If You Aren't a Narcissist, How Can You Compete With One?

Most of us, whether we are narcissists or not, eventually have to compete with a narcissist for a job, a promotion, or a business deal. What is it about narcissists that make them so hard to beat? Conversely, what is it about a narcissist that can give you the winning edge in dealing with them? Here are some suggestions. (These principles, of course, will also work in dealing with other narcissists if you happen to be a narcissist yourself.)

• It's not a good idea to socialize with the narcissists with whom you compete at work or in business. Healthy, grandiose narcissists (yes, it's possible to be a healthy narcissist) will envy any talents that draw attention away from themselves. If they are healthy, they use that envy to become better at the skills and qualities they see in others so they become the center of attention. You don't want someone working hard to be a better you than you are yourself. Don't let them get to know you.
• It is a good idea to rehearse your memories of times you feel powerful. You don't have to be a jerk about it; but before you go into a job interview, recall your victories, the times you were a winner. They put your in a mindset to project power and competence.
• Stand up straight. Speak clearly. Use open gestures. Body language conveys power, too. You don't have to master Hitlerian hand gestures like the famous American presidential candidate, but you certainly should not go into a business meeting or a job interview hunched over or slouching. Psychological study has found that people who sit up straight are more likely to believe their self-talk about power and success.

READ How To Recognize People With Narcissistic Personality Disorder

• Dress neatly. Careful attention to appearance reinforces self-esteem.
• Be aware that narcissistic attitudes are often rewarded in corporate settings. Even malignant narcissism, the need to tear others down, can be a way to get ahead in a "sick" company. If you don't like playing the game, choose a different arena.
• Don't be shy. If you really do have the best ideas in a group, you will have to speak up to share them. You may find dealing with narcissistic responses to your ideas distasteful, but it's necessary not only for you to get credit for your own abilities but also for your good ideas to adopted by the group to which you present them.

Feelings of superiority are healthy when you are objectively superior. Where people go wrong is needing to feel superior to others, and feeling upset when they aren't regarded as superior to others, or, even worse, losing temper and becoming self-destructive when others objectively perform better than themselves. If you are a narcissist, you have an inborn drive to succeed. If you aren't, you can fake it 'til you make it, you can project the competencies of which you are sure within yourself to the rest of the world until the world finally takes notice, always paying attention to your inner moral compass.