hey everyone,
i'm on here to feel like i'm normal again because at this point i am feeling like a complete crackhead. to start from the beginning, i started taking percocet about 5 years ago, a couple a week just for fun. i didnt take them for a long time until about a year and a half ago a good friend of mine began selling them. $5 for a percocet 10mg. insane, isnt it? but i paid it. sometimes 5-10 a day. when i went through my pregnancy i was addicted. i have always smoked marijuana and probably always will, dont see anything wrong with it. ive went days without and NEVER felt like this. during my pregnancy i was scared to mention because they were already talking about child services because of marijuana. i mean, what would they think of pills? anyways, i quit the marijuana and still took the pills during pregnancy because they did not test for them. during this time, i start acting really crazy. went to the hospital to make up reasons for pain killers, taking money from my husbands wallet (and i hate people who steal), and trying to sell my personal belongings off to make up for money loss when i would just spend the profit on more. it began to get worse after i had my son (c-section) and was given percocet for it. of course it didnt work when they give you 6mg every 4 hours and you're used to 3 times that. so i basically suffered in the hospital until i got home and called the dealer. anyways, my son is now 8 weeks old today. he is my world and was born more perfect than i could have imagined. i always said to myself, i wouldnt be like those addicted mothers that my child would mean more than that to me, and he did, but it was just so hard. i have been off the pills for about 4-5 days now and i feel like death. my house is a disaster and theres so much that needs to be done. i basically just make sure my son is taken care of then lay back down and feel like im dead. i feel like this will never go away and i'm caught between calling the dealer and dealing without. i really dont want to be addicted but i also dont want my life to stop because i feel like this. i understand it will go away but when...? and it doesnt help that im suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety which i had before this. i've tried to make my postpartum appointment many times but you know how the health department can be. this isnt me...and i dont know how %-) to change it. if anyone needs someone to talk to, i'm here. it would be nice to hear from someone who can relate. no one knows my addiction or what i am going through. please, feel free to share also. it helps :-)
i'm on here to feel like i'm normal again because at this point i am feeling like a complete crackhead. to start from the beginning, i started taking percocet about 5 years ago, a couple a week just for fun. i didnt take them for a long time until about a year and a half ago a good friend of mine began selling them. $5 for a percocet 10mg. insane, isnt it? but i paid it. sometimes 5-10 a day. when i went through my pregnancy i was addicted. i have always smoked marijuana and probably always will, dont see anything wrong with it. ive went days without and NEVER felt like this. during my pregnancy i was scared to mention because they were already talking about child services because of marijuana. i mean, what would they think of pills? anyways, i quit the marijuana and still took the pills during pregnancy because they did not test for them. during this time, i start acting really crazy. went to the hospital to make up reasons for pain killers, taking money from my husbands wallet (and i hate people who steal), and trying to sell my personal belongings off to make up for money loss when i would just spend the profit on more. it began to get worse after i had my son (c-section) and was given percocet for it. of course it didnt work when they give you 6mg every 4 hours and you're used to 3 times that. so i basically suffered in the hospital until i got home and called the dealer. anyways, my son is now 8 weeks old today. he is my world and was born more perfect than i could have imagined. i always said to myself, i wouldnt be like those addicted mothers that my child would mean more than that to me, and he did, but it was just so hard. i have been off the pills for about 4-5 days now and i feel like death. my house is a disaster and theres so much that needs to be done. i basically just make sure my son is taken care of then lay back down and feel like im dead. i feel like this will never go away and i'm caught between calling the dealer and dealing without. i really dont want to be addicted but i also dont want my life to stop because i feel like this. i understand it will go away but when...? and it doesnt help that im suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety which i had before this. i've tried to make my postpartum appointment many times but you know how the health department can be. this isnt me...and i dont know how %-) to change it. if anyone needs someone to talk to, i'm here. it would be nice to hear from someone who can relate. no one knows my addiction or what i am going through. please, feel free to share also. it helps :-)
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I'm glad that you are posting about this because it is something that a lot of people need to hear so that they know that they are not alone. I know that when people have addictions that they feelt rapped in what they are doing but you have proven that you can break free. Keep us posted on other stories you have! THanks for posting.
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I really hope you are doing better. If you are great!! If you aren't, please don't give up. Get on the internet and find a narcotics anonymous meeting, find someone who cares and understands. I did, it worked, I'm clean and healthy. The bad sh*t does go away, it just makes you miserable for a bit.
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I understand just how you feel, I am actually in pretty much the same boat. I have been addicted to pain pills for about 3 years now. I started just taking a hydrocodone 10mg for fun and to give me energy every now and then, once I found a place to get them all the time I went to always having them. By that time I would take 10 to 15 a day and not long after started with oxycodone and oxycontin. It just took more and more, like a downward spiral... I have 2 small children and want to quit for them because they deserve better, they are so wonderful. I have tried to quit before, but find myself falling back into the same ways. I really want to stop completely. About 2 weeks ago I planned to stop cold turkey.... I made it 2 days and was dying, I broke down and got a few hydrocodone 10mg to help tamper down some, so that I could function a little to take care of things. I am past the physical withdrals, and I know I will not be sick just achy and moody without them. But the mental part is the worst, I feel like I cant make it through a full day without something.... I dont want to be this way... I never have before... I just want it to stop... Keep your head up and I'm trying to do the same, this is something I have to do not just for me but for my kids!!!!!!
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