The couple was 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though far from young, they were both in very good health for their age, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they were on vacation, and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.

He took them to a beautiful mansion, with an eternally stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home, now."

The old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

They went out behind the mansion, where they were shown the adjacent Championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. "What are the greens fees?", grumbled the old man. "This is Heaven," St. Peter replied, "you can play for free, every day."

Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, free-flowing beverages, and fountain of champagne. "Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven. It is all here for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked. "That's the best part," St. Peter replied, "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"

The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your @#$% bran muffins! I could have been here ten years ago!"