So we've been together for 15 months. We first tried to have sex 4 months into the relationship and it was unsuccessful. For a short time nothing worked, oral, hand, nothing. But for quite a few months now hand almost always works. He'll get hard and finish, but theres absolutely NO SEX. He's always told me this has never happened to him before, that he's not nervous and he doesn't know what's going on. He went to his doctor and they told him it was mental and to not think about anything and relax--which is what I'd been saying. He still insists he's not nervous and nothing has improved. He barely wants to even try because he says it never goes well and he gets frustrated. What I don't understand is when I give him hand he has no problem maintaining an erection and finishing. But if I give him him hand and during tell him I'm going to get on top or lets try and have sex, he goes soft and can't get hard again. I'm in completely uncharted waters here and don't know what to do. I know I want to have sex and I want to have kids and as patient and creative as I've been, ultimately I can't fix this for him. He never talks about it, he never initiates having sex, he never wants to try. We're young, I'm 30 and he's 31 and the foreplay we do is so routine it's like a turkey sandwich. I've tried talking to him about changing things up about not talking for an hour and just being spontaneous he always says he gets it but never does it...as you can see I'm at the point (after almost a year of being super patient) of extreme frustration. Please help! I know it's normal for guys to go through periods of sexual dysfuntion but this isnt normal
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Well this must be extremely frustrating for you..we can assume that for him it is not only frustrating,it is embarrassing and an experience we are pretty sure he dreads living again.Then it goes into a vicious cycle. What I would suggest would be for him or both of you according to what makes both of you feel more comfortable to visit a qualified counsellor as it is clear that it is a mental problem. They will be able to give you help which you cant imagine they could and will help.It might be some things to try gradually,it might be a little thing that you just never thought. Just my personal opinion comes into play here and I will say dont settle with him if there is such a big problem as you might feel that love can maintain a relationship right now,in 7 years time you will need physical love to maintain and keep things flowing.Hope I helped
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As a male, to me it seems rather odd. I have noticed though that sometimes the pressure of wanting to have sex right now can actually force even myself to not function straight away. I have had to be in control and Be on top both by feeling control and actually having control of her body.
Some suggestions I would say are to really throw him into a sexual spin, get him on top of you, get him to play with your mind and your body really force it upon him.
Things that get me going are things like, Nibbling the ear and heavy breathing both around my ear. Talking things through like how she is feeling, how "wet" she is.
I always find that if I'm on top of her (sort of crouched over) I feel total control when we are naked and every time if I kiss her and play with her either with breasts or lips I always get excited especially when her legs wrap around me. It's something about both the image and mental state that just makes it hot for both of us.
I would say you've been on top, this man needs to feel his on machoistic ways and take control, if that doesn't work. I'd say it must be a much deeper problem and could be lack of physical and/or emotional in the relationship.
One thing i can say is that after 15months, you are more than qualified to walk away knowing you tried everything. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.
All the best
Some suggestions I would say are to really throw him into a sexual spin, get him on top of you, get him to play with your mind and your body really force it upon him.
Things that get me going are things like, Nibbling the ear and heavy breathing both around my ear. Talking things through like how she is feeling, how "wet" she is.
I always find that if I'm on top of her (sort of crouched over) I feel total control when we are naked and every time if I kiss her and play with her either with breasts or lips I always get excited especially when her legs wrap around me. It's something about both the image and mental state that just makes it hot for both of us.
I would say you've been on top, this man needs to feel his on machoistic ways and take control, if that doesn't work. I'd say it must be a much deeper problem and could be lack of physical and/or emotional in the relationship.
One thing i can say is that after 15months, you are more than qualified to walk away knowing you tried everything. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.
All the best
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Tell him sweet things, tell him that he's the best, that everything's ok. Do ha****b while both of you are naked, tell him to lie down on the bed, close his eyes, and while he's thinking about something great (tell him to think about something great) you just get on top of him (don't tell him you'll be doing so) and just start your fun. See how that works?
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I had a similar problem and for years I never knew that my obsession with porn was a contributing factor to my sexual dysfunction. I used to masturbate and orgasm to porn at least five or more times a day, but when I wanted to have sex with a girl, it was like the blood in my body forgot my penis existed. You might want to ask him to stop watching porn or masturbating if those are his problems. If he's highly suggestible, you might want to send him to a hypnotist that can help him to overcome his mental barrier. Another suggestion I have for you is, if you are into it, you might just want to kiss, hold an d caress each other, no talking, just enjoying each others energies. Hope this helps!
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