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   I am new to this site and cant not figure out how to get my own post.. But I am hoping and praying this sight helps me some..
   This will be sort of long since I'm going to tell you some about myself. I am a 25 yr old mother of 2. I'm a college student and stay at home mother. One of my children is a special needs child, she is 4yrs old.. so there's a lot of stress involved with her care at times, my other child is a typical 3 yr old lil boy full of energy. I am very kind hearted, honest person but have got caught up in a bad habit.. Over the past 2 years I have become addicted to lortabs.. I am ashamed and humiliated even to admit that.. but its time for me to face it and its true. My addiction began 2 yrs ago when I breast augmentation surgery and got prescribed 100, 10mg lortabs.. I went and had my script filled 3 days prior to surgery so after surgery I could come straight home to rest since the pain of after the surgery was unbearable. Well I had never been a drug abuser of any sort or had even taken lortabs aside from basic things like dental work, strep throat, etc.. Well for whatever reason I decided I would take one pill every night until my surgery to start building it up in my system so maybe after surgery was done I wouldn't be in so much pain & I wouldn't be nauseated if I gained a little tolerance to them.. cause any time in the past I had to take pain meds they made me so sick at my stomach I would throw up.. I didn't want to be pucking and in pain.. Its a dumb idea I had but its what I did. After itching to death and feeling sick to my stomach so bad, I called my drs office and told them I couldn't take the lortabs and needed something different.... So then they gave me a script for another 100 percocet... 200 pain pills... Ugg.. unbeknownst to me that was the begining on my addiction. Well... 2 nights prior to surgery my boyfriend and I had decided we would both take one.. Because of how chattery and "good feeling" they had made me feel the night before. Even though it caused me to be sick at my stomach the "high" was well.. worth it. After taking lortabs/percocets for about a week the sick stomach feeling went away anyway. Anyhow.. the reason my boyfriend and I had started taking them those first couple nights is because it made us open up to each other and talk a lot, stay up late, gave us energy, it was just fun..unfortunately. A few days later when surgery had came, I was in tons of pain so obviously took my pain meds as needed for about a week, but slowly began feeling better.. Still having a lot of pains meds left.. I continued taking them even though I didnt really need them anymore.. I just like the "energy" they gave me. Not truthfully ever thinking once about becoming addicted to them.. Since I'd never had any sort of problem like that.. I started out just taking one a day.. So it was no big deal to me. . In my head I was just taking them because I had them.. so might as well. Little did I know I was at that point causing myself to be where I am at now 2 years later, an addict. After a month or so I got to where I was taking 2 a day..obviously running out of the ones prescribed to me I started seeking them else where. It all kind of happened slowly but surely.. but eventually got to where now I am at the point that I take 2-5 a day. Which isnt an extreme amount.. but its the fact that I am taking them even though I dont need them.. Im still taking pain pills everyday almost for the past 2 years.., I crave them,  I am buying them off the street.. And if theres a day I dont have them, I feel awful. Like I dont even wanna move. Having all the responsibilities I have in my life is what has made taking lortabs so easy for me.. cause they give me so much energy and help to reduce my stress.. Its a bad good for me. Its awful. Today is the first day I havent taken any.. I want to quit before it gets even worse. I feel like slum today.. and I want to take another one so bad just to feel that energy.. but I am trying my damnedest not to! This habit of mine is a secret too which makes it hard to have anyone to confide in.. my boyfriend got slightly addicted to them for awhile to but eventually realized it was dumb and he stopped but I have been continuing to take them everyday. I want to stop taking them soo bad. Another problem I run into is because my 85 year old grandma moved in with me recently because I am the one who takes care of her and all her medical and daily care. Well she gets prescribed 120 10mg lortabs every month. Now I would never take away something from my grandmother that she needs however she doesn't take all of them every month there are extra so they are "in my hands" way to easily. Like I said no one knows about my problem.. so I cant just have someone else take control of her meds.. needless to say there is no one else that can take care of her anyway... I know I can stop Ive just got to try and learn how to cope. My big problem is like I said... I have such a busy life and so much to maintain and that energy they give me and stress reducer since they calm me down is what I seek... not so much the high feeling. Ive never found anything that helps me through my day like they do. . Like I said today is the first day I haven't taken any.. and Ive had really low energy. I read on here that sometimes tramadol helps with the withdraw symptoms.. I luckily had some from a recent shoulder injury so took 2 through out the day. . I can honestly say I think it did help some. So that was a little relief. I'm concerned about the hole process.. If I'm going to be able to stop.. if I'm ever going to feel ok again.. how I'm going to get energy giving up this habit... so many questions and fears i have that I don't know what to do with. If any of you personally knew me.. you would be shocked that I am someone going through this. I'm such a sweet "innocent" person. I'm everyone in my families glue. What am i going to do with myself? I know in my heart that i want to quit this habit but then this demon in my head says.. why quit, they help you feel better, they aren't causing me any physical health issues.. yet, my gma has been taking them for 40 years and her livers still ok. That's dumb but that's how my demon tries to make this logical for me.. Well... there's my story. I'm not happy about it and I'm really ashamed but Its time for me to turn to someone for help.. I genuinely thank anyone who takes time to read this and respond and or pray for me. I need it.  Thank you.                    

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Hey grneyedenvy, I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.. I know exactly what you're going through.
I am also addicted to these horrible pills. And just like you its my own dirty little secret. And I am a total pos because I am pregnant. I have tried to get off these pills for years now and I can't for some reason. Its like they control my life. Not even hearing that I am pregnant was a strong enough reason to get off. I wonder myself if ill ever live normally again.. I hate myself and what I've become.. But I really wanted to let u know you're not alone :)
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