I've been a loyal junkie of the past 15 of my 29 yrs on this planet.,. I never wanted this or antisapated wld I'd endure from this life. But b4 I realized I wasn't in control but being controlled it was way too late. Always the same pattern of gojng into jail at first then prison stays off and on. I've done more time doing time for all the time I've lost jus gettn high if that makes sense? Anyway always the same thing get high go back in get clean get my sh*t together be one the person I was always intended to be, build my life back up little by little regaining the love and trust of all those I'd betrayed and sacrificed to feed my addiction. Would always truely believe that this time was it, I did it different this time it will stick and I won't go back to the needle or H. Would be guilt invested in my sobriety and living a healthy life, became an avid runner even. Never thgt I'd run a day in my life if it weren't to get away from the police, but in prison I found it to be a wonderful replacement to fill my addiction boys I now had. Bc every addict knws they lose one they immedatley need to find another to fill it's place. Well for me it was running I cld literally beat the guck outta myself almost to the point of feeln as go ud if not better than the high I'd get from dope, the serotonin wld flow dopamine wld as well giving me a new kinda high, actually wld feel sick mentally & physically if I cldnt run. But everytime I'm released I always start smoking cigs, well there goes my capability to run no more outlet to fill tht void and as u can predict enter back in the H. Yup back to rock bottom b4 ever realizing I'm there. This last time is diff tho something ud never imagined a possibility happened. Had gotten out same with the I can do it attitude to fall back but I never thgt possible I cld get any worse than jus living with this heroin addiction but I made the fatal mistake of accepting the offer of shooting coke with the guy I was using with. I never too much liked coke would even say I'd hated every experience I'd had in the past with if, always hated the high hated the comedown hated the people tht did it, hated everythg ta do with it up until I shot it up. OM mutha fuckn G bliss lik never felt almost unimaginable to conceive and now I can't do one without the other, hav H need coke and vs versa. I'm jus a dead gurl walking more so now stumbling thru a pathetic excuse of an exsistence, and there's no way out or no way to ever fill the horrid craving that torments my body and mind everyday I wake up. I prey endlessly for death to save me from this life I can't leave on my own. But no answers no one to hear my pleas or failed useless attemps at stoping, all I feel iam left to do on this earth is try my hardest at least to warm anyone who will listen and hear wht I'm begging u all the acknowledge please don't ever do coke esp shoot it up!!!!!! If u want to die choose another way tht won't be as agonizing drawn out while destroying everyone else's lives around u that love and care for u. Jesus I can't express it enough please find a new way to fill ur void whtever it may be, but never think tht H or coke is a good way of doing tht! I can't save myself or fix my life at this point all I am able to do is give serious warning to hopefully save anyone there life in saying don't do this don't do these drugs!!!!!!! There is no alternative ending other than utter agony with horrid unimaginable misery that awaits u doing that. I prey someone out there will hear this will listen and if ur list I hope u find ur way