BOYFRIEND CAN'T GET HARD

Hi,

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 22. we've been together for a while. We've always had a few problems in the bedroom from the beginning - i think it's just because we were used to doing things differently. I've been lucky that he's very open with me and tells me exactly what's going on, even if sometimes it is me that's making it hard for him.

He always used to be able to get hard, and he still can but more recently he looses it if you stop playing with it pretty quickly. It makes him really frustrated and used to make me feel like rubbish..

i used to think what i'd imagine most girls would... ahh i dont turn him on enough, not sexy enough, if only i had bigger boobs blahh blahh.. but that is the WORST thing you can do - He recognizes that, which then puts him under MORE PRESSURE because he doesn't want to go soft and make me feel like hes not into me or something.

My boyfriend used to have an anxiety disorder which he now deals fine with. but going soft is mainly due to worrying if i'm enjoying it, and he has thoughts like 'what if i go soft' which sometimes just the pressure and the thought of it does ! which makes it worse and all gets very stressful for both of us.

 

Best thing in my opinion - well what works best for me... i always try to make him feel comfortable, usually much better if it just starts of spontaneously and lots of foreplay for him.. nice underwear and make it more playful so its not like some sort of military act haha! also making him feel confident and letting him know that i'm enjoying it works wonders! obviously don't start screaming down his ear or whatever because he'll just think your faking it. also, be confident in yourself - that's much more sexy than if your worrying your head off - he will pick up on it and it's definitely not a turn on.

 

other than some of our sexual problems are relationship is amazing. On a personal level we get on really well and if that's the case in yours then you have no need to worry. make sure you talk about it so its not the elephant in the room and remember sex isn't everything in a relationship!

 

Hope this helps

 

X

completely understand this. my boyfriend was massively into porn before we met and had been since a young age. I didn't really think anything of it, but he mentioned that could be the problem. now he does it alot less often and it's way better!

99% mental barrier, they don't have enough confidence, anxiety worrying if he's pleasuring you enough in my experience.

on the otherhand it could be because of your muscles down there, may not be tight enough - kegel exercises work wonders!

Hope this helps

x

its called touching

I too have this problem. It seems no matter what I do he doesn't get completely erect. Oral sex(no matter him or I doing it), finger play, kissing. I have never had a problem with a man before. He is only 38. Because of this I'm just wishing for sex to be over. I'm actually not even turned on because when you are doing everything and it don't work. I don't think I'm the problem at all. We have been together for 9 months now so the anxiety to perform should be long gone, I think. We have a good relationship its just he isn't cutting it in bed. I find myself thinking of the past boyfriend just to keep going. It just really sucks when you are all hands or mouth on and it only gets half hard. 

Okay ladies and gents this is a new problem. There is no reason for a man under forty to have erectile problems. Google "Porn Addiction" and you will find your answer. I'm 55 and I'm here to tell you that ED NEVER happened to young men 20 years ago. They would be rock hard from just kissing and stay hard until they came. And they always came during vaginal sex. Young men now have desensitized their penises and minds by frequently masterbating to extreme porn. I refuse to work at keeping a guy hard because he's beat his meat too much. 

so your saying that the temperature can be a reason that it happens, cause with my finace, hes hard we have sex once he cums and cant get hard again but it stays really cold in our house and he works really long hours so hes always tired. so just trying to see if this is something he should go get checked out,

I so can relate, and it's getting to me.. I don't want to split but thinking of an ex bc oF this issue is horrible.. I just want it to get better bc I do luv this guy.. Ugghh I need advice

I have this same Problem. I feel its my fault although he says it isnt. Makes me feel unattractiveto him and causes alot ov tension. And after a while ya get sick ov trying and im on the verge of giving up. I have had this problem on and off for the last 2yr. It makes things harder as we have a young disabled child together. And wej it happens on a regular basis, I honestly feel like that is the only reason we are STILL together. Im the one who is up for everything n he is so shy and submissive and clueless wen comes to sex. I feel I cant talk to him for embarassing him, or making it sound wrong, but its really effecting me. Wen its instigated by him, all is fine. But if I try pfft. Its like he just not into it. He lookin at the walls etc, during sex. Its like he isnt intrested. Although he says otherwise. And to be honest it isnt that great either, he seems to also ov picked up premature ejaculation somewhere into our relationship. To the point he cant even make me cum most ov the time, let alone orgasm. Im at breaking point now. I have tried everything. I have alot ov sexy outfits and toys, bed restraints blindfolds n nothing is working, he hasn't got the courage to use them. Been like this for 2yr out ov the 4yr we been together almost n I think its gona be the breaking ov us. Im at the point now where I dont see the point in tryin with him on the chance he isnt going to get hard or im not gona get anything bak from it. It seems to be a 1 way street for him and it never used to be this way. He rushes n just sees the finish line (him cuming). Can I have your opinions on whether im wasting my time in this relationship anymore. Cos I have felt for the last yr or so that I am. He always says he loves me n kisses me etc, but thats not enough as sex with him is telling me otherwise

I have the same problem.  My boyfriend can't get/keep it up.  I also notice he has a difficult urinating (not a full flow).  He works out a lot and eats a bunch of protein (nothing artificial).  I'm quite a bit older than he, but he was definitely a ho in his past social life.  He's always looking at himself in the mirror, posing, checking himself out.  He's said many times that the male body is beautiful.  Yes, I know what you're thinking.  I'm thinking it too.  Well, tonight is the second night we spend by ourselves.  I moved into a new place, and he brought everything (down to the hair on the floor) the second he found out I was moving to the new place.  He made sure not even my milk was in his refrigerator.  I told him I got the point, enjoy life.  He responded that everything was aokay, and why would I think differently.  Oh please.  Take you and your ED and go find a closet to pop out of.

My boy friend and i have been dating a little while and we started making out like alot , kissing, touching , foreplay you name it and the first time he got hard but when we took it to the next step he went limp . I told him it is alright it will happen when it happens please it's okay well did not help it was worse . We have since tried and tried and he says he is just so in love with me and he has never felt like this with any one and he is so frustrated and his man hood is down the drain . We spent the night together and we got started and when he flipped me over he went limp again and he isn't doing good with it at all . So do i just stop trying to say helpful things like i am so turned on by you , you are so sexy and i bet it will be amazing when the time comes because i messed up and it totally back fired bad . I feel horrible and do not know how to deal with this and i kinda am feeling unattractive so any ideas . He is 45 and i am 42 so go figure .

I just posted about me and my boyfriend and go figure was meant wow at our age i would not think this could or would happen . I love him and i will never leave him due to this situation he is my world and i am sticking by his side i just am looking for any advice . Thank you 

joanne Its Bcos he must be doing the same thing as my boyfriend having a bit on the side so I made him stay at home and yes he got a hard on and we had sex all night long

i have a question so im gay and i have a boyfriend and we tried to have sex like three times and for some reason i didnt get hard at all and i dont know what the problem is

i kinda have the same problem like i tried to have sex with my boyfriend and i didnt get hard at all we tried three times so idk wat could be the problem