Feeling depressed after stopping the birth control pills?

Those clarifying moments are so great, I'm happy for you!! I used to get moments like that too, and though they sometimes seemed too few and far between, it always reminded me to be patient and keep trying.

On my way home from work today, I decided to test my healed self a bit by drudging up so many of the questions I'd asked myself during the BCP mess. What I discovered was that most of my fears were founded on something I'd written in my diary years ago. I'd written something about how I knew I wouldn't end up with my now husband. I'd never thought of it much while we were dating, but when the hormones got out of whack, so did my rational self. Inevitably, my mind would go back to that diary entry because it truly was the only negative thing I could conjure up concerning the perfect-for-me man that loved me so much.

Looking back, I can see that I was being naive and irrational. Marrying my husband was probably the best decision I've ever made in my life, and it's not like my younger, less mature self could have ever foreseen that. The point is, it only took one spur of the moment diary entry for me to have a foundation to begin doubting EVERYTHING about the relationship while my hormones were out of whack. It's amazing really, that we managed to find anything to doubt considering the support we receive from our partners daily.

On a side note, I was able to think about all of this on my way home and not feel even a shadow of sadness. Hallelujah I feel like this old self thing is going to stick :)

SLawson: I seriously laughed outloud at your post about the crazy though you had because I get them too! Just earlier, I was going through my purse to get my phone charger and a picture I had of my boyfriend and I to put in my frame at my office. I pulled the charger out first and then immediately thought, "If you really loved him, you would have taken the picture out first." I think all these crazy things all the time. I just have to learn how to laugh at them instead of believing them. Because when I believe them, it devastates me. Ultimately, it devastates me because not loving my boyfriend would mean that I would have to leave him and I never want to break up with him. Hell, I can't even delete emails, texts, and voicemails he sends me. I was deleting old emails this morning and I left all the ones from him undeleted. Then I laughed to myself and thought of how ridiculous it is that my anxiety is trying to convince me to leave him and meanwhile I can't even delete little emails he sent me a year ago. Obviously I don't want to leave him! But, of course, a second later, the voice starts again and fills my head with more and more doubts. This week, I have begun to full realize for the first time how sick I am from this bcp created hormonal imbalance. And I really am sick. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I need to start looking at these doubts/negative thoughts as just that -- A reaction to being (temporarily) sick and my true feelings.

Speaking of true feelings, that reminds me: When I first started out with these thoughts, one of my main thoughts was that this was my gut/intuition telling me that my boyfriend was wrong for me. I agonized over that for like 2 months. And I just realized now that I completely forgot about that thought... for awhile now. And re-thinking the thought doesn't even remotely spike my anxiety. I can only hope that this continues to happen with my other thoughts and obsessions. I'm realizing seem to get an obsession/doubt about my relationship that I dwell on for awhile and then I move on to another doubt/obsession. That in itself shows that it's OCD/anxiety and not me. I have to remember that!

Btw, I signed up for acupuncture for the first time. The woman specializes in women's health and hormonal imbalances. I figure it can't hurt. Maybe it'll help. I'll keep everyone updated. In the meantime, I just hope this current rough patch passes soon. I had such a good weekend last weekend and this week has been more and more miseable each day. Boo.

*a reaction to being sick and NOT my true feelings. bad typo! gotta stop typing on my phone!

(of course my anxiety is now telling me that it wasn't a typo and that these doubts are my true feelings and that my subconscious purposely typed it that way. i really am losing it! trying to laugh at myself!)

Hi girls,

I haven't posted in a while because I was feeling good but the last week has not been good! I was due my period a week ago and still have not got it yet. But the negative thoughts have been awful and today especially I'm so cranky and snappy. But not just at my boyfriend I'm snapping at my friends and family. But it's mad how these hormones make you think I have been so snappy at my boyfriend all day and my head keeps saying stuff like you must not love him anymore break up with him I HATE THESE THOUGHTS GIRLS! but what annoys me is when you snap at your family or friends your brain doesn't tell you negative things about them.

Also lately I have this fear ..... When I got really sick when coming off the pill I was living with my boyfriend at that tim the panics attacks were happening and depression Amd all these negative thoughts so I tried to take my own life after I got out of hospital my parent moved me back in to there house to get myself sorted. But I havethis fear I. My head that when I move out again "what if" I feel like this again how will I cope I'm terrified girls. I feel so c**p at the moment I just wanna cry :(:(

IBelieveinUs: "Speaking of true feelings, that reminds me: When I first started out with these thoughts, one of my main thoughts was that this was my gut/intuition telling me that my boyfriend was wrong for me. I agonized over that for like 2 months." That is EXACTLY how I used to feel! I couldn't find anything negative about my husband (then fiancé), so I focused instead on what I thought must be my intuition. Of course, now I know that it was my hormones and I had little control over the irrational theories that popped into my head. I continue to be thankful that I have such a great man by my side, and I'm sure all of you are the same way. I mean, if the men in our lives really weren't right for us, we would've had a more substantial negative issue to obsess over. And for me, I truly had nothing, hence the "intuition". I imagine that we were/are all in the same boat in that situation.

Agreed. When I started off with this whole "you don't love him" nonsense, I had no reason so I guess that's why my anxiety kept telling me that it was my gut/intuition. That thought doesn't even remotely bother me anymore. I can think it over and over again and it gets zero reaction out of me. However, over time, I have moved on to new obsessions with my relationship. My anxiety is now obsessed with his personality. It tries to tell me that I don't like his personality. That he's too nice. (What does that even mean?) That he's annoying. Again, my anxiety is grasping at straws because honestly, he has the most wonderful/perfect personality of anyone I've ever met. My family and friends even compliment his personality. But my anxiety just picks and picks and tries to find flaws in his personality. This is doubly challenging to overcome since I'm so moody and irritable post-pill that things with everyone and everything annoy me more easily than usual. Hopefully I'll eventually have zero reaction to this obsession as well. The overall large obsession is (and has always been) that I don't love him and my tinier obsessions (like the intuition and the personality) attempt to "prove" this larger obsession. It's pretty frustrating. I hope that one day I can look back at all of this and laugh. I so badly want and need this to be temporary.

I completely understand. I too remember once thinking of my husband as "too nice" or that I had issues with his personality, but could never really put my finger on exactly what it was that I didn't like. I know now that it was because I loved everything about him.

I'm wondering now how BCP affects women who are single. I mean, it makes sense that we obsess over our relationships because it's natural for us to analyze such things even when our hormones aren't imbalanced. Then again, I suspect I may have had this problem when I took BCP the first time, and back then I became emotional/depressed about my job.

Also, I am completely healed, but I'm not yet to the point of laughing about it. Though, I truly believe I will someday, just like I believe that all of you will be healed someday too :)

I am single and going through all this mess. My anxiaty is more about my health keep thinking something is drastically wrong with me. Also alot of depression is over my Job I have always. LOved my job but since coming off the bcp I am feeling very negative towards everything in
Life. I have always been quite relaxed easy going person but that has somewhat changed since coming off these awful things. I am so depressed stressed and not feeling me. I have been off the bcp 6 and half months and hope to feel better soon. I was not getting periods either so decided to go to accupunture which has helped me start bleeding again. Since coming off the pill I have also started with tinnitus which drives me mad waiting for an appointment at clinic about this. I have also opted to seeing a councillor but not sure this is helping. Hope we all get better one day soon

Well ladies this is my 5 cycle since coming off birth control im only 4 months off and this period brought some anxiety and negative thoughts i also have been dizzy here and there which i hate feeling. I start progesterone cream tonight im kinda nervous about it but at the same time i hope it helps me. Also i was wondering does anyone feel like their head is messed like everything seems different i feel like when i look at something my head dont process it like it should i still feel semi weird everything around me seems weird too sometimes i just stare and think what is it like is it me that feels weird or the world did anybody else feel like this i cant wait till i can look past this and laugh but remember this only makes us stronger :)

Having a tough weekend. Not as bad as a few months ago but still pretty low. Having trouble feeling anything for my boyfriend. Thoughts like "you're not compatible" and "you don't like his personality" keep popping into my head. I just feel down and numb all at the same time. It's so frustrating because I had such a good weekend last weekend. But this bad weekend feels so real. The thoughts feel so real. I feel so... weird. Off. I keep trying to remind myself that his personality is the same way it's always been and the only thing that's changed is my hormones/anxiety. I just wish I knew this would pass and that I haven't done irreversible damage. I'm in desperate need of a pep talk!

I don't know if this constitutes as a pep talk, but keep the hope. You will get better. I felt all the things you do now. I doubted every aspect of my relationship, thinking "I must not love him", "these hormones must just be showing me how I really feel", "I was probably just in denial this whole time", "he's too nice and I will stop having fun being with him" and I could keep going. I tore apart and analyzed every single tiny aspect of our relationship, and really think the only thing that kept me going was this forum and a great husband who always listened to me and kept saying over and over, "you do love me, your hormones just aren't letting you feel it". You are NOT crazy, and though this is the reality for you at the moment, it won't be forever. When you do have a good day again, you'll look back on this and be thankful that you had the hope to keep forging ahead.



Talk to your boyfriend, cry on his shoulder, do whatever you need to do to release the pain. Sometimes, at the really low points, that's the only thing that sustains you to the next good day.



You WILL get better. Keep up the good fight!!

Thanks, Jennifer. You're such a big help on here and I appreciate it more than you know. I started feeling better after than email and was able to carry it over and have a much better second half of the weekend. Still not great, especially during affectionate, silly moments with my boyfriend. It's like my guard goes wayyyyyy up during those moments when I'm having bad anxiety/hormonal weeks. Speaking of hormones, my period is over a week late. I feel like my whole body is out of whack. I can't believe how much these tiny, popular pills have screwed up my mind and my body. I feel like I've been stripped of the person that I was and it gets very hard to remember the old me sometimes. I want her back!

Hey guys! Here is an update/something i've noticed. 

I spent this weekend with my boyfriend. And I was ok. It wasnt great but there were good moments. I had a couple of break downs. But smaller ones... What i've noticed though is that I am way better when I'm around him (again not great... but better) On my way home today (i have an early class and have to drive about 2 hours in the morning back home on mondays) I was fine... but the longer i'm away the more my mind starts to wander. I was great this morning when i left. I was feeling all lovey and singing songs that reminded me of him and tearing up because of how amazing he is and how much I love him. And It slowly faded. Now im back to blah. I just cant win! 

Hey girls! The last 1/2 of last week and this weekend weren't too good for me. I was having a lot of negative/scary thoughts and it made me upset because I had been feeling so great. I went and saw my naturopathic doctor on Friday and she said she thought my period might start soon... and wow was she right! I got my period last night! First one since coming off the pill (except for the light one I got immediately after quitting)! She said she thinks my thoughts were due to me PMSing. I've been on the pill since I was 18 (and went on it for irregular periods) so I don't think I've ever really properly PMS'd lol. I don't think it'll be that bad in the future, I just think the old feelings creep up and make it worse and that time will heal all that.

So it took about 2.5 months for my first period. I guess that's not that bad... I'm just so happy because I feel like a woman again! I just felt like I had this build up and I just needed to get it but wasn't. Of course my cramps are absolutely horrendous, but I'm happy! I feel a lot better emotionally/mentally than I had been for the past few days. I'm not too confident yet though and try not to think about things too much. Hang in there girls! If you haven't already, I highly recommend naturopathic/homeopathic doctors. I had quit a different brand of BC a couple years ago and didn't get a period the whole time I was off (5 months). I honestly believe the supplements she has me on are getting my body on track faster than it might do so on it's own. And I know what you mean Ambertinks, my negative thoughts happen mostly when I'm alone or not being distracted by something. It's so important to keep yourself distracted!