Tocophobia: fear of pregnancy or childbirth
I mean EVERY month I think I'm pregnant.
after I get my periods I think I'm still pregnant.
and sometimes I don't even have sex and I think I'm pregnant.
and plus I'm on birth control and my boyfriend is almost sterile (he has a 10% chance of getting a woman pregnant under perfect conditions)
does anyone else have this problem?
does anyone else experience this anxiety because it is driving not only me crazy but my boyfriend and my mom crazy also.
does anyone have any advice for me? please. I'm tired of it.
But in cases like yours there is a real psychological phobia, of course you know that rationally your chances of conceiving are minute. Does it stop you enjoying sex? I used to feel that.
You might want to go and see someone, I mean, professionally. You don't have to medicalize your fears, but they are trained in deconstructing the fear, if it truly does interfere with your day to day life, and your family and freinds.
Don't let it tear you apart. I suppose you could further your steps of contraception, such as medical ovulation monitoring as well as condoms, the pill and your partners fertility rate. So you weren't having sex on fertile days. Further nulling the chances of conceiving.
But of course, with a real phobia such as this, it may not help, if it is an irrational fear. all the precautions you can take in the world won't help, you need to tackle the phobia from its core.
Good luck x
reading your post is like listening to my own thoughts. i am petrified of mainly giving birth, the pain,tearing etc i am also freaked out by the thought of something growing inside me. i took the plunge to get pregnant back may after losing my mum,i think losing my mum made me realise how much i wanted to be a mum and wished i had given her grandchildren. i got pregnant really quickly and i was so scared that my thoughts made me have accute panick attacks and now i have lost the baby, and i feel its due to my fears and anxiety. i dont know what to do as i want a child so much but i know when i get pregnant my anxiety only gets worse. i also feel this is eventually going to ruin my relationship.i always think that its just me thats wierd aswell but this is a phobia and i feel there should be more help out there for people like us.i hope this fear doesn't leave you of myself childless forever it would be so sad. good luck i hope you can overcome it,i think i'll just try again even though the anxiety is excruciating,i also cant bear the thought of life with no kids x
So far, I've had one miscarriage, one birth, one severe pregnancy scare, and two abortions.
Yes, I did bear one child (conceived when I was far too young) only because I couldn't find a doctor who would give me an abortion. I felt forced to bear him and have been resentful raising him as a single mother, but I am glad that he is my son. I did loose my career and everything I had going for myself, but I gained a whole new world of childhood firsts that I have enjoyed. I still don't have maternal instincts and had to learn everything from books and pretend my way through ;even though, I always felt more like his sister rather than his mother.
But the experience of having a high risk pregnancy and all the extra doctor visits and the excruciating birth experience (by luck relieved by the assistance of a masseuse), increased my fear 10-fold of getting pregnant again.
The fear is so great that I'll panic during sex when I think I might have been impregnated, even when it's no where near my ovulating time, and I'll test and retest for pregnancy daily and do all sorts of home remedies to ensure my safety, which have made me very sick in the past and I do -not- recommend them. Even right now, I fear that I am pregnant again and dread the appointment I need to make to make sure I'm not.
After so many years of miserable relationships, I've finally been blessed with an understanding partner, and a good therapist. My now fiance also has a child and we both agree that we don't need more, and after talking over all the options and risks, he is getting a vasectomy to help ease my fears so we can have more freedom in our relationship without the interfering fears related to pregnancy.
Before reading this thread, I thought that I was out of place in fearing motherhood... afterall that is what we are taught as the woman's purpose on earth. What I've learned is that it isn't our only purpose, only one of many. Our real purpose is to love... whether it be our own child, an adopted child, the neighbor's or friend's child, a relative's child... etc. children come into our lives in all sorts of ways... we don't need to be the biological mother, to care for the many children out there who need a little more encouragement from good and caring role models.
All-in-all there are more logical reasons -not- to have a child, than there is to have one. There's no need to push yourself to be 'normal', or to give into motherhood cravings. Motherhood is not our only purpose, and not something we were sent here to do.
I am relieved when I am ensured that I am not pregnant.
I am relieved that I have had the experience of motherhood.
I am relieved that I have helped to raise so many children in my life though being a teacher.
I am relieved that I am now helping to raise my fiance's youngling.
But I would never bear my own again... I refuse to go through it again... but that won't stop me from doing my share of raising the children of the world. The population is high enough, we don't need to add to it. Is much better to give our time and excess to help raise the children who are already living on our planet and need good, wizened people to turn to when they too have our questions and fears.
I hope my ramblings and experience helps someone to be less attached to the fear. The anxiety is very real, but it does not need to be destructive and there are options to deal with the anxiety. Speak with a therapist about your fear. Find a therapist who will listen and is willing to help you overcome this anxiety, and feel more confident about the choices you are making with birth control, and know all of your options to do in case you do become pregnant. The greatest power is knowledge. Learn all you can from accredited sources. :-)
And most of all, Take care of yourself, and don't fall into being resentful. There is reason and good in everything that seems out of our control.
~All the best!
I am now in a position that when my mother dies I will have no relatives to speak of. I am single, not a date in sight, and she is over 80. When she dies, I am literally alone and so desperately sad.
I am seriously considering finding a therapist to deal with the grief of being alone and being menopausal, meaning that I will never have a child.
I knew I could never do it, never have a child. I would have had to commit suicide, I even planned the suicide once when I thought I was pregnant. Mercifully I was not. I was pregnant one time and had a miscarriage, it was such a bad experience I would never even consider pregnancy and childbirth. That experience ended any thought of even attempting to consider looking for a therapist for the phobia. I was a disaster after that miscarriage. The experience was so bad, so hellish, that I thought I was going to have nightmares forever after it. There is no way I could get through a pregnancy or childbirth, obviously.
But the sadness is awful now. I always thought I could find a husband, someone would want me, but nobody did. I lost the love of my life twice due to not being willing to have a child, and since I could never tell people the truth, they just thought I was some tough girl who didn't like children. I couldn't tell them the truth because I am certain I would have been forced into a pregnancy in some way or another, and then I would either have to have an abortion or commit suicide.
There is no other option for me, and it is so sad at this age.
My husband tells me that this is nonsense. That I am maternal and a natural born mother, but this doesn't make me any less afraid to be pregnant. I wish I could just skip the whole pregnancy and get our baby. Surrogacy maybe, but who can afford that? Not me.
I am determined to find a way to do this. I want it too badly to keep myself from doing it. However, I am too scared to just jump in and do it. I don't think I could go forward with getting an abortion once I got myself pregnant. I am afraid that I would end up being miserably depressed and anxious for 9 months.
I don't want else to say other than I am so terrified. Has anyone been in this position before, went through with the pregnancy and had a good experience? I need to hear some hopeful stories to give me reason to believe that I can do this.
Thanks for your help :-)
Just like the thread starter, I am afraid of pregnancy (birth giving).
Every month when I am late on my period, I would have strange thoughts about being pregnant.
I got married on 4th April. My period is supposed to be due earlier this month but until today, I am not having any signs of period, which add more stress to my existing fear of pregnancy.
How can I solve this problem?
When I look at other people's babies, I do wish to have my own babies too.. I mean they are so cute and cuddly.. I love holding them..
The only problem is I have no idea how I can put aside the fear and be happy about having babies..