Feeling depressed after stopping the birth control pills?

Your boyfriend and my husband must be cut from the same cloth. He too would seem to know my feelings before I did. I too worried that my husband was secretly bothered by my issues. I also worried that my emotions were all we talked about. And indeed, for a few months, they really were.



However, you have to trust in the love he has for you. The simple fact is, love is what makes him stick around during all of this. And not only does he stick around, but he WANTS to stick around. I often expressed this same worry to my husband (fiance at the time), and he would repeatedly say that he wanted to be with me and that he loved me through thick and thin. You can also consider how it would be if the roles were reversed (and you were your "old self"). I know I would've absolutely stayed by my husband, and probably would've been even more attentive than usual because I would've wanted to help him through it. I'm sure you'd say the same of your situation. Maybe it would help to think of it in that way.



My secret, if you can call it that, is that I never fessed up to ALL of my true feelings while I was dealing with it. My love might've been buried deep as my husband said, but I rarely ever felt it, if at all. And most of the time, I would repeat over and over again that I loved him, but I'm not sure I ever really felt it. I think I kept saying it because it gave me hope, and in that case, I think it was a good thing. I may not have felt it, but it WAS there.



I worried that deep-down I didn't love him, and that I would end up hurting him later when I finally admitted it to myself how I truly felt. Well, you can probably see right there that I loved him, considering how much I was concerned over his future feelings, but at the time, I didn't see it. I would imagine that you worry in this same way, and to me, this is an indication of the love that's there, but that you can no longer feel right now.

You sum up my feelings perfectly. It's like I'm talking to myself, haha. I'm so grateful because your success is such an inspiration. I'm doing better today... Less thoughts and panic. But my emotions are numb and I can't feel the love. So frustrating. I just keep trying to remind myself that I'll feel it again one day (hopefully soon).

I went to acupuncture again this morning. I feel much better the second time around. And the herb supplement she made for me will be ready for my next appointment on Wednesday. Hopefully that will help. I'm also taking more vitamins. She recommended Omega 3, Vitamin D3, and Calcium/Magnesium in addition to my B-complex vitamins. The vitamins do seem to help, at least somewhat.

Anyway, I wanted to share what my acupuncturist told me today. I emailed her between sessions and opened up about this "loss of love" problem and all the negative/intrusive thoughts and doubts I'm having. Today, before our session, she spoke to me about it. She told me that these negative feelings (or lack of feelings) are *very* normal during hormonal issues. While my anxiety didn't believe her, it was still nice to hear. I just have to keep reminding myself that this will pass. Hopefully soon!

I'm glad she said that it's very normal. Right now I'm experiencing PMS, and while it's almost like it used to be before BCP, I have to admit that that's the one part that still hasn't returned completely. But it's consistent. I am prepared with my mood journal enough to know when my next cycle is, and when I will feel down. I don't really have the negative/loss of love feelings, as much as just the pain of the memories. It's hard to describe. I've sometimes told my husband, it's like a shadow of the pain I used to have. Thankfully, I know even the difficult PMS will pass after a few more months. I mean, I know I'll always be moody during that time, but I believe at some point that I'll stop drudging up all those bad memories during that week.



On the other hand, I know that those painful memories serve a purpose. They help me appreciate the days without PMS, as well as remind me to never mess with BCP again. Plus, I still enjoy reading posts on this forum. I just wish more healed women would report back :) Someday, you will be one of them!

Jennifer: I'm sorry you're having a tough PMS week. I hope you're feeling better now. I think I know what you mean by the painful memories. Awhile ago when I had a good week or so, I was haunted by the memories and they gave me anxiety. The thoughts weren't there... Just the memories of the thoughts... But it gave me the same anxiety. But then (since I wasn't recovered like you), the thoughts came back and I had forgotten about the memory anxiety until you just mentioned it.

My thoughts are a little better this week. Hopefully it's a sign that the acupuncture and vitamins are helping. I'm like 80% this week. It's like I can recognize 95% that the thoughts aren't real. But even if I don't believe them, they're still there. And the anxiety and depression is still there. It's just... emptier because I'm not buying into the negative thoughts as much. I have another acupuncture appointment tonight. Hope I continue to get better! I've had so many setbacks that I'm completely discouraged at this point. It's almost like I'm hesitant to say I'm feeling better because I've said it so many times and then crashed back down. I guess I just worry that the bcp did some sort of irreparable damage and that I'll always be stuck with this. But surviors like Jennifer help so much! I wish more would come back and share their experiences!

Heyyyy!It's been a while since my last post.I'm glad for you Jen, don;t worry PMS is nothin compared to the first couple months!!Hope everyone will be done with this thing soon!

I'm 4 months off the pill.Still not myself though.I've had some problems with my period(and i was really stressed about it) so i had to take some progesterone.Hope I won't need it again!I don;t like takin pills even if it's for just 4 days.I often feel stressed,confused,moody(especially when I'm tired).Thoughts are around but they don;t seem so real as they used to.I'm gettin better!However, my feelings for my bf are not like they used to.I got some glimpses but still not there yet.%-)

Hi girls,

I thought it would be good to tell you about my doctor visit from this week. I went initially for having yet another UTI (seriously, I've gotten 3 since marriage. When do they stop?). Anyway, I mentioned that lately I've felt tired constantly, no matter how much sleep I get. So the doctor took some bloodwork and discovered that I was vitamin D deficient. I went home and read up on the topic and discovered that, if too low, it can cause mood swings, depression, fatigue, muscle pain, and a host of other problems. My doctor prescribed 1000 mg a day, but from what I've read, it wouldn't hurt to take even more.

So, I'm thinking my heightened PMS symptoms could be attributed to being deficient in vitamin D, not to mention my fatigue and muscle aches. I'll let you all know how I feel as I start taking supplements. It's amazing what problems can be caused by a simple lack in vitamins!!

Hello everyone!

 

It's been awhile since i've had a REALLY good day. I haven't had many REALLY bad days though. I'm just kind of stuck in "blah". Now thats not to say that my obsessive thoughts aren't always there... Becuase they certainly are. 

I dont even know where to start... I just feel like im stuck right now. I have been really busy at school and my 3 jobs (yikes!) I also got rear ended last week at a stop light so i hit the person in front of me too... My car is totaled. So i'm having to find another car with little to no time!

Its not very encouraging... I dont know if its better to be crying all the time or stuck here! 

I'm ALLLLWAYS obsessing about something. From thinking that I have never loved my boyfriend to thinking that i dont want to move in with him in a few months. Lately the big one i've been dwelling on is the fact that I dont feel posissive/obsessed with him. (here is a hint that I've had anxiety for a long time...) I used to freak out if he didnt text me back right away and I would get all these terrible thoughts like he's ignoring me, talking to girls online (that one comes out of NOWHERE... I have NO reason at all to think that...), or mad at me. But lately I'm just like "meh. whatever." for the most part anyways. So in my anxious head im thinking... Oh, im not obsessed with him... therefore I must not love him. Along those lines, thoughts that I could live with out him and be ok. Or that maybe i wouldnt miss him if we broke up. I think really i would... But thats how my brain is right now. 

I also worry that I'm going to end up like one of those unhappy women that you see in movies. Actually, i think media has put SOOOO many bad things in my head. Like thinking that when you are in love are are ALWAYS floating on cloud 9. Also, things like men cheating so often or people just leaving a relationship with no warning. You also see things like "I just dont love you anymore" which is, of course my biggest fear.

A little bit more about myself and our relationship. We have been together almost exactly a year. Which I know, doesnt sound like long, but i truely do belive that we are perfect for eachother (even if my anxious head isnt wanting to belive it at the moment!) He is really everything I want and need. Back in march we started talking about moving in together, which i was estatic about. Again, we live about 2 hours from eachother, so it is kind of a big life decission, however i didnt have ANY doubts about it untill this anxiety/depression started. I am a costumer (i design and make costumes for theatre) and I thought it was perfect becuase he lives very close to chicago (less than 2 hours) and after i graduated college I have always had plans to move to chicago or at least near it because my hometown doesnt really have a big theatre scene. So, i've always known that i would have to move away. So that shouldnt even be an issue. We have spent weeks together and we have NEVER got on eachothers nerves or in eachothers way. We are very compatible living partners as well. 

Sorry... That turned into a bit of a long story.... But its nice to get it out. I dont even really know what the purpose of that last bit was... lol. I guess I want to hear someone tell me that its the anxiety... and im not looking at something wrong and that I do love him. I know, a bit pathetic, but reassurance is nice! Even from people you hardly know! 

Now, on to some positive things....

Alot of the time (unfortunately not right now...) there are some things that I think of that lift the veil and i can see how much i love him. For example the other day i was talking to a friend and i made mention of the college my boyfriend went to and my friend thought it was a neat school. I suddenly felt very proud of him for going to such a prestgious college. Or thinking about little things that he does like sticking his tongue out when hes concentrating makes me smile. Also, when I got into that accident last week he was instantly the first person i wanted to call. And i did. (of course my brain thinks "well maybe you just wanna call him because you are "supposed" to want to call him" gir!!!) 

A moment the other day while rehearsing a scene from a play for a directing class im in, i was demonstrating something that I wanted one of my actors to do. It was a loving hug from behind where the man put his arms around the girl and rested his head on her shoulder. I was demonstrating this on one of my best guy friends (who is gay!) and i almost started crying because I was thinking of how nice it is when my boyfriend does that to me or i do that to him. 

Anyways... Its the small things I guess.

 

I took one of those quiz things that was actually pretty through about "will your relationship last" And I of course passed with flying colors. Its linked below if anyone wants to check it out. I was tearing up while taking it because some of the questions brought to light how much i love him. 

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Well, thats all i've got for now... If only my brain could just calm down i think i'd be ok! 

 

Thanks for listening girls!

Jen: Agreed on the vitamins. Birth control depleted ours. Plus vitmains help with anxiety and depression in general. I noticed awhile ago that my good days were days that my boyfriend were outside all day. I was talking to my mom about it and she mentioned that it could be the vitamin D from the sun. Sure enough, I looked into it (like I do everything at this point, lol) and birth control depletes it. I started taking a multivitamin and a vitamin b stress complex and started to feel a tiny bit better. at the encouragement of my acupuncturist, i added more vitamins to my regimine. instead of taking a multivitamin, I now take vitamin D, omega 3 fish oil, the b-complex, and calcium with magnesium. the acupuncturist specifically mentioned the fish oil for depression/anxiety.

speaking of acupuncture, i had my third appointment yesterday and i feel a lot better. if anything, it's nice to relax and have some alone time. i was always afraid that if I was alone in thoughts that the doubts about my boyfriend would increase. that doesn't happen. instead, i feel my love for him more because i'm relaxed. and last night, while laying there, it became very clear to me that this was all anxiety/hormones and not real.

in addition to the vitamins, my acupuncturist gave me a herb treatment specifically geared towards rebalancing your hormones and combating the symptoms. i took them before bed last night for the first time and I felt a difference within like 20 minutes. it's hard to explain, but I feel happier. during this whole ordeal, I couldn't get excited about anything -- new job, new car, fun plans... nothing. i was like a shell of myself. I just feel a little more like myself from one dose. hopefully that's a good sign! I'm always afraid of getting too excited about good days because I've had so many setbacks.

another good sign: with my hormones imbalance post-pill, I'm always anxiously obsessing about how my boyfriend is irritating. he's not and never irritated me before but post-pill, everything irritates me. anyway, last night, I had a dream that I couldn't stand him. couldn't even stand being in the room with him. I woke up this morning relieved that it was a dream! it made me realize just how *NOT* irritating he is. this is a huge change for me. a few days ago, that same dream would have had me depressed and obsessing all day that my dream was true. instead, the dream is makin me happy. I can't remember the last time I felt happy. Girls... I really recommend acupuncture if you can afford it!

also, amber: I have the same thoughts about moving out. I think a big problem for us is that through this post-pill mess, we've learned to associate certain things with anxiety. for me, it's my relationship and moving in with him. our hormones have stripped us of our normal feelings of excitement and happiness because we are *temporarily* depressed. we have to (a) recover/heal physically and (b) unlearn these anxiety associations. in the meantime, I'm trying to hold on to the memory of my old excitement about moving in. I felt it before all of this and right now, that's enough for me. I'll feel it again when I'm healthy. Also, it's an extra tough situation bc moving is stressful even in normal situations! I think the actual move will help us because we'll be living in it instead of prematurely worrying about it! Stay strong and believe :) Also... Apartment shopping helps make me excited and helps distract me from my thoughts! And it's something my boyfriend and I have fun sharing with each other. I'm always so excited to tell him something I found for us to buy. Distractions are always good and finding one that's positive for your relationship is doubly good. Hang in there!

I hope this makes sense, haha. I'm typing on my phone on the train on the way to work!

Ps: If anyone lives in NY, let me know and I'll give you the name of my acupuncturist!

Girls, 

I understand a little of what you're going through in the whole moving in with your bf process. My husband had also lived 2 hours away, which prompted his move in to my apartment. It wasn't long before we were engaged and I started the pill. So, I made it through the move without a problem, however, the whole negative obsessions leading up to marriage was its equivalent. I'd been friends with my husband for 10 years, trusted him the most out of all my guy friends, and knew it would lead to marriage within about 4 months of dating. And yet, after coming off BCP, everything changed. I tried to find things that irritated me about him. I asked, "is he too nice?", "am I really meant for him?", "if I loved him enough, wouldn't that negate what these hormones are doing to me?".  Before the BCP, I'd been ready for marriage, content in my belief that we were meant for each other. After BCP, it seemed that I couldn't make up my mind about anything. I thought that I would be okay instantly after the wedding, and though it helped slightly, I was impatient to think I could magically erase all my negative associations just by doing what I knew I should do. I wish now that I'd been more patient with myself and expected the negative rather than be disappointed when it showed up.

In the end, my mood swings did end up tainting the wedding day temporarily. I was fine the entire day, saying my vows, and even on the drive to the hotel, but it wasn't long before I began obsessing. At the time, I was sure I'd wrecked everything. I thought my husband would feel as though he'd been duped into marrying a woman who wasn't who he'd fallen for...but I was completely wrong. Though it did make things difficult, it also proved to me just how much he loved me and how much I cared about our relationship. I fought through all of that c**p (just like you all are doing now) and I survived it with the help of my husband. I don't know many relationships that could withstand what ours did. And while my wedding day may have felt a little sad at the time, all I feel when I look back now is happiness and strength. We made it through that, we can make it through anything.

Now that I'm back to my old self, my painful memories only reappear during PMS, and even that is lessening. And every time I think back on those troubling times, I remember a little less of the pain and a little more of the strength and happiness we shared through it all. You might have a few meltdowns before or after moving in, but so what, you're strong. Don't let those hormones make you feel defeated! Be prepared for the negative emotions to come, and don't expect them to disappear. Know that your moods will fluctuate, but also know that you can survive it, because you've made it this far already. Be patient with yourself and don't expect too much too soon. 

I think it's amazing that the both of you are taking that next step. It may not seem like it now with the ups and downs, but I think it very much shows how much hidden faith you have in your relationships. Those men of yours are keepers for sure :)

Hi girls,

I'm freaking out at the moment I got my period monday and I just have felt awful I'm goin to Florida tomorrow morning and all my friends are so excited about it and I just feel pure anxiety and not excited at all. And then since I'm feeling anxiety these negative thoughts are telling me u feel like this cos u dnt love your boyfriend Amd I'm just sick of it all I just wanna be better I'm so exhausted feeling like this :( I'm crying writing this cos I just dont know what to do anymore.

I just don't understand why all my Negativity is around my boyfriend and these thoughts are telling me u do not love him :(:(:( .

I'm just so sick of it x

Jammy: you're not alone and you're not going crazy!! This is just a symptom of anxiety! Your are probably stressing out a little more than normal due to your trip... I know exactly what you are feeling. I had to take a flight this morning for a friend's wedding and this entire week I've been crazy anxious in anticipation of traveling. Even though that's not what your mind dwells on, I'm sure it has a lot to do with it. Everything will be okay! You do love your bf and you know that. The reaction our minds have to stress now that all this has happened is to go right back to the most painful thoughts/memories. It will take time...so hang in there! I'm right there with you. I made it through my flight alone with all that crazy stress and anxiety and I now you'll be just fine as well :)

Jammy: Hope you are feeling better! We've all been there before. I know how hard it is. Let yourself cry. Get it out. What we're going through is hard. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with before. Just know that you're not alone. We all have the same exact symptoms. We all got them during and/or after birth control. That's not a coincidence. We all have the same thing: A hormonal imbalance. And these negative relationship thoughts and other symptoms are very common side effects to hormone imbalances. Hang in there!

As for me, I'm doing better. Since acupuncture, I have many, many more "normal" moments where I feel like my old self again for the most part. I get the thoughts but they are easier to recognize as lies. I had a fantastic weekend with my boyfriend. I had a few anxious moments but for the most part, I felt completely normal and our relationship felt normal again. Today (and back at work) I feel a little down. The thoughts are still not too scary compared to the past. So thoughts wise, I still feel much better even though I'm not fully recovered. But my body feels down physically. I just feel like I'm in a bad mood but with no reason or explanation as to why. It's so frustrating, especially after my wonderful weekend. I feel like I'm mentally ready to be recovered and healed and happy again but that my body isn't ready, or something. I don't know if this makes sense. It makes sense in my head, lol.

Hope everyone had good weekends!

IBelieveInUs, I know exactly what you mean when you say that you feel as though you're ready to be healed, but your body won't let you. Though I'm healed now, I remember getting that type of feeling the closer I got to my "old self", and it was frustrating! It was almost harder to be patient at that point than at the beginning, because I felt so close to being well that I just wanted to be all better in that instant. Don't worry, eventually even that feeling will go away.



My weekend was absolutely wonderful because I see now how much I truly am back to my old self. Even my old PMS symptoms are coming back, never thought I'd miss those!! Before BCP I was always needy toward my husband during the week of my period. After BCP, my period would cause the negative feelings that would always drag me down. This week of my period I've noticed that neediness again, even my husband noticed it.



We'd both forgotten what I was like back then because it seemed so long ago. It just made me deliriously happy to feel that again, that overwhelming desire to want to be near him for more than just a few hours. Every time I think I'm at my happiest, something else gets even better. Not only is the "old me" back, but I feel like I can finally start moving forward with my life without worrying that I might have to deal with it all again. Ladies, I'll never touch the BCP again, that's for sure! I never again want to feel how I felt back then.



I know that the rest of you will get through this as well. I'm inspired by the fact that you all are continuing to fight it, and look forward to the day when you get back to your old selves and post on here about your success stories!!

How long as it taken u to get back to your normal self as I have now been off the pill 7 months and still to feel 100% Bretter. I am better than what I was but not fully recovered

It took me about 4 months. However, I was only on the pill for a total of 8 days, so I'm definitely not the norm! From what I've read on here and in other forums, 6 months to a year seems to be the time frame for complete recovery.