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These were passed along by a dear friend.


>>She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

>>Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

>>Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

>>Her boyfriend is on the cover of People magazine's 50 Most

>>Beautiful People issue.

>>And her ex-husband is on the back of the milk carton.



>>"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman

>>wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control

>>for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

>>"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with

>>me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."



>>I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand

>>how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the

>>hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.



>>While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom

>>and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that

>>husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He

>>addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom

>>leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury,

>>isn't it?"

>>The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.



>>A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The

>>sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that

>>he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down

>>the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of

>>cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought

>>you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"

>>He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to

>>the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a

>>tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.

>>So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she."

>>( I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton! )



>>A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a

>>word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them

>>wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,

>>and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

>>"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."



>>A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women

>>use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has

>>to be because we have to repeat everything to men."

>>The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"



>>A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so

>>stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

>>The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so

>>you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be

>>attracted to you!"



>>A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew

>>the coffee each morning.

>>The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and

>>then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

>>The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and

>>you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my


>>Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the

>>Bible that the man should do the coffee."

>>Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

>>So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed

>>him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........."HEBREWS"



Some Alan King one liners...

Why do women live longer than men ? Becasuse they're not married to women.

Speaking of a dead aquaintance: How did he leave her ? HAPPY !!!

Bonus Gag:

Why are divorces so expensive ? They are WORTH IT !!