I have a phobia of travelling on public transport or in cars with others and sometimes of driving myself.
It is a problem I have only recently been able to share with a few people, but which I have suffered from my whole life, which is why I have questioned if it is a phobia at all or something neurological.
I have only recently started to speak to my GP about it and get other therapy, but nobody understands the problem and I the amount of embarrassment it gives me even trying to talk about makes it even harder to try to overcome.
I have realised that it has totally changed the direction I want my life to be going in and I have missed out on so many life experiences, trips with friends, holidays and work opportunities. It has taken over my life and I would give anything to rid myself of it, so if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them!
It started when I was a baby. When my parents carried me down the stairs I would tense up and cling to them for dear life (like I was actually falling), this carried on through my childhood but only when going down slides or on fairground rides (which I tried to avoid at all costs).
When I started high school I remember getting a lift with my mum’s friend. I felt so out of control that I doubled up (like I was in pain) out of sheer panic. I then wanted to avoid going in cars with friends because of how out of control I felt. This led to having a very limited social life and difficulty maintaining friendships.
This fear developed and involved fear of trains, planes, boats, basially anything that moved that I wasn’t in control of (even lifts and escalators). When I was particularly nervous, it even went on to an intense dislike of even seeing moving objects (cars going past me, repetitive images, repetitive noises) and would send me into sheer panic. The only thing I can liken it to is being on a rollercoaster, tense with fear, but also nearly blacking out, like going into a fit. Sometimes I feel like objects move too fast in front of my eyes for me to process everything and it sends my brain into overdrive. This is why I have wondered if it’s neurological, but my GP has assured me it’s not so they are not willing to look down this avenue.
I am intrigued, but also infuriated by this problem and it is a difficult and lonely process trying to understand and treat it on my own when I am SO embarrassed by it. This is why I am appealing to anyone who has experienced this or knows what it could be to get in touch so that I have some idea what to do next. I have thought that it may be depression-related (when I’m really happy I can rise above it, but that’s not very often) or hormone related (some days I am full of fear, other days I can’t feel the fear at all.)
Thanks in advance!