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spending a month in hospital. I have had a very productive life but now at 54 I have noticed balance issues. I'm bad on stairs, have to feel my toe on the kick plate and have a rail to hang on. My memory is suffering too, I think it's beyond what should be normal for my age. Now after finding all these people I know I'm fortunate to have issues I can cope with .
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The biggest effect was that I 'lost' myself. I havent had memory problems particularly, but I lost my sense of self, I had no idea what it meant to be me if that makes sense to anyone? It took around three years or so for me to calm down enough to start trying to build whom I thought I was or really should be. It was almost like I lost my personality (my wife, who is still with me noticed particularly, I'm not the person she first me and fell in love with.. thankfully our love endured and it was the main thing that pulled me through).
I've managed to rebuild a lot of my confidence, but no where near my earlier levels, when I read what I'd written before I got ill, I dont recognise, its clearly written by someone MUCH smarter than I feel so I guess I may have lost some intellectual horsepower.
On occasion ( a few times a year) I get what the family and I call a sad fart, I've learned to recognise it (Im in the middle of one now, probably why I'm searching for encephalitis and actually replying to this thread in attempt to drag myself out of it) I get terribly depressed (which is contrary to my normal disposition), I feel hopeless, self-destructive and miserable irregardless of whether the rest of my life is going well or not. It generally only lasts a day or so (I think sleep helps my brain sort itself out) and I'm best left alone (unfortunately I'm at work right now and getting nothing done as I cant focus on anything difficult or think straight)
If there is a silver lining (which there is), the personality I have today is a totally constructed one. There is nothing of my old self except where I have incorporated memories of how I think I was and want to be. I spent years deciding on what my values were, what I believed or valued, who I fundamentally was and am. One of the double edged upsides of this is that I simply cannot lie to myself, I always know if I'm trying to justify something and always have to call myself or own any decision I make. Its not a bad thing I don't think and it helps with my confidence.
I hope the very best for the people on here, I know I'm lucky in many ways with the effects its had on me, but I am still feeling its effect over 20 years on, as do the people around me. I guess I've tried to build enough compassion into my new personality to feel for those my Encephalitis affected too, we all need to try and be consciously aware of the effect it has on others. When my personality was effectively wiped, it was terrifying, I felt capable of absolutely anything with no filters or limits on behavior or action and while I that's still the case at my core, being able to build those pieces of personality others take for granted to protect myself and others has been a 20 year gift that I think has made me a more honest, kinder and more empathic person because those aspects of personality were a conscious choice rather than the results of experience and environment.
Well I've rambled enough my very best wishes to everyone
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This is the first time I have been able to express these things with others that have had similar problems. I have been very successful in life but have always known I'm not quite normal. My faith in Jesus Christ pulled me out of a dark hole of depression, anxiety, and torment. I thank God for every day of almost normality !!
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ventracles . I am now 43 ,2 years ago i started doing this weird thing where i try to say something but another word comes out.for example i will ask my boyfriend to hand me my socks but instead say " hand me my ashtray"???????i also have an arm or leg that starts jerking and shaking fast amd i cant stop but then it stops after a minute or two.iistwo.ii
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she is very un alert many memory issues and moody
we were thrown out of Riu plaza due to her having night accidents offered to pay for new sheets and not very understanding. I have heard many people do well after bought but my mom's short term memory poor.We never found out her cause of encehalitus just mite have been from measles
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this is the second time I have tried to comment on this post. I happy to see someone else is sharing their experience of encephalitis and the things they are going through. I had encephalitis when 7 years old with measles I didn't realize I am still so emotional about it so it is hard to write about my experiences. I think my thought jumble when I try to put it on paper. I can' type worth beans anyway and the stress make it worse. my biggest things after encephalitis is feeling inadequate never able to do anything good enough, and there is anxiety, fear, trust issues and negativity, impatience, and feeling rushed to do everything. I am not the person I used to be everything seemed harder for me school was not good but got better. I have been trying to find out if there were any encephalitis survivors for many years and only found three.. I am happy to have finally found all of you on the blog. I hope we can help each other. I too am concerned about after effects of encephalitis. I have many of the same issues as many of you. You are all correct that most DRs say Hmmmmm, We need to tell people about our experiences and problems so and if they will listen and believe us. I also trip over invisible things. We are not crazy were are struggling against the effects of disease. One Dr told me I still have the measles it has not left it is still in my blood causing inflammation. I had measles and encephalitis over 50 years ago. I also felt I was alone and misunderstood, I do have a very loving kind understanding husband, who supports me and stands up for me, sometimes he surprises me by defending me when I feel really down or stupid around others. We need to keep trying to push forward and also support each other, Hang in there, and hope for help. sorry about the scattered thoughts.
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