MY boyfriend and I have had sex numourous times, but he is still unable to orgasm. After questioning him about it he told me that as long as he has been sexually active he's never reached an orgasm while having intercourse. He went on to further say that he doesn't find sex pleasureable since he has almost no feeling in his penis. We tried having sex less often to try to create some sensitivity down there, but nothing seems to be working. Personally, I think this problem is a psychological barrier he's implemented to cope with the sexual abuse he suffered as a child. He can still become aroused and during foreplay he can be stimulated, but during the act of sexual intercouse he can't reach climax. Does anyone have any advice for me?
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hey zigger,
a couple questions. is your boyfriend circumscised? can he orgasm while masturbating and has he ever been able to ejaculate or have nocturnal emission (wet dream)? also if i could ask what type of abuse he suffered as a kid (this is a 100% annamous forum but if you would feel more comfortable answering theve questions in a private message you can do so)
thanks
a couple questions. is your boyfriend circumscised? can he orgasm while masturbating and has he ever been able to ejaculate or have nocturnal emission (wet dream)? also if i could ask what type of abuse he suffered as a kid (this is a 100% annamous forum but if you would feel more comfortable answering theve questions in a private message you can do so)
thanks
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No, I have no problem posting the answer here. Yes, he's circumcised and able to orgasm while masturbating. I'm not positive about whether he's ever had any nocturnal emissions, but I'm leaning more towards the yes side. Well, when he was about 5 he was molested by a family friend and when he was 11/12 he was raped by a male nurse in the hospital where he was staying overnight for surgery. After the second incident I know from what he and his family have told me that his behavior changed dramatically. He became more isolated and increasingly violent. When he turned 15 I was told he became able to control himself and if confronted with a problem he will remove himself from the situation. I don't think that was the end of his coping with what happened because he lost his virginity at 15 (when he first couldn't feel anything) and began having sex with any girl who would oblige him. He told me that at one point he thought that he might be gay since he didn't climax while having sex with women. A friend of mine, that I didn't know my boyfriend and I shared, told me that when my boyfriend was 17, my friend (who is gay) asked him to fool around but my boyfriend declined explaining that he "didn't feel right" and when on to further say that "with girls it feels right, I like it. I can't imagine doing stuff with guys, it just doesn't turn me on." It has been very trying to figure out what is wrong with my boyfriend. He's attracted to women, gets turned on by them, but can't climax. What do you say to that and what should we do?
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i too believe that this is probably stemming from his privious abuse situation. i would say no he is not gay but is still traumatised by being sexually abused twice. the fact that was having sex with any girl that would let him was probably a way he was trying to cope with what happend. perhaps when he has sex he starts having flashbacks to what happened. the fact that he can orgasm when he mastubates means he can "feel things" but he "goes blank" when interacting with another person. sex is about 90% mental and if he cannot concentrate on the situation and how it feels and the pleasure of it then the body wont climax.
does this make any sense??
does this make any sense??
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Yes that makes sense because that's most of the issue. He said he only has feeling when he's masturbating. Since the problem isn't organic maybe he needs some psychiatric help? I can't really say anything about the flashback idea because he's never said anything about having that kind of experience. Thank you for all your help.
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i would reccomend that. or you could try talking to him first since it can be hard sometimes to go to professional help. if not he can come on here and talk here that way its a lot less "personal" and perhaps he wont feel judged or worry about anyone knowing him. yo ucan let him know that none of what happened was his fault and it should never have happened but sometimes you cant prevent things like that.what im trying to say is that he couldnt defend himself when he was five and probably not when he was 12 especially if he was recovering from sugery.
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I plan on talking to him about it later on. I tell him whenever he brings it up that it isn't his fault since he was only a child when it first happened and heavily sedated the second time. I still think he's angry about it and I can understand why, he never confronted the problem head on and there's a lot of emotion he's repressed.
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exactly its the same as when a women (or a man)M gets raped they feel as though some how it is their fault and they did something wrong. plus just the feeling of getting taken advantage of and haveing no controle over the situation is horrible. plus anything that the victim was told such as "if you tell anyone i will kill you" or "if anyone finds out i'll hurt your family" things like that all cause harm. once again if he wants he can talk on here because it is in a way very impersonal and no one really knows anything about the person but what the person tells plus its like your not telling another human since you can not hear them speaking or see them at all just read what they typed may make him feel more comfortable. (o yea crying is fine to.....) i'm a guy and why i normally dont cry there are times when you just have to.
good luck and remember to let him know that in no way is anyone judging or trying to change him in any ways just trying to make him feel better.
good luck and remember to let him know that in no way is anyone judging or trying to change him in any ways just trying to make him feel better.
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hey, just wondering if you talked to your friend yet? i was on the forum today and found a good article on abuse here is the link to one girls story on which another few have posted..... it may help him deal with it if he reads it and realizes he's not alone. i wish i could find some posts of guys getting abused. that would help even more i think.
https://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/life-after-being-raped-yes#374554
let me know how it goes :-)
https://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/life-after-being-raped-yes#374554
let me know how it goes :-)
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if he is taking antidepressants for whatever reason (mood, traumatic events during childhood) this could well be the cause. SSRI antidepressants are KNOWN to cause these sorts of symptoms: sexual dysfunction, ejaculation or orgasm dysfunction, decreased libido. This may well be the culprit, although there may largely be a psychological component. He should NOT stop taking his antidepressant without consulting his doctor first.
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I had the same problem with my boyfriend. What I did is more sex we had sex like 5-8 times a day and it worked.
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