into lazy imbeciles like me... They all have fresh food in their bellies and in the house, I do washing n ironing daily, I don’t sit down all day, but we have so much stuff/toys and nowhere to put it all so I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle every day. Some/most days I cry because I woke up, again.

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I am sorry about your situation you are getting so abused it is not fair.Treatment like this you do not deserve.If you need to vent out I am here for you you can send me personal messages if you choose.I will keep our conversations confidential.

You do not have to keep it bottled up it is not good for you or the boys.

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